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It finally father doesn't know who I am
Posted: Tuesday, October 8, 2019 1:05 AM
Joined: 10/8/2019
Posts: 1

I am new to this message board. I guess I am needing a place to talk about it. My father is 91 and is in later stage of Alzheimer's. He is still at home with a wonderful live-in caregiver. I live in the next state over and see him every month and help as needed. 

The last trip I took was the first time he didn't know who I was. I knew that day would come but it has been on my mind ever since and I can't seem to shake thinking about it. Both of my sisters and my mother have passed and I don't have any family to discuss our memories with. My husband and kids are great, but somehow I wish I had my family to talk to. I keep having memories of our childhood growing up with my dad.

He is very ill and in late stage. He can barely sit upright now, doesn't eat too much anymore. He is wasting away physically. Last month he got pneumonia but seems to be better now. He has jaw problems that require surgery to fix, but of course and rightly so, he won't be having any more surgeries. 

This is my first post and just wanted to say hello and give a current status of my situation. 

Posted: Tuesday, October 8, 2019 9:29 AM
Joined: 9/8/2017
Posts: 2309

Hello there! You can come here anytime. There are other forums you can view and participate as well on this board. Please take a look around.

I’m sorry to hear about your father. My father doesn’t know me for over 2 yrs. He’s like my baby now. A spoiled one too. We’re going to celebrate his birthday today. I got a cheesecake for my dad, the caregiver (even though she’s on a diet), and me. After work and dinner, he’ll have a slice. He still eats very well.

Continue letting us know how you’re doing.

Posted: Wednesday, October 9, 2019 8:12 AM
Joined: 1/25/2018
Posts: 690

I'm the spouse and primary caregiver for my stage 5 wife. I've been dreading this milestone for months. She has off-and-on forgotten our girls, and their children. Last week was close. I was back to being a close but non-romantic friend that comes over now and then. Later I was still me by name but I was an extramarital affair she was having behind my back? " Mark! You'd better get out of here, my husband will be home from work any minute." (logic isn't a strong skill for the Alzheimer's population).
Posted: Friday, November 1, 2019 3:34 PM
Joined: 6/11/2019
Posts: 522

markus8174 wrote:
 (logic isn't a strong skill for the Alzheimer's population).


Mark --This made me LOL. It's been one of the hardest things for me. I'm trying to break myself of applying logic. Getting better at it. Still trying to perfect that art!

One of my favorite ones is my mom telling me my cars "belong to your uncle. You'd better not drive them. You'll get in trouble."

LOGIC DERAIL: My uncle died in 2003. Both cars were manufactured YEARS later. Did he come back from the dead just to buy them???

Some days it makes my head hurt. I'm learning to ignore a lot of it.


Posted: Thursday, November 14, 2019 7:10 AM
Joined: 11/14/2019
Posts: 1

Hi Mark. Walking through some of the amazing adventures one goes through are wild. During the last presidential election campaign (I am the daughter) I took the dog outside for perhaps 5 minutes. Upon my return he informed me that Hillary Clinton had come by for a visit. The obvious response from me was “wow, how did I miss her?”His reply was “she didn’t come here for you she wanted to talk to me! She came right through that window and left the same way. “ she told me I might be losing my memory, but I needed to vote anyway! That night at dinner I left the table to get a tissue in the bathroom and within 1 minute I returned to find his plate empty. I didn’t say a word except I did ask if he was full. “Yes sweetie “.  So I finished my dinner and took the plates to the kitchen. Garbage disposal? No. Oven? No go. Trash can? Nothing. Laundry room trash can? Nope. It involved a piece of chicken, corn and salad. I knew it would show up eventually ~ always new surprises. The next morning I gathered the laundry together and as I opened the washing machine ~ ta da! He came to see what I was doing as I’m digging corn out of the bottom and said “Honey the clothes don’t go in the dishwasher “. I hugged him and told him how much I loved him, we laughed together and onward we go. I’ll never forget each and every moment I had with him as we walked through his journey together   

He used to tell me every single day,

“Baby, today is the first day of the rest of your life” . How right he is....

Kindest regards 



Posted: Sunday, November 17, 2019 7:28 AM
Joined: 8/12/2017
Posts: 250

During my father's final weeks, we were walking along holding hands, which we usually did for balance and because he liked it.  He still recognized me - up to that point.  Anyway he stopped in his tracks, turned to me and asked, "Do you love me?"  I replied, "Of course I do Dad, I'm your daughter." The look of confusion and a little annoyance on his face pierced me.  I'd give anything to have that moment back, and since clearly he thought I was my mother or a girlfriend from his early days, to assure him "Yes Dear, with all my heart."
Posted: Monday, December 16, 2019 5:06 AM
Joined: 10/31/2019
Posts: 92


I loved what you shared about your dad... the story of Hilary and the meal found in the clothes washer. It seems you stayed calm, which is my desire, but I fail. My daughter does much better. I still try to reason & explain. We are a year & a half into this. Hopefully I’ll get better and can see the funny side.

Your relationship with your dad was special. Thanks for sharing. 

Posted: Saturday, January 18, 2020 5:55 PM
Joined: 1/18/2020
Posts: 13

hi , i am going thru the same situation except my father is 76 and still strong and violent and combative and agitated and so hard to deal with and has been discharged from 3 facilities , i am sorry that we r all going thru the pain of this disease
Posted: Sunday, January 19, 2020 7:07 AM
Joined: 11/22/2019
Posts: 288

Hi Dave,

It is a very painful disease for everyone involved.

Have you read the caregiver's message board?  If you post there, you will get better responses and also many more responses with good information.

Posted: Wednesday, March 4, 2020 3:22 PM
Joined: 3/1/2020
Posts: 1

thank you for sharing,