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Should we challenge their skills?
Ed1937
Posted: Friday, August 23, 2019 9:03 AM
Joined: 4/2/2018
Posts: 1430


A week or two before Christmas, my wife was going to make pancakes for breakfast. Huge problem. She never tried making them again. Here's the thread https://www.alzconnected.org/discussion.aspx?g=posts&t=2147544919

She was an excellent cook, whereas I struggle. I've made 3 meatloaves so far, and all were edible, but they couldn't even begin to compare to hers. And she let me know she didn't think they were very good! I want to ask her to show me how to make the meatloaf, but she hasn't tried to cook for 3 or 4 months, and I'm unsure if she can do it or not. I don't want her to be hurt again from failing, but if she's successful maybe that will give her confidence a boost. Is it worth the risk? I just don"t know.


SSHarkey
Posted: Friday, August 23, 2019 9:10 AM
Joined: 3/15/2018
Posts: 150


Oh my, Ed. That's a tough one, isn't it. I think you might want to get you a cookbook for beginners, simple foods. If I were in your shoes, I don't think I would ask. Like you, i wantto maintaain as much dignity as possible. Suzi
Army_Vet60
Posted: Friday, August 23, 2019 9:19 AM
Joined: 6/21/2019
Posts: 369


IMO, if she is losing her memory of how to cook, I wouldn't challenge her. You don't want her trying to use the range, the oven, the microwave in a misguided attempt to please you.

I was slow to catch that my wife had completely lost her cooking skills.

I finally got a clue when I called her from work one morning and suggested she make herself coffee and an omelet.

When I got home later that day, she was sound asleep. On the night stand was a cold cup of coffee with a raw egg yolk floating on the top. When I pulled a spoon from the cup, I found there was more honey than coffee in it.

That was the last time I ever put her in that position.

 

 


Goodtogo
Posted: Friday, August 23, 2019 10:02 AM
Joined: 11/27/2017
Posts: 37


Ahh the great meat loaf debate along with the secret recipes.  Not sure I would try to have her involved directly, you might want to consider having a discussion about who taught her how to make it and who’s recipe it was etc.....  followed by any other special tricks etc.    I would then repeat the conversation later (maybe days) for any changes etc.  if and when you make it again, depending on how she you could have the discussion again or simply make it and when she says something respond that yes her meatloaf is the best and she need to share the secret.  
My mom had many secret recipes which were never written down, mostly by sight...  when she stopped cooking, those recipes were gone.  I found she had a difficult time with recent memory recall, but if I went make in time and asked about things long ago, I could pull out some information if it was just talk and validated what was so good and special etc....  

I am not a meatloaf eater, however that was one of my moms secret recipes.  I found out that she would use sausage or pork/veal in with the ground beef and limit the breadcrumbs, so the mixture was soft, like cookie dough and it had to be baked on a broiler pan, so the fat would drip off....

Hope you’ll be able to get the secret.....  good luck


Ed1937
Posted: Friday, August 23, 2019 10:39 AM
Joined: 4/2/2018
Posts: 1430


Thanks for the replies. It probably isn't worth the risk. That pancake scenario was about all either one of us could handle. 

Very few times would she use a recipe. She just had a knack of knowing what ingredients worked well in a given situation. She taught herself. Many times one of our daughters would ask how much of an ingredient she used for whatever it was she made. Her response was something like "Just put it in until you have enough". Big help!! She always said recipes were for baking.


John1965
Posted: Friday, August 23, 2019 12:43 PM
Joined: 8/19/2016
Posts: 317


My favorite meatloaf...with video instructions. 

 https://youtu.be/GBrURVWUUEk


Ed1937
Posted: Friday, August 23, 2019 3:05 PM
Joined: 4/2/2018
Posts: 1430


Thanks John. I'll check that out.
Dreamer Lost
Posted: Saturday, August 24, 2019 8:59 AM
Joined: 3/7/2019
Posts: 235


What to make for dinner? The age old question of millions of wives and mothers and now husbands in this modern age.  
I challenge my DH's skills everyday until it's too hard for me.  Unfortunately, my DH cannot even fold towels anymore but he still wants to help.  If I am doing the laundry, I can hand him a shirt and a hanger and he can put it on the hanger then asks what he should do with it and I point to the door handle to place it on.  My DH is forgetting how to brush his teeth but I put the toothpaste on his electric toothbrush and tell him to put it in his mouth and turn it on and he can then brush them.  He can barely sweep and leave little piles around to be picked up.  I hand him his clothes and try to get him to put them on himself.  I am so bad at putting on his socks, that he usually takes over and does it himself.   He can still cut up strawberries or vegetables to help me in the kitchen but he can't set the table even if I hand him the items.  I feel it is about getting them to feel they are useful.  I always thank my DH for whatever he has done.  If she indicates she wants to "help" you then by all means get her involved, cutting vegetables or squishing the meat loaf mixture.  I agree with Goodtogo about talking with her about it and finding out any little tricks she might have used and using a little pork in the recipe adds flavor and moisture to the meatloaf.  Good Luck. 

Bevy
Posted: Saturday, August 24, 2019 10:43 PM
Joined: 3/9/2012
Posts: 524


Dreamer Lost, Socks are hard to put on men with wide feet.  I started buying extra large sizes, with a good stretch to them to make it easier.
Mrs. O
Posted: Sunday, August 25, 2019 1:51 AM
Joined: 8/1/2017
Posts: 288


I was going to suggest having her sit at the counter, and watch you make it. She might volunteer    her secret ingredients. Be careful though- you may get some bizarre suggestions. BTW... Costco has delicious meatloaf ready to heat. It even comes with mashed potatoes. It tastes just like our old family recipe. Yum!
Ed1937
Posted: Sunday, August 25, 2019 7:12 PM
Joined: 4/2/2018
Posts: 1430


Mrs. O wrote:
Yum!

Okay, that did it! I go to Costco every 2 weeks or so. Now I'll have to take a look at that. Thanks. Another one I like is the chicken fajitas by Rick Bayless. Good stuff!!


Victoria2020
Posted: Sunday, August 25, 2019 10:06 PM
Joined: 9/21/2017
Posts: 862


Found this book, pub date 2016, your library may have . I like that she lowered salt  amts.

 

 

 The Family Caregiver's Cookbook

Easy-Fix Recipes for Busy Family Caregivers

by Harriet Hodgson
Mrs. O
Posted: Monday, August 26, 2019 1:59 AM
Joined: 8/1/2017
Posts: 288


Ed1937 wrote:
Mrs. O wrote:
Yum!

Okay, that did it! I go to Costco every 2 weeks or so. Now I'll have to take a look at that. Thanks. Another one I like is the chicken fajitas by Rick Bayless. Good stuff!!

Hey Ed,   Where are those Chicken Fajitas?  Fresh or frozen?  Are they spicy?  I need quick & easy dinners, and I’m in a rut with my rotation of “go to’s.”  
Half the time, dinner goes out the window b/c halfway through cooking it, DH all of a sudden insists that “We have to go!”  This entails dropping everything, getting in the car, and driving around aimlessly because he doesn’t know where he wants to go. I end up taking him down to the beach, and we walk for awhile, then we go back home. Sometimes we get back inside, and he says “This isn’t it.”  So... out the door we go again. We have done this dance several times. So... dinners need to be easy prep. Am I bad for falling back on PBJ sandwiches (which have always been his favorite thing in the world anyway)?  

Ed1937
Posted: Monday, August 26, 2019 5:40 AM
Joined: 4/2/2018
Posts: 1430


Good morning Mrs. O. Those are in the frozen section. It comes in 3 sealed packs. Defrost in microwave. In a large non stick skillet on high heat, add the contents of the chicken,and stir for 3 minutes. Now add the veggies, stir for 2 minutes. Lastly add the sauce, stir for 2 -3 minutes. You'll need to have some tortillas on hand. Warm the tortillas, and add the goodies! That's it. They are not really spicy, but have a great flavor. You can always add hot sauce if you want. I think you'll like them. They usually run 18 to 20 dollars, depending on the weight. But you get quite a few fajitas.
Ed1937
Posted: Monday, August 26, 2019 5:41 AM
Joined: 4/2/2018
Posts: 1430


Victoria, thanks for the tip. I'll check it out.
Mrs. O
Posted: Tuesday, August 27, 2019 12:41 AM
Joined: 8/1/2017
Posts: 288


Thanks Ed.  I’m going to try those fajitas.