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Helping a transition to MC
Posted: Monday, January 20, 2020 6:52 PM
Joined: 1/20/2020
Posts: 3

My sisters and I are thinking of moving my mom to memory care, she has been living in independent living however her cognitive status has declined a lot in the last few months. Several weeks ago she was hospitalized due to increased confusion which turned into a period where she was essentially completely unaware of her surrounding and was lashing out. After 5 days, she d/c to a rehab facility with a 24 hour sitter (due to her periodic agitation). She now has a geri psych titrating her meds. We recently had a facility care conference and it was determined that she needs 24/7 oversight. We have the opportunity to move her to mc and we are thinking at this point that this may be the best option. We are struggling with how to tell her this as we expect she will become very angry and lash out. Any advice will be appreciated.
Posted: Monday, January 20, 2020 7:05 PM
Joined: 11/22/2019
Posts: 177

Perhaps tell her the doctor wants her to go to this facility for a while, until she gets better.  You are all very concerned and are anxious for her to feel better and you agree with the doctor.

My mother struggled a while after placement.  It was heart breaking, but I used fibs that were once true.

The plan had been for her to stay at the board and care (assisted living AL) temporarily while I found and moved to a place where we would have room for her to stay with us.

We found she had declined far more than we realized and that her care would be beyond me. 

So, when she asked when she was going home, I would tell her to remember the plan, that it was temporary.

She no longer asks.

It breaks my heart to tell the fibs that allow her to be more settled and comfortable.  But since they make her more settled and comfortable, I will continue to tell them with love.



Posted: Monday, January 20, 2020 7:48 PM
Joined: 1/20/2020
Posts: 3

Thank you for your suggestion.  We have a similar situation, expecting her to go back to Ind Living w services, but she too has declined.  I very much appreciate you taking the time to respond.
Posted: Monday, January 20, 2020 11:10 PM
Joined: 2/6/2018
Posts: 154

Transitioning her to MC now sounds like a good idea to me too. I agree with Kaw's tactics. I would not make a big deal of it or any big announcement or discussion. Simply make the move and casually let her know your fib in the process... maybe a problem occurred in her previous living quarters while she was gone and now repairs are needed so she gets this "upgraded" room where they have lots of staff waiting on people giving them anything they need. "Isn't it great?" with a positive attitude. It can be sold as being temporary, either for repairs, or because everyone who's in the hospital stays here for a while per doctor's orders... Think of a fib that might work in her situation (being sure that it appears you and your siblings were not involved) and get her favorite and familiar items in there waiting for her when she arrives. You've got a great opportunity here - moving her right after a hospitalization/rehab - and I'd take it. With a fib, you can take her side "I know, it sucks that you have to change rooms for a while", rather than the anger being directed at you (hopefully). Don't mention it to her in advance. Wait until move day if possible. This will save her and you unnecessary stress.