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Horrible 2 days
Posted: Thursday, April 2, 2020 11:43 PM
Joined: 6/3/2016
Posts: 78

How fast things can change. My DH has never wandered outside -until yesterday. I was in the basement looking for old pictures for him & I thought he was upstairs in his recliner, napping & watching TV. I came upstairs & he was gone. I looked all over for him & then realized he was gone. I ran all over the neighborhood & found him 3 blocks away! I caught up to him & he got pretty combative with me & pushed me away. He didn’t push hard but it caught me off balance & I fell - at the exact moment a UPS truck was driving by. The young driver stopped, jumped out of his truck & was close to tackling my DH. I finally convinced him it was ok, I was ok but bless his heart for coming to my rescue. Finally got DH home where he continued in his bad mood. 11:30pm last night he wants to drive somewhere & goes in the garage & gets in the car. He doesn’t know how to open the garage door & hasn’t driven in 8 years. Took me until 1:am to get him to bed & I didn’t sleep all night, fearing he would do it again. 

Then today we had a Dr appt because he has been complaining of hurting in the stomach & groin area. No UTI but kidney stones in bladder & beginning of intestinal blockage so colonoscopy on horizon. He is already totally incontinent so I can’t wait for this one. Blood pressure up, weight down. 

Thanks for letting me vent. Feel better already.

Posted: Friday, April 3, 2020 1:16 AM
Joined: 6/12/2016
Posts: 988

Yes indeed! You've most definitely had two bad days. You must be exhausted from all of it. I'm really sorry DH left the house like that! Two different times I've thought my Mom left the house, each time I found her in my bed with the comforter pulled up over her head. Scared the day light outta me. I can only imagine what you experienced. I sure hope he doesn't start doing this more. I wonder what made him want to drive after 8 years? If we could only know what our LO'S are thinking and feeling.

Im sorry about the kidney stones too. Poor guy. I wish I could do something to help you and DH. I just want you to know I thinking about you. I hope you can get some rest. 

Posted: Friday, April 3, 2020 4:47 AM
Joined: 4/2/2018
Posts: 2730

Espy, I'm sorry you had such a bad 2 days. We just never know what is around the next corner. It was about a month ago, my wife was upset with me, and decided to leave. She has not driven a car for about 30 years, so she just took off walking. I let her go, then called the police, letting them know about her dementia. I watched her until she was out of site, about 1/2 block away, so I knew exactly what direction she was going. The police picked her up about 2 blocks away, then took a picture of her, and entered her information in their database. The reason I'm telling you about this is because I didn't have any further animosity towards me. It was the police that picked her up, not me. I hope things get much better for you.
Dreamer Lost
Posted: Friday, April 3, 2020 7:51 AM
Joined: 3/7/2019
Posts: 448

Oh Epsy, what a horrible 2 days.  I think pain can make a lot of our LO's lash out when they can't tell us what is wrong. I have door sensors on my doors that will chime whenever DH opens a door but am also looking at putting locks up high on the doors to keep DH from being able to open them. My DH is also urinary incontinent and not looking forward to the next step.  I do try to keep enough fiber and fluids in him to make sure his bowel movements are easy to pass though.  So sorry to hear about the kidney stones and intestinal blockage.  Keep us posted. Take care of yourself also.
Posted: Friday, April 3, 2020 9:51 AM
Joined: 6/5/2014
Posts: 1486

How must have been frantic until you found him, and then it got WORSE! These things can happen so suddenly & with no warning. The day my DW decided to take off, there was a few inches of snow & she was in her crocs & a housecoat. She was spotted crossing a busy highway & was picked up by police & taken to the ER. Luckily a neighbor witnessed it, so I didn't have to waste time hunting her. 

As a kidney stone sufferer, I think that almost certainly was the pain he was having. You may have to modify his diet or get him on medication for this...they can become excruciatingly painful.

David J
Posted: Friday, April 3, 2020 10:00 AM
Joined: 2/15/2020
Posts: 43

Espy- I just want add my sympathy to the others listed here. My DW hasn’t wandered yet, but is incontinent and sometimes argumentative. Hang in there.
Posted: Friday, April 3, 2020 11:32 AM
Joined: 2/1/2018
Posts: 464


I was thinking about you and wondering if you had gotten to try the plate guards to assist with your DH's eating.  WOW! You have way bigger issues to contend with than food falling off the plate.  I am so sorry to read of his escape.  What a frightening situation and thank goodness for the UPS driver. (I would like to think it was my nephew; he drives in NJ). 

My three big life savers in the midst of this horrible disease with stage 6 DH are: no wandering, no aggression, no incontinence, yet.  I don't go looking for trouble, but recognize that it could be just over the horizon.  I empathize with all caregivers and the trials we/they face.  I am an optimist by nature, maybe it was the pain that was the root of the behavior.  I hope things have settled down and this was a one time occurrence.  

" When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on."  F. D. Roosevelt

Posted: Friday, April 3, 2020 11:43 PM
Joined: 6/3/2016
Posts: 78

Thank you all for your kind words & support. DH has not tried to get out again but we had a blast of winter yesterday with high winds & freezing rain/snow. He is extremely restless though & keeps talking about some guy he has to meet so they can put things together. His Dr called me this morning to see how he was doing & said his anxiety & restlessness are probably related to his discomfort. He knows something’s not right & he has no control over it. Hopefully this too shall pass. For me, it is comforting to have you all to vent to since we all are on the same train (maybe different cars) on this journey.
Posted: Saturday, April 4, 2020 5:31 AM
Joined: 1/25/2018
Posts: 603

Way off topic, sorry

 feudman-just looking at your profile pic drops my blood pressure 20 points. Thanks.

Posted: Sunday, April 5, 2020 12:17 AM
Joined: 1/24/2019
Posts: 191

I know I am not alone, when I see someone else in pain about their LO wandering and bizarre behavior.  Last few days, DH keeps hiding objects all over the house, and now decided to hide some coins in the back yard.  He also thinks the 2 painters across the street have taken his possessions.  I stopped him a couple of times from walking across the street.  I finally decided to go across street to talk to the nice painter and just let him know about my situation, and how to handle it if DH went over there.  He was so nice to me in return and said he understood.  Just exhausting days and nights.  Thanks for letting me vent as well..........Hopefully I can go to bed and get some sleep.
Posted: Monday, April 6, 2020 9:06 PM
Joined: 1/7/2020
Posts: 2

Hi....There are so many excruciating stories, but I am so glad I am not alone.  My DH was not officially diagnosed with a specific dementia - but his Primary Doctor has assessed him and all of the signs are there.

I have noticed a sharp decline in my DH's behavior and cognitive ability, in just the past few months. He is a lot older than I am, which was absolutely no problem until two years ago when small signs were hinting that something wasn't quite right. I lost my "original" companion and buddy.. Grown children are geographically distant, so I am his only caregiver. 

My current problem is that I am at an angry stage and I'm feeling very guilty about it. Getting impatient with his incoherent remarks and mood swings, even though I tell myself that it's the disease, not the person I loved and married. How do the rest of you cope? I don't want to argue with him when he makes accusations or paranoid claims, but I find myself trying to reason with him as if things were "normal" between us. Sometimes I leave the room and just scream into a pillow.

Fortunately, we have wonderful friends who call him regularly (and who used to visit before the Stay-at-Home order!).  We have arranged respite dates for me on occasion, so I can have lunch with a friend or go thrift store shopping. Again - that was pre-COVID19.

We are managing with our stay-at-home situation and feeling fortunate that we are still healthy - and one thing I try to do is take him on occasional 20-minute field trips, even if it's just to the drive-through ATM or the post office. He stays in the car if I need to take care of business. But I drive the "scenic route," and go through parts of our small town that we haven't seen in awhile - looking at stores, or babbling brooks, or blossoming trees, or the river, etc. It seems to calm him down - for a while anyway!

Appreciate any thoughts on how to control my anger and resentment that this dementia could happen to such a bright, talented, compassionate man. Bless you all !