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what to do about strange postings
alz+
Posted: Tuesday, June 9, 2015 8:30 PM
Joined: 9/12/2013
Posts: 3560



Sometimes people post things that are - different - from their past messages. If we use the boards enough we notice changes in each other's thinking or message board behavior.

I don't know if I should private message them, or bring it up, or let it slide but I do hope to never come down on others living with dementia for using language that many might find hurtful or even offensive.

Then there is the factor of being unaware when we are changing.

any suggestions?

When people noticed I was getting too depressed they mentioned it on the boards, and very kindly. Iris and LLee (both gone now) told me to get help and it sank in. I did get help.

but it might antagonize someone too. I ask we all understand we cannot hold each other to impossibly high standards in this regard, but respond with healing words. Living with dementia means we cut each other slack.


Jo C.
Posted: Wednesday, June 10, 2015 10:54 AM
Joined: 12/9/2011
Posts: 11210


That is very caring of you, alz+. Sometimes we can help, other times we cannot do as much as we wish we could, and occasionally we can do nothing at all.

I have been on the Message Board for about ten years. What I notice from time to time is that occasionally, a Member may suddenly become highly overwrought and steeped in highly negative actions that they are unable to let go of to the point it can become sort of like an obsession. Often there is blasting and blaming of others in a very negative manner. There is a definite change in their condition or personality and we can actually "feel" their change through their words and actions.

Agitated depression can be a big driver in such dynamics.

As it goes on, for some, the entire demeanor changes and they have no way out and they are truly suffering and need help but the insight at that point is often not there. They go on and on and in fact their language and how they speak or lash out often increases. It is distressing to witness and not be able to help. Sometimes trying to help only causes the person to become more upset.

Each person will be different in how they respond.

Often, the person will respond ONLY to those who will join them in their beliefs and actions. This is not unusual when such dynamics exist and it is the worst thing for them as the reinforcement can cause a deeper decline and delay in getting help.

If one is a "close" friend on the Message Board, one could privately message and let the person know there is concern for them. Yet, when a person is in that mode there is a chance that they will not respond well to that.

In this ten years, what I see most often is that the person who is having said changes will rather disappear from the Message Board for quite a period of time. They can either be continuing to suffer and want no more contact while in that bad place; OR most often, they have seen their physician and are having their treatment plan adjusted and they are taking time out.

I have also actually seen Members who crash so hard that they are hospitalized for a period of time until their condition improves.

When there is improvement, most will usually return to the Message Board.

Your heart is in the right place; it is a person by person individual sort of thing. Most important thing of all is that we truly do care and that we are here when one returns or reaches out and they are welcomed back with open hearts and open arms.

J.