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Distance
obrien4j
Posted: Monday, April 8, 2019 8:40 AM
Joined: 11/18/2016
Posts: 451


You don’t see me 

You don’t believe it exists 

That thing that is killing my brain 

Little by little 

Everyday, a little more 

Until it’s all gone 

Until I’m gone 

And then what? 

Regrets of wasted time and lonely nights 

Of romantic moons and sunrises 

We never saw, we never lived 

Because we were too busy living out the monotony of life 

As if we’d live forever 

As if we’d never be touched 

By death 

You don’t see me 

Because you don’t want to 

Stop and ask how I’ve been 

That would make it too real 

You wouldn’t know what to say 

 You’d walk away 

You’re too uncomfortable 

That it exists 

So we’ll just pretend it doesn’t 

At least for a while 

Until we can pretend no more 

You don’t see me 

You need to help me 

Where will I go? 

What will I do?  

 I have nothing 

And you let me have nothing 

No questions, no talk, nothing 

Only all the wrong I do 

Because you don't want to see me 


Why must I make you feel comfortable with my dying? 

 


BadMoonRising
Posted: Monday, April 8, 2019 10:46 AM
Joined: 4/22/2017
Posts: 322


Obrien! I am so happy that you have posted. The poem, unfortunately, is spot on. I've never read anything that so accurately captures the essence of what is and what will be for people like us.
Mimi S.
Posted: Monday, April 8, 2019 11:35 AM
Joined: 11/29/2011
Posts: 7029


obrien,

It is so good to hear from you!!!!

Although if I read the feelings behind your poem correctly, things are not going well. I'm so sorry to hear that. Do talk with us about what's going on in your life.

 


obrien4j
Posted: Monday, April 8, 2019 7:26 PM
Joined: 11/18/2016
Posts: 451


That was months ago, Mimi, although some things never change
obrien4j
Posted: Monday, April 8, 2019 7:32 PM
Joined: 11/18/2016
Posts: 451


I am flattered by your comment BMR....I think.....unfortunately... you get it. Im preaching to the choir when I say that this can be so overwhelming and without a strong support system, some of our closest ,can make this “journey” even more difficult. It shouldn’t be like that,
alz+
Posted: Thursday, May 2, 2019 8:35 AM
Joined: 9/12/2013
Posts: 3560


Obrien! yes!

so glad I read your poem today, how did I miss your name - oh, never mind. 

as I am cutting off people who upset me and/or cruel people and especially untrustworthy people I find the only people who seem to get it are the 1% natural caregiver types and people with cognitive problems.

feel lucky to live in time of internet so I can have so many dementia friendly friends. The abuse and cold indifference is bad enough, but when they say, "I didn't say that!" or "You better control yourself" or the hundred other distancing signals it really sets me off and my brakes are gone most days.

On the other hand, we have dogs. Always kind, patient, fun, ready for adventure.

Just great to see you here again.

*****

Going from troubled home life marriage to single was a shock. Really hard, often dangerous, and it was best thing to do. The abandonment regarding intimacy and romance was the rejection that was too painful to repeat day after day.

Beautiful poem, to the point, made me feel less alone and not making things up.

Love you!


obrien4j
Posted: Tuesday, May 7, 2019 4:53 PM
Joined: 11/18/2016
Posts: 451


alz+...old friend. Breathe deep and think RV Park. Looks pretty good right about now, doesn’t it? Will email soon. Hang in there and lots of hugs!