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PLEASE HELP!
D.J. Green Bay
Posted: Friday, April 26, 2019 4:01 PM
Joined: 4/26/2019
Posts: 2


My dad had Alzheimer’s and since passed...I am only 28 he was only 65 when he died...it’s been three years since he’s been gone but I still am having a hard time grieving...I was 18 when he was diagnosed and I can’t seem to cope with the trauma of this terrible disease...I helped my mother with the care taking and felt I needed to be strong for her so at the time I was. But now it seems like I can’t process the deep emotions.. I feel like I am alone because of my age... can anyone please help?
Jo C.
Posted: Friday, April 26, 2019 5:44 PM
Joined: 12/9/2011
Posts: 10392


Hello DJ; and welcome.  I am truly very sorry for the loss of your dear father, and  for what you are now experiencing; you should not have to experience this alone.

To get input asap, you can make a call to the Alzheimer's Assn. Helpline at (800) 272-3900.  It is open 24/7.  If you do call, please ask to speak to a Care Consultant.  There is no fee for this service.  Consultants are highly educated Social Workers who specialize in dementia and family dynamics.  They are very supportive, good listeners and can often assist in getting us pointed in the right direction.

I think that sometimes our grief lingers strongly when we lose someone we love; especially when we have been involved in care.   For me, I have often thought it was similar to having a sort of PTSD.  It takes time to work through.  You are not alone in this and we who have "been there," do understand..

Another option would be to use your zip code on Google and search for a bereavement support group.   Green Bay is a good sized place, (I have been there and it is lovely), and there will be some support groups for you to screen for the one that is the best fit for you.  Hospices also have bereavement groups and you can find them online using Google and your zip code or using the words, "Green Bay."

Many of the Members on this Message Board who have lost a Loved One, have also used private one on one counseling to work through their feelings; that too is an option and would be personal.

If you go back out to the grid that lists the different Forums where you came in on this site, you will find that there is a Forum entitled, "Caregivers Who Have Lost Someone."   That is a Forum for ALL who have lost a loved one to dementia whether they were primary caregivers or not.  They will welcome you and also be able to speak to you from experience.

If you feel you are in crisis, do not hesitate to reach out for immediate help; even if it means going to an ER to be assessed.  If you can, it may be time to let your primary care doctor know about the anxiety, and/or depression or other feelings you are experiencing; after a physical exam and assessment, there may be medication to assist to get you over the worst of this on a short term basis. 

If you have a close group of family and friends, do keep them in your life; the more caring people around us, it often helps to shore things up during the worst of the difficult times.

Please also feel free  to write on any of the Forums to get more input from other Members; we will be thinking of you and we truly do care.

J.


D.J. Green Bay
Posted: Saturday, April 27, 2019 12:34 PM
Joined: 4/26/2019
Posts: 2


Thank you I will look into those options....thank you for the response and information
Jo C.
Posted: Saturday, April 27, 2019 2:18 PM
Joined: 12/9/2011
Posts: 10392


Hello D.J. I was thinking of you; thank you for writing, we truly do care. 

J.


jfkoc
Posted: Saturday, April 27, 2019 2:51 PM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 17810


Hi DJ......Like Jo wrote, we care.

Death is a hard thing to grapple with....the very concept of it.

Perhaps part of your difficulty processing are your own expectations. Three years is certainly within my idea of having a hard time. My husband died just over three years ago and I have some very difficult times. times when I feel that I do not want to go on. Times when the loneliness is too much.

It takes as long as it takes.

For me the best solution is too acknowledge how I feel....what has happened. Coming here has been a big help.

I hope you will feel that you can lean on us and share openly.

Please do post on any forum you wish but you may get more responses on the forum especially for those who have lost a loved one.


alz+
Posted: Tuesday, April 30, 2019 12:13 PM
Joined: 9/12/2013
Posts: 3551


imagine your Dad with you -he probably is.

I miss my Dad every day, been 20 years. When I think of him now I feel him close by, still miss his presence but he is close.

DJ - what a wonderful person you are.

Jo C - you say the exact best things to me and others, there are words of thanks I can express to this board. I love all of you so much


Jo C.
Posted: Saturday, May 4, 2019 2:50 PM
Joined: 12/9/2011
Posts: 10392


Hello DJ, here I am again, you are being thought of and more warm thoughts are being sent your way.

 J.


Lisita
Posted: Monday, May 6, 2019 6:55 PM
Joined: 4/3/2018
Posts: 64


alz is horrible disease your dad was ready to die . i lost my mom when i was 22. i thought it was horrible but she had als . and now i have the gene that gives me rfld dementia  it is a life lesson we live we die and what's in the middle counts ! i became a social worker because of this life experience  i perserviered we all must carry on ! God carries us always has and always will ! good luck

lisa