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When I am sad a butterfly comes to vist
Posted: Sunday, August 2, 2015 12:01 PM
Joined: 5/20/2014
Posts: 4405

This is true lately whenever I feel blue. I open the screened porch door to let the dog out and there is a monarch lingering and flying about in the back of the house. Sometimes one will linger for what seems like several minutes. There are times when my spirit is lifted by the brilliant orange and yellow colors and the freedom with which the butterfly flies. When the sadness is too heavy to be lifted I still nevertheless, wonder if this is a sign? One of my angels? God? Love? Perhaps this is a longing for freedom or foolish nonsense.

The monarch came to me today. I am sad about Diesel and what else I'm not sure. He has gone another several days w/o eating and barley drinking. He wouldn't get out of bed yesterday other than to pee no matter how hard I coached him. I joined him in bed for awhile and coddled and petted him. He came close to my face like he was going to kiss me but just snuggled close. He seems to be sleeping more and more and is harder to wake. Today he joined me on the couch and out on the screened porch and basked in the sun. He wouldn't even walk around outside the house today or eat his favorite treats. He does not appear to be in pain but does seem sad and depressed. His sad beautiful eye's gripping at my heart. He has had periods like this before but seems to pull through. I keep thinking he may not pull through one of these days. Worry I will come home from work and find him dead! I was thinking that if he passed this weekend at least I would be here with him! There is still no confirmation of diagnosis or prognosis which angers me after spending so much on vets; 'maybe neurological or brain tumor we don't know.' I have tramadol in case he has pain and will call the vet and pharmacy tomorrow about zofran for in case he has stomach upset and nausea. I keep wondering if I should have him euthinized and if by doing that I would be sparing him a painful death.This is really hard for me!

Posted: Sunday, August 2, 2015 12:15 PM
Joined: 9/12/2013
Posts: 3560

Diesel. Everyone who has loved a dog knows the place you are in.

sending love to you and your best boy.

The butterfly- it occurred to you might be sign of guardian angel. This morning I was crying and sitting in an upstairs room, just forlorn, lonely. I looked out the window and doe was slowly walking through my yard. No other deer with her. My first thought was also, reminder Guardian angel.

sometimes I get the feeling online friends from these boards are in synch so much we grieve on same days. If I could I would come sit on your porch.

There has never been an easy separation from any of my animals, the end of life we share with them is really painful. Would not miss all the years together though for the world.

Please let us know how you are both doing. There is no way to be certain - hard to not know what is giving up and what is being merciful.

love and courage

Posted: Sunday, August 2, 2015 5:04 PM
Joined: 12/5/2011
Posts: 795

I'm so sorry for you and for Diesel.

End of life can be very difficult.

Continue to show him love and affection as he does to you.

Comfort is the key.

My heart aches for both of you.

A butterfly is always a wonderful sign of renewal and life.

Please, take care. Keep us posted.

Love to both of you,


Posted: Monday, August 3, 2015 12:00 AM
Joined: 3/7/2012
Posts: 1751

After my beloved died 18 months ago, for endless days and weeks and months, I sobbed and cried.
My heart and soul longing to be on the wings of a monarch butterfly. To take me away.
To fly in the wind.
And in the distance. To disappear through space and time to No-Space and No-Time.
To be entwined with my beloved. Again.

" Loving memories of your beloved, are kept in your heart. In your soul, you are one with him." On a sunny warm day, a monarch whispered softly to me.

In the Here-and-Now. I have found my immortal beloved. A monarch brought him back to me!!!
A gift of love eternal. From a butterfly to me...
I believe I have found peace. And acceptance.

Diesel's not eating and not drinking is a natural way that all beings have of protecting themselves from discomfort and pain. Humans do it. Animals do it. He needs to rest and to be still. And to be quiet. Without too much fuss. And without panic.
It may well be that he is not feeling sad... You are feeling sad. Diesel is just taking care of his illness. Keep cuddling with him. He smells you...
Keep whispering loving soothing words to him. He hears you...

If your beloved faithful companion and best friend, Diesel, is to die while you are not present try not to panic and be engulfed in fear and in oppressing dark thoughts imagining the worst...
Dying without you being present, may be Diesel's way of sparing you some visuals...
I tell you, the very, very moment of death is peaceful... I saw peace on my beloved's eyes.

Try to imagine Diesel calm and peaceful and without pain. Sitting on the wings of a monarch butterfly being introduced to the Nameless One... Flying amongst the stars. Sniffing. Jumping. Rolling and playing. Chasing butterflies from one constellation to another. For all eternity... So lovely.

You may be given the advice by the vet, or by your intuitive intelligence, to spare him from more physical pain. If it comes to that, it is an act of the heart... An act of love.... An act of the most profound manifestation of care... Your loving humanity in action. You shall be respected and admired for your courage and grace to do what needs to be done.

Hugs to you. And Diesel...

I am sorry you are going through this.

Posted: Monday, August 3, 2015 7:30 AM
Joined: 5/20/2014
Posts: 4405

Thank you for your kind thoughts and words. He's been glued to my side since yesterday and now I have to leave him to go to work! Maybe I have to trust my Guardian Angel to watch over my 'good boy.' I still tell my sons' 'the dog is the only one who listens!'
Paul Hornback
Posted: Monday, August 3, 2015 2:30 PM
Joined: 8/9/2013
Posts: 584

llee, so sorry to hear about Diesel. I know this is very difficult on you personally. Do hang in there as we care so much about you. I have a 17 year old Chihuahua that is nearing the end as well. He is barely able to get around. I'm lucky enough though to have 3 of his offspring that keep me company.

Sending you hugs and prayers.

God bless, Paul

Posted: Monday, August 3, 2015 4:53 PM
Joined: 7/24/2015
Posts: 3020

I am so sorry to all who are going through the elder-times with their beloved animals. The end of the path with our furry friends is heartbreaking.

I have no good or eloquent words about. My best dog died last summer and I buried him in the yard and grieved since. There are no words for how much I need him now. I thought never again would I get a dog.

It was the thread here about dogs that caused me to want to join.

Sorry I don't have better words.

Good bye is going to be hard either way you choose, and whatever you choose is ok.

Hang in there.

Posted: Monday, August 3, 2015 8:43 PM
Joined: 5/20/2014
Posts: 4405

Wow Paul 17! You must have given him a great life.Thank you for your kindness and understanding.
Posted: Tuesday, August 4, 2015 7:40 AM
Joined: 5/20/2014
Posts: 4405

I got Diesel out for a little walk last night. He ate a treat this morning and drank some water. I am trying to coach him to eat baby food and whatever dog food he wants. Maybe he'll come out of this again. I have someone coming in to take him for a short walk or spend some time with him while I'm at work today.