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Teepa Snow on Visiting & Challenging Behaviors
The_Sun_Still_Rises
Posted: Saturday, August 22, 2015 7:24 PM
Joined: 7/24/2015
Posts: 3020


Omgosh, I could listen to her forever...

"We need to learn to cope better, because they can't..."

"Once you understand why they are doing what they are doing, it changes how you look at what they are doing..."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sUgPm8RMa48


The_Sun_Still_Rises
Posted: Sunday, August 23, 2015 8:19 AM
Joined: 7/24/2015
Posts: 3020


In video 1 she talks about when PWD ask the same question over and over. Her recommend to caregivers is to BREATHE. To take deep cleansing breaths.

She uses the example of being in the car. I had another thought on this. Being a passenger in a car is very hard for me. And all thru the drive I am trying so hard just to cope with things moving my body and moving fast in my visual field. It is sensory overload to the max, for me.

In an effort to cope, it helps to know how long we have to cope...I am able to remind myself, repetitively, that we are almost there. But if that part of me was to go, and I could not remember...or if the person driving me didn't tell me where we were going, or if I didn't get out much so I couldn't know how far things are...then all I have left to me to know how much longer is to ask.

I think, for a caregiver to realize that a car ride is very overwhelming and stressful...and that we are scrambling to cope...that continually reassuring us that there is 10 minutes left, 7minutes left, 5 minutes left, etc...would go such a long way in helping us maintain.

But, again...that would require partnering with us towards the common goal of ease for both...


jfkoc
Posted: Sunday, August 23, 2015 10:22 AM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 18979


perhaps this is the link...http://www.alzheimersweekly.com/
The_Sun_Still_Rises
Posted: Sunday, August 23, 2015 10:54 AM
Joined: 7/24/2015
Posts: 3020


Video 7 is about helping people to potty, and helping re checkbook

She has some amazing tips and tricks.

Love this woman!


The_Sun_Still_Rises
Posted: Sunday, August 23, 2015 11:10 AM
Joined: 7/24/2015
Posts: 3020


Video 3 is about how to help us take pills...best ever
Unforgiven
Posted: Sunday, August 23, 2015 11:10 AM
Joined: 1/28/2013
Posts: 2661


I just watched the first video, about deep beathing and cortisol. How true, how true. I recognize it in myself, and I have all those things she mentioned- sporadic high blood pressure, I gained weight(which I managed to shed) and I had to go back on anti-depressants because I could feel my serotonin was running out.
The_Sun_Still_Rises
Posted: Sunday, August 23, 2015 11:16 AM
Joined: 7/24/2015
Posts: 3020


Video 4, it starts with you [caregiver]...how caregivers make the bad behaviors.

Another horrible statistic: out of 5 families dealing with this, 4 will fall apart...only 1 will come together.


Unforgiven
Posted: Sunday, August 23, 2015 1:00 PM
Joined: 1/28/2013
Posts: 2661


Mine won't. We're tough, and if I can adapt to a life-partner with autism, I've already learned some of the communication part. Now I just have to learn to handle my own stress so I don't die before my mother. I do want to pre-decease my spouse.

I'm not an inyour face type of person like Teepa demonstrated. I doubt I'll ever provoke physical abgression. The 'bad behavior' I'm dealing with (and it's more like throw up my hands in defeat behavior is my mother having agreed to some things set up for her health and safety, and then quietly doing them any when I'm not looking.

This is actually a pattern of hers from childhood from where she had to sneak behind the back of her unreasonable stepmother, whom I always thought was an abuser physically and mentally but now I'm looking at 'Nana' in a different light. Some of the things she has done are outright dangerous for her, although she does not believe that.

I plan to ask Michael a question about dealing with extremely high functioning PWDs like you guys, anyone of whom is capable of formulating a simple plan and being not entirely honest about it if it's something you don't agree with. My mother can definitely conceal things from me and answer me back when I catch her at it. My mother is very high functioning except in a few select areas. I could laugh about the time we'd misplaced the car keys and she was the only one who remembered the last time the car was driven when neither of us could. The joke that time, is on us.

I am definitely going to start the deep breathing three times a day, because anything and everything helps.

The_Sun_Still_Rises
Posted: Sunday, August 23, 2015 8:38 PM
Joined: 7/24/2015
Posts: 3020


I think one of the problems (and some call it stigma) of dementia, is that once we are diagnosed, everyone seems in a race to take things away from us. I conceal a lot, and I have been concealing a lot for the entire duration of this (6+ years). But, I am also really clear on some boundaries that I draw for my own safety.

I still drive, for example. I care for my elderly mother, and now I have my young adult daughter and her baby that I need to care for and manage their lives for. It is very stressful and I wish someone would take some of it over for me...but I am managing it...so I am blessed for that.

Boundaries I draw on safety...I only will drive places that I know well, that I have driven 1000 times, and have an autopilot for. I have had that one in place for years. I do not drive any place extra...just for what I have to do, doctors and groceries. And I still drive ok, no one is honking at me or anything and I am not making stupid mistakes (I watch very carefully for any sign in myself). I feel because I am honest with myself and because I do have clear signs that I know when to draw things to a close, that I am still safe. Since the household depends on me...I don't have the luxury that others who have people to help them have.

That is not to say that driving is not stressful, it is very stressful...and I do a lot of advance preparation as well. I must go over the route so many times before I go. I don't think driving will be my downfall...I feel that coming in other areas.

If she is sneaking, it is because she doesn't trust you...my guess. The hard part for caregivers, my guess, is that we are still people...and not children, and it is still our lives. As far as habits for health...I do them, but that is me...but I am also of the mind, that I am dying, so why not enjoy things.

Like, I care for my mom day in and day out...and I have foregone medical care because of fear they would hospitalize me and my mom would have to spend a few days in a nursing home. But now, after diagnosis...I have made a list of things I want to do before I can't. One is to take my daughter to Hawaii...and for that I'll have to put my mom in a home for respite. It is not quite the same, but we only have so long.

The key to behavior, I feel...the key to keeping me happy anyways, is to get my true agreement.

I don't know...I am not saying what I am trying to say.



The_Sun_Still_Rises
Posted: Monday, August 24, 2015 7:23 AM
Joined: 7/24/2015
Posts: 3020


I think Teepa Snow's Making Visits Count video series is about the best caregiver training I have seen. I am making this mandatory for my daughter...

If you haven't watched them yet, you might really want to.


Unforgiven
Posted: Monday, August 24, 2015 11:52 AM
Joined: 1/28/2013
Posts: 2661


So far, I've watched the first, about taking deep breaths before responding to stressful things, and the 4th, about care-partner provoked behavior. I like Teepa Snow, who is a down to earth person with a sense of humor.

When it comes to taking things away, I never do that unless it has become a long-standing problem. I was not eager to end the driving, because it meant more dependence on us, but once I heard it directly from a doctor who had just adm7nistered what I now recognize as the MOCA and said to her, "Betsy, if I were taking the amount of Oxycontin you're on I wouldn't be able to walk across the room. No driving until you've reduced your dosage," I was truly on alert for the public's safety as well as her own. Same with the checkbook and the credit card. It had been eight years of overdrafts, giving the credit card number to strangers, and lost bills, and two costly scams. Even so, she refused to relinquish the credit card until my POA sprung. I'm in no hurry to take away the joys in her life, but there are times when it's necessary.

I'm not saying this to humiliate her, but rather to explain why I'm not the evil control freak that she thinks I am.

Iris L.
Posted: Monday, August 24, 2015 1:22 PM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 16612


The_Sun_Still_Rises wrote:

I think one of the problems (and some call it stigma) of dementia, is that once we are diagnosed, everyone seems in a race to take things away from us.

This is one of the phrases that I don't like. I don't believe a person can take anything away from a competent person. If a person is unable to perform an activity safely, such as driving, it is the disease that has taken away the PRIVILEGE of driving. By law, no one of any age or status is allowed to drive impaired, regardless of the reason for the impairment, whether medical or pharmaceutical. If a person's judgement is altered, that person is impaired.

I think one of the benefits of this board is to make patients aware of safety issues, so that we can assess our own safety. At times, we may not be able to have enough awareness to assess our own safety. But we can attempt for as long as possible.


I conceal a lot, and I have been concealing a lot for the entire duration of this (6+ years). But, I am also really clear on some boundaries that I draw for my own safety.

Often, caregivers accuse their LOs of hiding or concealing. I did not believe them. But I discovered that I do the same. I don't like it, because I am not a secretive person. This is an area for me to explore further.


I still drive, for example. I care for my elderly mother, and now I have my young adult daughter and her baby that I need to care for and manage their lives for.

At some point, we have to balance our caregiving for others with our own care. Sun, you are in the sandwich generation. But you must put on your oxygen mask first. You probably know this already.

It is very stressful and I wish someone would take some of it over for me...but I am managing it...so I am blessed for that.

As far as habits for health...I do them, but that is me...but I am also of the mind, that I am dying, so why not enjoy things.

We are still alive now, and life is for the living! I have decided that I am going to live until I die. I agree, we must enjoy our lives. When I feel better, I enjoy more.

Best Practices are lifestyle habits that help slow the progress of dementia and help us function better. I have noticed improvement since performing Best Practices. Other patients have also noted improvement in their cognition and functioning.


Like, I care for my mom day in and day out...and I have foregone medical care because of fear they would hospitalize me and my mom would have to spend a few days in a nursing home.

All caregivers of a dependent person must have a plan B. No one knows when an emergency will arise. Also, preventative care may avoid some crises.


But now, after diagnosis...I have made a list of things I want to do before I can't. One is to take my daughter to Hawaii...and for that I'll have to put my mom in a home for respite. It is not quite the same, but we only have so long.

Many of us have traveled after dx. I have been to Rome and Israel. Myriam went to Kenya. Crush on the Spouse/Partner board takes his DW with AD all over Europe, and they are now camping at Kruger National Park in South Africa for a month. By all means, go for it!

Now is the time to think about our bucket lists and proceed as much as we can.


The key to behavior, I feel...the key to keeping me happy anyways, is to get my true agreement.

I don't know...I am not saying what I am trying to say.

Do not put pressure on yourself. We need more time to think out our thoughts, now, but we still can think.


Iris L.





The_Sun_Still_Rises
Posted: Tuesday, December 13, 2016 9:31 PM
Joined: 7/24/2015
Posts: 3020


bumping
obrien4j
Posted: Wednesday, December 28, 2016 11:18 AM
Joined: 11/18/2016
Posts: 451


Awesome!
grandmalynda
Posted: Wednesday, December 28, 2016 12:13 PM
Joined: 12/3/2016
Posts: 374


So very grateful to see this post.  Just started watching and can't wait to share with my husband.  What a GREAT woman!

--Lynda