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When It Comes Time To Take Away Our Keys...Watch This
The_Sun_Still_Rises
Posted: Tuesday, September 8, 2015 9:54 AM
Joined: 7/24/2015
Posts: 3020


When it comes time to take away our driving privileges, please do it this way:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9oVXP7uezkA


Unforgiven
Posted: Tuesday, September 8, 2015 10:51 AM
Joined: 1/28/2013
Posts: 2661


This still seems to be the first half of the video-- how not to approach it. I really want to see how to do it right. She does mention having a transportation plan in place at the beginning, but the clip ended before she acted that out.
Unforgiven
Posted: Tuesday, September 8, 2015 11:55 AM
Joined: 1/28/2013
Posts: 2661


Yeah, it wasn't just my tablet acting up. I watched about three minutes about the wrong way to do it, but I'm dying to know the right way. I do know that you have to tread lightly, because you only get one shot at that deer, and if it doesn't work, that's the end of any cooperation. Being cut off at the knees by a well-meaning but clueless psychologist made me very wary of any possible help I might get in the future from the medical establishment. It delayed any possibility of my truly helping her for far too long.

On that subject, I know of a daughter who sued for guardianship because her two elderly parents are being cared for by a drug addict sister, very bad situation, and she lost in court. Now it will all have to play out the way it's going to play out.

The_Sun_Still_Rises
Posted: Tuesday, September 8, 2015 5:10 PM
Joined: 7/24/2015
Posts: 3020


I guess I had not seen it all the way to the end. Well that sucks. Maybe she does that so that we pay to get her training???

And I had felt so lucky to find a couple obscure videos of hers today.

Maybe I will find it some day in the future.


The_Sun_Still_Rises
Posted: Wednesday, September 9, 2015 10:47 PM
Joined: 7/24/2015
Posts: 3020


My daughter and I have been having some ongoing discussions about driving tests (how to adapt them), and a few times now that led into how does one approach a person with dementia when it is time to take away the keys.

I do think the rule of thumb is however you would want to be approached, and whatever way you would think would work if someone used on you.

In all honesty, I don't think the way we came up with for me, will likely work for many people. But, because my daughter and I have a really open and honest relationship and dialog already, this is what we came up for me...a 3 tier process.

1) My own provisions and safeguards will 99% most likely cause me to give up driving long before anyone else would notice any problems in my driving. This is because the things I am looking out for are things that are internal...and wouldn't yet cause a driving issue.

But, on the off chance that my disease progresses in unexpected ways and I suddenly somehow become unable to discern that for myself...

Because my daughter drives with me many times a week, she is in a good position to see changes early on. And, my wish is that when there is ANY change (like that) that it is time...so I am already in agreement...which helps a lot.

2) To tell me it is time. Which, by itself should work...because I am already in agreement; and if it did not work

3) To create a sort of test. "Well mom, if you can XYZ, then you can still drive." Likely I will not be able to complete XYZ, and so I will be forced to confront this reality within myself (rather than as a reality she is presenting me)...and to repeat as many times as I need for me to prove to myself that I really cannot. Then I have only myself to be mad at...and not her. And it also preserves the trust between us that I feel is sooo vital, at least for me...for us, because I want us to always have a good working relationship.

Hope that helps.



The_Sun_Still_Rises
Posted: Monday, September 21, 2015 4:03 PM
Joined: 7/24/2015
Posts: 3020


Yet another clip from Teepa Snow on how to handle getting our keys from us:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gr_47LOFp7M