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Worried about my friend
llee08032
Posted: Thursday, June 1, 2017 7:59 AM
Joined: 5/20/2014
Posts: 4406


So I have a friend not unlike many, who said "I forget things too". I don't recall verbatim exactly what she said but how she said it was different and I could tell she really meant it. She's finally going for testing in a few weeks and I'm worried for her because I notice things that she forgets and her family notices also. Isn't that something that I notice that someone else forgets like I have some kind of radar detector? I think me noticing that others forget things started with me thinking that I could depend on others to remember things for me. Especially, at work I thought I could depend on some of the young sharp minds. I was mistaken. I know, I know, distraction is different than forgetting. 

My friend seems to really to be forgetting. I'm trying to be the friend that she deserves and point her to information w/o scaring the crap out of her and hoping that it's not what it seems! Now that the shoe is on the other foot I feel unprepared for this and needless to say never expected this would happen to a close friend!


Iris L.
Posted: Thursday, June 1, 2017 11:06 AM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 16200


We developed heightened awareness.  I noticed something on my favorite soap opera; a character repeated herself, then seemed unaware of a fact about one of her daughters.  One daughter thinks the mother was a bit "off", but the other daughter didn't notice anything.  Immediately I thought, this story line will involve AD.  I'll see what develops.


With your friend, Ilee, I think the main thing is to rule out other causes.  People need to know that so many factors can impact memory.  Medications are the biggest factor.  Older adults do not metabolize drugs the same as a 40 year old.  


We can't rely on others.  I have family coming to visit next week.  They don't know that I have any problem with my memory, and I'm not telling them.  I hope they don't notice anything.  

I know you will be a good friend to your friend, Ilee.  You are a great friend here on our board with us.  You'll know what to say to her!

 

Iris L.
BlueSkies
Posted: Thursday, June 1, 2017 1:51 PM
Joined: 2/24/2016
Posts: 1096


llee,  I think we notice things like that more now because we ourselves have that problem.  Sorta of like when I became pregnant, I noticed all the other pregnant women more. Never paid much notice to them until I became pregnant.  I think it's like that with a lot of things. 

As far as your friend forgetting and you worrying, I agree with Iris.  She may have something that is reversible.  Either way, I have no doubt that you will be a great friend and support for her.

I wish her well with her testing.


alz+
Posted: Friday, June 2, 2017 6:42 AM
Joined: 9/12/2013
Posts: 3549


Llee - I am going to watch this post as I am in similar situation which I posted about after O'Brien counseled me regarding my fretting about my friend, "She already knows".

Since then my friend DROVE ME TO GET MY HAIR CUT. OMG.

So she is struggling so hard to get out of bed and wanted something to do to help me so she offered and I accepted. When she came I realized I had to sit in front seat (have not in years because of visual distortions make all cars appear to be driving at me). Then I could not do the seat belt thing. I told her I was nervous because I had not sat in the front seat in years etc at which point we were in the wrong lane on the twisting road down the hill. So we got to the highway and she sees me flinch that another car was coming and then drove 25 mph into town on the highway.

Not knowing if this was how she always drives or if she was thinking it would help me I just clutched the seat and white knuckled it.   

*****

I was so glad when Keeper came to pick me up!

*****

back to your situation. I now avoid asking her anything about her difficulties. When she texts me or speaks to me on a walk about her difficulties I am understanding but do not mention going to a doctor or anything.

The eyes are different. I hope people share some ideas on if they wish someone had told them they saw something off.

I had a meltdown in a car rental office in desert 6 years ago. A woman watching pulled my husband aside, told him she understood how difficult Alzheimer's was, and gave us a ride 20 miles back to our rental. (our car was in repair shop). I sat in back seat and my dog sat on top of me and pressed me against the seat with her 90 pounds of fur love all the way back to rental. She spoke to me about my condition as if I knew. That did lead to us figuring out most of my battle mode was based on cognitive changes, then got diagnosed.

In me situation, because I am her only friend up here, is to not offer any opinion until she asks or it becomes critical.

Want to know more about this. 


llee08032
Posted: Friday, June 2, 2017 7:24 AM
Joined: 5/20/2014
Posts: 4406


Alz+ wrote: The eyes are different. I hope people share some ideas on if they wish someone had told them they saw something off. 

I was just thinking last week that my friend's eye's look different! The deer in the headlights look?One of my friend's gave me an old vacation photo she took of me a while back maybe over 12 years ago. I was startled when I saw the picture and my eye's in that picture! I see it in the mirror sometimes and try to practice looking normal. 


BillBRNC
Posted: Friday, June 2, 2017 8:30 AM
Joined: 12/2/2015
Posts: 1018


llee & alz+, the idea about eyes I think is totally correct. My mother had those eyes. After she was diagnosed and progressed to memory care, I looked back her pictures over the years, and it was clear as a bell that her eyes changed. She had the look. It is strange that now that I'm progressing down the same road, I actually can see the eyes when I look at pictures of myself. This is why I've stopped looking at pictures of myself. I don't want to see those eyes looking back at me. I'm worried and scared for all of us. Happy Friday. Bill.
BlueSkies
Posted: Friday, June 2, 2017 10:32 AM
Joined: 2/24/2016
Posts: 1096


Omg, yes, it is true about the eyes.  I hate looking in the mirror also.  It is a strange glassy look.   Others in the family use to see it before my diagnosis and had made comments about it, but now even I see it.  But I also have had trouble with my vision for sometime and thought it was due to that.  Wonder if there is any research being done on this?
Iris L.
Posted: Friday, June 2, 2017 4:27 PM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 16200


There is a "look" that the caregivers have mentioned in their posts.  I think the face becomes more passive and less expressive and the eyes may stare off a bit.  It has been recommended that they look at older photos of their LO to see when they can tell a change.

 

Alz+, I'm concerned about your friend driving in the wrong lane on a twisting road going down a hill.  It may be time for her to reconsider her driving.  


One of the best things to happen to me was for wonderful caregivers on this board to intervene with me, and get me to stop using the stove, because I was in a dangerous situation with the stove and cooking.  There  is nothing wrong with getting input from others.  


Iris L.


alz+
Posted: Saturday, June 3, 2017 3:55 AM
Joined: 9/12/2013
Posts: 3549


faraway eyes.

my dad had them. he would sit outside and look off, he seemed very peaceful, as if he were considering life.

as he was dying and we communicated over those last 10 nights, his eyes were clear and he looked directly at me. 

*****

Iris - about the driving. This woman came back to this area to be alone.  She has her dog with her. She lives in a nice quiet spot with  a view, I have not been there. 

I will keep what you said about driving in mind. Not the right time yet, she is holding back a life time of pain, seems ready to release it, in her own way. 

I am a walking buddy and can't be much more than that, but we do feel a sisterhood and I want to be available.



BillBRNC
Posted: Saturday, June 3, 2017 7:48 AM
Joined: 12/2/2015
Posts: 1018


alz+, this is really interesting. When my mother was dying from her Alz, I was there at her bedside. I had to go out, but I first leaned over her and looked into her blank eyes and told her I loved her. At that very instant, her eyes cleared and she said that she loved me to. Then she died. A couple of things come to mind. First, I wonder how many of us with Alz or some other type of dementia have a parent who had it. I did. My mother's mother also had it. Next, I wonder if I will have a moment of clarity with my wife at the moment before I die. Just wondering.
BlueSkies
Posted: Saturday, June 3, 2017 11:32 AM
Joined: 2/24/2016
Posts: 1096


Bill, that's so sad and yet so sweet what you said.  I hope you have that moment of clarity with your LO.  I hope we all do.
BadMoonRising
Posted: Saturday, June 3, 2017 9:24 PM
Joined: 4/22/2017
Posts: 287


BillBRNC, yes, I have a parent who has dementia, probably Alzheimer's. I haven't observed the "blank eyes" described in this thread and I hope I never do.

 Oh, God. I just realized that I could actually develop the  "blank eyes" before my parent does.


Iris L.
Posted: Sunday, June 4, 2017 1:12 AM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 16200


BadMoonRising, Alz+ always reminds us to smile.  When we have a deep smile, our eyes light up.  Let's hope and pray that we Pioneers will be able to smile and that our eyes will continue to light up!


Iris L.


llee08032
Posted: Sunday, June 4, 2017 10:41 AM
Joined: 5/20/2014
Posts: 4406


The eyes beautifully soften with a smile. If you look deeply enough into the eyes you will find us there. Peace can be seen in the eyes also as our Alz+ saw with her beloved father. It's all good and our crinkling, smiling eyes are the beautiful windows into our souls. 

Once I got over the initial shock of how my eye's looked in that picture I no longer feel fear about it. When it's time I will teach my loved one's not to feel fear either and to look beyond and deeper to find me there. 

I believe that moment of clarity is supernatural... that it is the  Holy Spirit moving through our loved one helping them express they're love for us. Also believe this is a sure sign that our loved one is on there way to heaven and they are at peace with they're passing.


llee08032
Posted: Thursday, June 15, 2017 7:10 AM
Joined: 5/20/2014
Posts: 4406


My friend had her appt at the teaching hospital yesterday. I will see her later today. I gave her a brief synopsis on the required testing and the process for ruling out other medical conditions and what to expect during the visit. 

She was concerned about co-pays and expenses so I advised her to get all that information up front. I imagine a good deal of yesterdays visit involved the initial consultation.

I will learn from her how the diagnostic process goes at a teaching university also. The university is close by where I live so I plan on going there when I'm ready. She is  encouraging me to go and get proper testing from the experts. 

Right now I want to keep this about her but it's looking more and more that we may be in this journey together. I so hope I'm wrong!


llee08032
Posted: Tuesday, September 19, 2017 7:50 AM
Joined: 5/20/2014
Posts: 4406


My dear friend is going for the results of her neuro-psych testing today. Please keep her in your prayers. I'm concerned. She appears to understand me all too well.
Jo C.
Posted: Tuesday, September 19, 2017 8:50 AM
Joined: 12/9/2011
Posts: 10231


You are such a good friend, please let us know how the tests came out and how she is doing.

J.


BlueSkies
Posted: Tuesday, September 19, 2017 2:45 PM
Joined: 2/24/2016
Posts: 1096


Saying a prayer for her...
llee08032
Posted: Wednesday, September 20, 2017 7:23 AM
Joined: 5/20/2014
Posts: 4406


Dx MCI, amnestic type