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Would a manual on how to respond for caregivers be useful?
Posted: Monday, April 22, 2019 4:45 PM
Joined: 11/3/2018
Posts: 133

I used to own a great series of books called How to Say It where it took all kinds of different reasons to write correspondence and how to properly write them.

After my recent post in Musings about "It'd be nice if..." it got me thinking as to whether a book for caregivers on how to say something or how to react to a verbal attack would be useful.

I mean, responding to "If you really cared about me, you'd let me have ice cream!" is different depending on if you're dealing with a petulant child or an octogenarian with dementia.

How do you properly word a notice to a respite worker?

How do you properly ask a sibling for help while being as neutral and noncombative as possible?

I have a lot of examples of how not to do it, having done a lot of it myself recently. I'm also thinking that this is too niche for a publisher to actually bite on it, but on the other hand, it could be helpful to some folks.

Posted: Monday, April 22, 2019 10:43 PM
Joined: 9/8/2017
Posts: 2262

can we include a few slug methods in the manual, just so I can get my kicks afterwards?  So I can watch my sister shaking in her boots...Joking.  

Yeah, I think it can help some folks.  The dynamics and different scenarios/examples that people can relate to.  Also, the perspective of the other person can be included because there are times we caregivers don't consider the other side of the situation.  There have been a few mistakes I've made because I react too quickly and not realize that a call was missed, or someone simply, and truly forgot something.  Things like that have occurred.  Even a misinterpretation.  

Posted: Tuesday, May 21, 2019 10:55 PM
Joined: 5/21/2019
Posts: 7

It’s a great idea! If you find something like that, please share
Posted: Tuesday, June 11, 2019 8:26 PM
Joined: 6/11/2019
Posts: 516

It would be helpful. There's definitely not a one-size-fits-all because they are all affected differently and respond differently. So, several options for various scenarios would be great. Can't tell you how many lists I've exhausted.

LMAO one night when I read a post on another site where a woman was spouting about how she didn't understand how you couldn't get your parents to do what you wanted. Then went on to talk about how she and her father wrangled her mother into the car. You do that on your own ... how?

Any advice will be helpful for someone!




Jo C.
Posted: Thursday, June 13, 2019 5:48 PM
Joined: 12/9/2011
Posts: 10754

Must it be a manual?  I would prefer an automatic.

Does that make me shiftless?



Posted: Monday, June 17, 2019 10:47 PM
Joined: 6/17/2019
Posts: 3

I did get a chuckle from your comment.  I am new to this site and trying to figure it out!
Posted: Friday, June 28, 2019 3:27 PM
Joined: 6/28/2019
Posts: 2

I am the author of a paper available for free on line entitled "Understanding the Dementia Experience."
It is available at and can be found in multiple formats for various devices.

1.      This article has been available as a free pdf file since 2002. In that time it has been downloaded by thousands of people and linked on many caregiver web sites. In this version, the pamphlet, 'How to Interact with a Person with Dementia (with memory loss)', which has been popular since 2000, by the same author, has been included. Also included is the table of contents of the book expansion, available since 2002. I have been retired for a few years now, but keep hearing from people that they find this free paper and the book (for sale) quite helpful, so I keep letting people know where to find it. I hope you find it useful. 

1.      “Understanding the Dementia Experience” is now also available in Spanish. Comprensión del Padecimiento de Demencia”  can be found at





Jo C.
Posted: Saturday, June 29, 2019 7:46 AM
Joined: 12/9/2011
Posts: 10754

Jennifer!!  Hello, and a very warm welcome to you.  Thank you SO much for this truly wonderfully informative and helpful writing.  It has been a blessing to so many and has made a difference in both the caregiver's and their Loved Ones lives.

It may be interesting for you to know that the link to your writing is one of the most provided links on this Message Board.

In fact, I am smiling as I can share with you that I provided that link to your writing three times yesterday.

I am also purchasing several hard copies to provide to individuals who will find them quite useful.  One is a gifted care aide who wants to understand more about dementia behaviors and the others are individuals who are in the midst of their journeys as caregivers and are trying to understand why their LOs are displaying certain behaviors. 

This gift you have given to so many with your writing has been just that; a gift.  You may never know how much you have helped and the difference you have made in the lives of caregvers and those who have dementia, but you have been a mighty force for those who are in the midst of it all.

Thank you very much again; you can be sure that your writing will continue to be the most often referred to and the link most often provided.

It is very thoughtful of you to take the interest and time to provide us with this information, but how like you it is as you are a gifted carer and educator who reaches out and makes a difference.

With deepest regards and warmest thoughts being sent your way,


Jo C.
Posted: Sunday, July 7, 2019 6:23 PM
Joined: 12/9/2011
Posts: 10754

Posted: Tuesday, July 23, 2019 2:38 PM
Joined: 7/23/2019
Posts: 6

My son recommended a book a while back - "the 36-Hour Day" by Nancy Mace and Peter Rabins (Amazon.con for as low as $7). It's not a book to read but rather a reference to how to deal with the myriad of different situations that arise with ALZ. So far I've found it helpful.