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Adult children that take advantage of my memory loss and use to try to use me!
groundhog2
Posted: Sunday, November 18, 2012 10:33 AM
Joined: 11/14/2012
Posts: 22


Sad to say I have children I cannot trust one is ok but other 2 plus one of their partners just seem to love the fact that I have memory problems...My son last yr bought a n ipod for me and I was going to pay him every 2 weeks for it , well a few months went by and he told me and my husband it was an early birthday/Christmas gift so we didn't owe anymore on it ...well a month later he asked for payment and I told him what he had said and he said no I never said that!even when told he told my husband too he said no I did not say that!Think his g/f didn't like the idea she hates me and refuses to talk or be around me I asked my son why and he said well when she was pregnant 3 yrs ago I caused her miscarriage by walking over and purposely sitting down hard on her belly,she was bleeding had to go to er and then reg doc next day he said well you just don't remember it but I was right there and saw it.so I called the so I called the ER's and found out she was not ever there that night then called her OB and he said sitting on her would never cause a miscarriage.and I remembered as well as my husband that the day she went to the doc she was told there was no heartbeat and knew her doc did a D&C because she would not bleed.really afraid to be around them they could tell a lie that could cause me to go prison and all they have to say is it was during my memory loss! when I get know they have no money because they bills are higher than their and one reason is they have a 400 dollar a month car payment they do not make enough money to have that car! They all work part-time sometimes get full time hrrs. but honestly we are a bank and my son need an tooth pulled it was really bad and could affect the brain so I pd 300 dollars with the promise would get it all back payday well they told me on pay day they could only give me 50 I told them no it would have to be a 100.so they pd it but makes me mad when they cannot pay us back but just take a fun trip anytime they want.well I told them no more borrowing money so now they tell us they have no food...so we help them but I know now the bank and food pantry of mom and dad is now closed! they never really ask for money but guilt trip us into giving and then say well we didn't ask..well from now on I will say no you did not but you could have refused it!my meds in my pill box were missing and I know my son took them,he has took med from me in the past and went jail over it!but of course because I was confused and not taking them properly...they pay the memory card on me.well now my husband gives me my morning and noon meds so I only have to deal with night meds! they will tell me something and when I bring it up they say they never said it,so frustrated gonna start carrying small tape recorder when they come over or talk on the phone then they won;t be able to blame my confusion and memory loss!!my therapist suggested that. Just so sad they would do that to me! I have always been so good to them! I do love them but really don't like them right now.if they take anywhere I always give them gas money but my husband will for ex.tell me give them 10 and they will say well you told us 20...so I end up paying more! any advice on what to do would help greatly we are trying to move in the spring closer to my husbands work he drives 80 miles a day 1 way...maybe distance will help!No one could ever imagine how all this just breaks my heart so bad 

Thanks for reading,

GH


Iris L.
Posted: Sunday, November 18, 2012 11:22 AM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 16448


I hear you groundhog,   When you are vulnerable, sleazy people take advantage of you.  It's bad when the sleazy people are your own children.

Read the Caregiver and Spouse boards--this happens all the time.

One of our patient members had to go to court for a restraining order from his sister, who wanted his money.

I'm in the same situation.  I'm being taken advantage of by outsiders. This is why I am reluctant to tell the public that I have a memory problem.  I know people will take advantage and that I am vulnerable.  

The only way to deal with this is to cut my ties with these vultures.  They will not stop.

Iris L.



struggling
Posted: Sunday, November 18, 2012 1:08 PM
Joined: 9/29/2012
Posts: 50


Groundhog, your situtation sounds horrible!  Here are links to two sites which may provide you with some help/ advice.

1.   www.n4a.org  This is the National Association of area agencies on aging.

2.  www.ncea.aoa.gov  This is for elder abuse.  

Hotline number: 1-800-677-1116

Please check them out!


dayn2nite
Posted: Sunday, November 18, 2012 4:30 PM
Joined: 12/18/2011
Posts: 3097


Toxic people---cut them out of your lives, children or not.  Why isn't your husband telling them to stay away?
groundhog2
Posted: Sunday, November 18, 2012 8:48 PM
Joined: 11/14/2012
Posts: 22


dear struggling,

thanks for the info on the websites very helpful learned alot from them! thanks so much for the reply! you are awesome!


eaglemom
Posted: Sunday, November 18, 2012 9:54 PM
Joined: 3/7/2012
Posts: 2507


This post upsets me to no end.  Gurrrrrr, I totally agree with dayn2nite.

 

When we were getting all legal matters in line we had our Elder Care attorney draw up VERY detailed papers.  Sadly DH's family are not involved in our lives, but threaten to take him from me for "better" care! (don't even get me started)  The attorney has the papers written such that they have no legal say - what so ever - no matter what the circumstance.  Equally they have no claim on anything of ours, ever.  When I said I was ashamed to have her do this the attorney looked me in the eye and said:  your wrong if you don't do this.  You are protecting your husband, period.  This is the most loving thing you could do.

 

Did I say I love our ElderCare Attorney?  It matterns not the situation - they can't even be involved. I felt awful about the decision for about 17 seconds then said to myself - this is for him.

 

Run, do not walk, and get an attorney on board. eagle

 


groundhog2
Posted: Sunday, November 18, 2012 10:03 PM
Joined: 11/14/2012
Posts: 22


hey Iris ,

I will sure read spouse and caregiver boards...my situation is complicated had to kick my son and g/f out cuz of makin drug deals and my son feeling free to smoke weed when the one rule was no drugs.my husband works nights so last yr 2 days before New yrs Eve.....my son and I got into it about him not smokin weed while livin here anyways them and my daughter ganged up on me and were verbally abusing me bad.so i turned on the TV ignored them then went to bed...my husband wanted them out for  a long time they lived with us for 4 yrs. it really caused my husband and I. to  

argue alot .But he let them stay for me.well the next morning they wouldn't talk to me and i asked if they were gonna ignore me and my son went off and I ignored him but then he called me a bitch and I told them to get out  with no car no place to go and no money well they called their grampa on their dad;s side and he sent them money for hotel,money for an apartment. and a car so bailed out once again . my daughter said if they were out so was she so she left with them only problem...she is mentally ill and has the mind of a 10 yr old but she does manage to hold down a job.so yea they are takin advantage of her..so anyways didn't talk to them for 6 months after 2 month short visits....so now we will be setting boundaries and sticking to them! my therapist is working with me on this,if they don;t like the boundaries then they can just not have contact with us.... my husband is their step-dad btw

really know what you mean about not wanting to tell people you have memory problems.give people a real good reason to take advantage I don't have ay friend cuz I forget things slur my speech and stumble..scared people will think I am drunk or on drugs thanks for listening...

{hugs} GH


groundhog2
Posted: Sunday, November 18, 2012 10:23 PM
Joined: 11/14/2012
Posts: 22


dear dayn2nite,

my husband is their step dad

he mostly puts up with it cuz they are my kids but he did lay down the law to me that they borrow no more money!and I decided if they do ask they can ask him not me..he will tell them like it is! That way they can't rely on my memory issues or guilt us into things.so if they decide they don't want to have contact with us oh well...their call!their issue not ours.appreciate the reply

take care,

GH


groundhog2
Posted: Sunday, November 18, 2012 10:43 PM
Joined: 11/14/2012
Posts: 22


Dear Eagle,

thanks for the response.yes we plan to get an Elder Attorney and the kids will not be involved in anything or have any say so in my legal-financial affairs only my husband and my mom since they are the only people I trust.

I also have psych issues had 3 nervous breakdowns while they were living with us..was not real fun in mental hospitals.since they moved out less stress everyday..

are going to get legal-money issues made legal in a couple weeks.so I can have peace of mind knowing that my husband and my Mom will be handling things when I can't...thanks Eagle good to hear from you! awesome advice.

GH


dayn2nite
Posted: Sunday, November 18, 2012 10:46 PM
Joined: 12/18/2011
Posts: 3097


Groundhog2, yes, just send them to your husband for all their requests and let him say no.

 

The reason this is so upsetting is that all this stress you go through dealing with them isn't good for the disease.  I'm glad you're working with your therapist on boundaries.

 

I'm sure the therapist has already told you once you set boundaries you'll hear a whole lot of yelling and squawking, that's only because they aren't getting what they want anymore.


Iris L.
Posted: Monday, November 19, 2012 12:34 AM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 16448


While you are still able, you might attend a few sessions of Al-Anon Family Groups to learn how to relate to an addicted person.

Iris L.

groundhog2
Posted: Monday, November 19, 2012 1:57 AM
Joined: 11/14/2012
Posts: 22


dayn2nite,
you are right my therapist has been after me forever! she said I have to stick to them and make no exceptions.