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Recently discovered parent was diagnosed with dementia, two years ago.
Melster
Posted: Thursday, March 1, 2018 2:55 AM
Joined: 3/1/2018
Posts: 1


I'm so new to this world of dementia. My father is 65, and I found out from my mother recently that he was diagnosed with dementia in 2016.

All of his symptoms make sense tho, but has selfishly been hard to deal with. He has terrible control ood money. Forgets that he purchased expensive things online. My mother has taken his name off of a lot of accounts. But for some reason has allowed him to have his own bank account with a debit card.

He forgets to eat, forgets to take his meds at the right time, refuses to go to bed. Sleeps all day off and on, barely sleeps when he does. 

My mother and I are struggling to figure out how best to help him. My mother admits to refusing to get outside help to aide in taking care of him. 

Some days it seems he is still in the very early stages of dementia, other days he seems to be deteriorating quickly. It's hard to assess, and I just don't know where to start.


jfkoc
Posted: Thursday, March 1, 2018 11:01 AM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 17529


Hi melster and welcome to these forums.

The "starting " is hard...one does not know where to turn. 

You will want to know as much about the disease and how to help as possible. I suggest alz.com. There is a wealth of information of what you do...legal/financial as well as info on what to expect and your approach.

While we post back on forth on these forums you will want to post on the caretakers forum alsofor some specific help and please take a moment to fill out your profile if you have not already done that.

 

 


Mimi S.
Posted: Thursday, March 1, 2018 3:41 PM
Joined: 11/29/2011
Posts: 7035


Welcome to our world Melster,

Two things yo may want to do.

1. Call our help line 1-800-272-3900.  Talk with them and also ask for both the nuber for you and your dae's local chapter. 

2.  Call.

You/mom will need to control his money.  Is it a joint accont? Easy, remove most of it to an accoont that does not have his name on it.

ASAP consult a Certified Elder Law Attorney.

Look for support group for both you and your mom.  Is one available for dad?

Convince mom to get help!!!!

Good luck.

Ypu may find it helpful to heck out the Caregiver's Support Grup.


alz+
Posted: Saturday, March 3, 2018 10:18 AM
Joined: 9/12/2013
Posts: 3549


Hello and welcome to the oasis.

My dad had dementia and was sending money to every charity request, buying carpet  for his massage therapist, entering contests etc.

I did not know anything back then but gave him useless checks to fill out at a desk. He had run a lumber company his whole life and loved being at his desk.

Lower limit on credit card. Offer "to mail" any purchase for him.

Boredom is the source of a lot of trouble. If he has fishing gear, or other collections someone might figure out a way for him  to sort things he loves, tools etc. We typically need to be set up to do a project, given a paint brush, can of paint opened and a stool in front of shed to be painted, maybe tending a bird feeder (my bird feeder is now the entire front deck! ).

There is a rowing machine that has video of different rivers, lakes etc to watch as you row. That sort of thing is inspiration to figure out what he might do besides online shopping.

I also did major online shopping before diagnosis, and long after! Usually for stuff we actually used or needed but a lot of nonsense.

Here is a tip: never argue with him. This is not about being right, and eventually it turns out this is helpful to do with everyone you know.

i.e. "Look there are monkeys outside!"

"Yes, and we will invite them in and have cake," big smile. 

NOT, "No there are not monkeys outside!"

****

have you ever had to entertain kids on a road trip? use your imagination and find him things he is able to do and enjoys. 

come back and tell us what you invent!


Sybilmcbride
Posted: Thursday, October 4, 2018 5:51 AM
Joined: 10/4/2018
Posts: 2


Dementia is one of the most common issue or we can say a disease among elders of age between 60 to 70 years. An individual must take care of their aging parents if they are suffering from memory loss. I remember my father also had this disease and thus, due to this problem he wanted to make a will and distribution of his estate amongst us. So on one day he contacted to the estate planning lawyers ( http://www.scottcounsel.com/) who will guide them properly regarding the estate.


Mimi S.
Posted: Thursday, October 4, 2018 10:41 AM
Joined: 11/29/2011
Posts: 7035


Welcome to our world Melster. I'm so glad you found us.

Please ask your mom to tell you how he was diagnosed.  It is so sad when family withholds such vital information. Is dad being seen by a neurologist who specializes in dementia?

Sorry, but if the diagnosis is correct, what you wrote says he is more likely in id-sage.  Please go on-line and read everything you can  about the disease. My favorite first read is Understnding the Dementia Experience.  Look for a support group in your area.

 

it's time to amke an appointment with a Certified Elder law Attorney to get your parents affairs in order. Sometimes having both go will make it more acceptable to dad.

 

don't argue with him over the diagnosis. He might admit to having a slight memory problem.

 

Immediately limit the amount of money he has access to. Leave a small amount in the current account and move the rest to an account that he does not have access to.
if he is still driving, take a ride with him.  Do you feel comfortable?  Does he take extra long getting places? Dents on car?  If necessary, call his DMV and report him.

 

Is there Adult Day Care available?  Your mom needs respite.  Are there financial assets for placement in an Assisted Living Facility with on-site memory Care Unit? Experienced caregivers say the sooner the better.