RSS Feed Print
My dad passed December 10
Posted: Friday, December 21, 2018 10:22 AM
Joined: 10/23/2013
Posts: 45

My dad was diagnosed with Alz in 2010, but the signs started in 2008 or 9. Much of the last year was increasingly difficult for my dad, as he battled with anger and agitation issues, especially during caregiving. This resulted in him being prescribed one after another antipsychotic medication that wreaked havoc on his fragile mind and increasingly fragile body. These medications sedated him, significantly reducing the quality of his remaining days. I battled and battled the communities where he lived, trying to get them to lower the dose, sometimes successfully, but it didn't seem to matter. Any dose sedated him and glazed over his droopy eyes. It was so sad to watch. 

He fell and fractured his sacrum in July and never walked again. In his last two months, he could barely keep his eyes open after receiving his medication, was often unable to say anything coherently, and began to choke on his food - seemingly because he was being fed while asleep!

Two weeks prior to his death, he was admitted to the hospital with very low blood pressure due to a new GI bleed, exacerbated by a critically high INR. The good part was that he was not given any sedating medications, so we would finally be able to see his new, true baseline mental function. It was not good. He still slept most of the time. He was admitted to hospice approved by the MC where he lived, but the MC management refused to let him have comfort food in his final days, weeks, or months (it was unclear how long he would live),  and they kicked him out a few hours after he was discharged from the hospital. A big scene ensued between me, MC management, EMTs. MC demanded he leave immediately despite no medical emergency. They simply said his condition had deteriorated and they could not care for him (despite being in their hospice care!) So, despite no medical emergency as he slept peacefully in his MC room, EMTs transported him to the hospital. The next day, I admitted him to a different hospice and he was given comfort food while he remained in the hospital. 

He would improve one day and decline the next and words became limited to Yes or No when simple questions were asked. In his final days, as he slept in a pre-death slumber, I gave him permission to go home and told him that I would take care of the family. I know that he waited for my sister who lives out of state to arrive. He passed a few hours later in the middle of the night, peacefully sleeping. 

We are saddened by his departure, but forever proud and grateful that he was our father. We will always cherish the memories that we have and the lessons that he taught. He is in a better place now, no longer suffering from the confusion and anxiety that came with his disease. It is a horrible disease, reducing brilliant minds to fragmented thoughts. 

Peace be to all of those in a similar situation and comforting thoughts to those with loved ones still battling. 

dutiful deb
Posted: Friday, December 21, 2018 2:56 PM
Joined: 1/1/2012
Posts: 1876


Your dad was truly blessed to have you on his side. I'm so sorry you went through such a difficult time, but glad to read you advocated for him all the way. This is such a hard time, and you have my prayers for peace and comfort. 


Posted: Friday, December 21, 2018 4:00 PM
Joined: 11/9/2017
Posts: 306

That is heartbreaking. I'm so sorry for your loss. 
I'm so glad you were there with him. 

That MC infuriates me. It and all like it need to be shuttered. 

Posted: Friday, December 21, 2018 7:32 PM
Joined: 11/13/2014
Posts: 2296

I'm so sorry for the loss of your dad. It's all heartbreaking.
Posted: Friday, December 21, 2018 7:38 PM
Joined: 1/8/2016
Posts: 365

My heart goes out to you & I pray you find peace as well. Even though we know they are finally freed from this disease and are rest.......we aren't ready to live without them.

We are forever changed. Your emotions will be all over the place so take it easy on yourself. Day by day taking one step in front of the other as you figure out your new normal. There is no timeline where grief is concerned.

It does help to talk to those of us who have walked in your shoes.

I know it's helped me


Posted: Friday, December 21, 2018 11:31 PM
Joined: 5/2/2014
Posts: 761

I am truly sorry for the loss of your dad and all that he and your family had to endure. Glad you were there with him when he transitioned to his eternal life. Praying you can find some peace and comfort during this difficult time.