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Dealing with loss
Posted: Sunday, October 28, 2018 8:16 AM
Joined: 5/20/2014
Posts: 4406

A very close friend of many years died suddenly on 10/16. This woman was like a sister to me. She's the last of a handful of close women friends that have all passed on. I don't think I have any one left to call if I need a listening ear or I need to vent? It feels selfish to feel this way but then again there is a selfish component to grief. 

Immediately, after hearing the sad news I noticed a significant cognitive decline. Getting lost. Driving and forgetting what road I'm on or where I'm going. Forgetting things. Not being able to figure things out. Confusion. Difficulties with speech etc.

My friend was heavily involved in animal rescue through social media. Specifically, rescuing dogs and cats who were time stamped in kill shelters. She knew like minded people from all over and had become very close to them. I was particularly struck by the outpouring of condolences and sympathy expressed for my very special friend on social media by all her cyber friends. So was her family. A poem that had something to do with the Rainbow Bridge poem and persons who rescued animals passing was read at her funeral by one her family members. 

All this brought me to thinking about the importance of our board here and how it has changed over the past year. How much I miss those days. How much I miss all of you! What it's like coming here and not finding any of you here. Realizing, all the while that my not participating as I used to was a choice. 

I check in in every week but I don't know what to say sometimes and feel like I don't have words and the ability to express myself like I used to other than to say a few words or give a hug. Just know that I still love each and every one of you!

Posted: Sunday, October 28, 2018 10:33 PM
Joined: 2/16/2017
Posts: 538

(((((llee))))))   I come on often but mostly just to read. I do think of you often and have missed your postings. Hugs Zetta
Posted: Sunday, October 28, 2018 10:36 PM
Joined: 2/16/2017
Posts: 538

I am so sorry for the loss of your friend but I think you have many friends right here that care about you. Take Care of Yourself. Hugs Zetta
Michael Ellenbogen
Posted: Monday, October 29, 2018 6:20 AM
Joined: 11/30/2011
Posts: 2731

I am sorry for your loss. I think its normal to have more memory issues under the stress this has created for you. 

Posted: Monday, October 29, 2018 1:31 PM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 17707

Someone is there and then they are not. That is what my husband said about death. It baffled him. It is baffling, yes? 

I never thought about it but grief is certainly selfish. Our loss is personal and can bring us to our knees.

I am sorry your dear friend has died....sorry  you are suffering this loss. 

We care about you.

Jo C.
Posted: Tuesday, October 30, 2018 2:29 PM
Joined: 12/9/2011
Posts: 10322

Oh gosh llee, I just saw this and I am truly so very sorry.   How dreadful this must feel and what an empty space has been made.

There are not adequate words to explain and say how sorry one is; but those of us who have suffered losses do understand.

With my warmest thoughts and a soft hug being sent to you along with hopes for solace and comfort to find you soon.

It will take awhile to find even ground again; expect that you will not be in top form for bit while this is being processed and worked through; but do try to get a good amount of sleep if you can, that does help.

Let us know how you are, we surely do care.


Iris L.
Posted: Tuesday, October 30, 2018 4:01 PM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 16241

Please accept my condolences in the loss of your dear friend, Ilee.  I know what you mean about losing a close friend and feeling that your world has turned upside-down.  Why do we feel uncomfortable with feelings that involve us?  Is it wrong to feel "selfish" when something happens to our own self?  No one else is going to feel as much about our feelings as we do.  I'm sorry that I am not on the board as much as I used to be.  But I am not here for technical reasons, not because I don't want to be.  I don't have online access at home, and must wait until I get to the library or my computer class to get online.  I keep looking for your posts, Ilee.  

    {{{{{{{{ Ilee }}}}}}}}

Iris L.

Posted: Tuesday, October 30, 2018 9:24 PM
Joined: 8/22/2016
Posts: 263

In the end Love is all we have. It is not selfish to feel grief because the grief is born out of love. Your friend was loved and in her absence is still loved. You loved her. She must have been a beautiful soul. So sorry for your loss.
Posted: Wednesday, October 31, 2018 7:16 AM
Joined: 5/20/2014
Posts: 4406

Gd to see you all here! Thank you, everyone. 
Posted: Tuesday, November 6, 2018 2:46 PM
Joined: 9/12/2013
Posts: 3550

Your friend, after having lost others, being "the last" of the group is really painful and significant. I am so sorry she is gone.

You can't make new Old Friends - when my last close woman friend died 3 years ago my life changed. We walked with our dogs over this hill for many summers, we shared everything, we laughed a lot. 

It signified an external mark on where I was on the map to oblivion, I think that is part of the emotional punch I felt.

Really glad we are ALZ board friends.  You are respected and cherished here by many. an important friend to me, hugs to you.

and what Canada said