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when Time is meaningless or misunderstood or not useful
alz+
Posted: Tuesday, November 6, 2018 2:32 PM
Joined: 9/12/2013
Posts: 3549


wondering if others have had their connection to Time altered by cognitive changes.

Some thing more than not knowing the day of week it is, a kind of floating sense to me.

Recent changes around Time frightened me. Panic is dangerous, avoid it by taking an interest in the new experience. Morning, Evening, night, day now, yesterday, tomorrow ... it has no value now. I think this is what my Dad was experiencing when he would sit on patio with one hand on whatever dog I brought just looking out across a pond. He seemed to be drifting and I would describe this experience as drifting. It is a state of being undisturbed by need or want. No one is expecting anything of me but the dog.

****

other thoughts:

The hospice nurse came today, her discomfort with the dog greeting her bothers me. Today she asked a lot of questions and I was recovering from having gone to vote and had a ballot that had an issue (not just me) and then into small grocery.

she asked how I was doing, which was difficult to say, my hands hurt but that didn't matter. what is she asking for? Can I cook? did I get groceries? have I paid anyone yet?

I made a great effort to explain to her about lost abilities being like glacier chunks falling off, they don't come back. her responses were that I was in "such good health". I think I might be, at same time the taste of being unable to help myself in certain emergency situations is changing from being scary to what else would I expect?

Can not evaluate worth of having her come. Winter. Experiencing winter. Hands hurt too much to write in journal, aversion to computer so have not written about this voyage like I thought I would if left alone.

******

Lawyer just called. Divorce will be final - in February. thought it was 60 days. February or November, 60 days or 200. No difference now.



alz+
Posted: Sunday, November 18, 2018 10:20 AM
Joined: 9/12/2013
Posts: 3549


it seems I have daylight and not daylight instead of hours and minutes.

passing "the Time" is a challenge so I recorded very long favorite movies

Gandhi

The Thin Red Line

 Doctor Zhivago

Lawrence of Arabia

I may have mentioned I am watching movies as if seeing them for first time, have missed alot of plot before.

I wish I could still report the experience but the ability to keep a thought going has slid down the hole.

Phones are more of a nightmare now than ever. Just hate talking on phones, can not keep up. reminds me of the funny novel about the woman in Scotland who had dementia and she was given the phone and could answer the caller with phrases like, Oh how sad, Must be tough, Things change etc and finally, exasperated handed phone to her husband and said to him, "Here. YOU do it!"

exactly!