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19 Months Later ...
Pam14
Posted: Thursday, December 20, 2018 8:07 AM
Joined: 5/30/2014
Posts: 554


Yesterday I was busily working at my job and thinking what all I needed to complete for Christmas yet, when my phone "dinged" that I had a text.  I took a look at it - and my heart about missed a beat.  It was from Deb's hospice nurse.  She sent me a picture of her refrigerator where she had many pictures  and Deb's picture was right in the middle.  She said she thinks of Deb and me often and mentioned what a sweet soul  Deb had.   I then realized yesterday was exactly 19 months from the day Deb left this world.  I was in tears and pretty much stopped in my tracks.  Christmas is so very hard.  This was Deb's favorite time of the year and her favorite song of all time was Silent Night.  We were sitting in church last Sunday watching the Christmas pageant being put on and they played Silent Night.  I could not stop the tears from flowing down my face.  Tonight I'm taking "Santa Bob" (my husband) to be Santa for the RCF where Deb had lived.  Another hard hurdle to get through.  Then the hospice grief  counselor is going to meet me there because she has a replica for me of the memorial brick they have in their garden with Deb's name on it.  This holiday season almost seems worse than the last one.

Funny how God's timing works out.  I cared for Deb most of my life - but really a lot the last 14 years she spent in this world.  The last 4-1/2 years when she was in the SCF and they didn't know how to care for her were the hardest - where I was there every day.  Then this year my husband found out he's got a congenital defect in his aortic heart valve, so we now watch it and wait until it's time to get it replaced.   My Rheumatoid Arthritis has attacked my tendons, as well as my joints.  I had my shoulder replaced this year, got a stomach ulcer, found out I have esophageal damage so can no longer take anti-inflammatories to help control my RA, found out my feet are severely damaged from the RA, as well as my right ankle is so bad it's almost at the point of needing fusing.  Then I was hospitalized twice - once in June and once at the end of October/first of November for what turned out to be a severe allergic reaction to an antibiotic for a UTI, but the second time it was so bad, if I hadn't gone to the ER, God may have taken me.  I'm not sure how much longer I can work with all the RA damage I have.  Walking is getting increasingly difficult.  That all being said, I thank God this all held off until Deb left this world.  Don't know how I would have handled overseeing her care every day with all this going on.  

God bless you all as you get through this holiday season without your loved ones.  My heart aches to see my sweet sister again.


Skittles412
Posted: Thursday, December 20, 2018 9:24 AM
Joined: 5/14/2018
Posts: 222


Oh Pam I'm so sorry you're going through all of that. It's bad enough you have to grieve over your sister but having all those ailments on top of that just makes it much worse. I will keep you in my prayers that you and your husband find some relief and get the help you need. Bless you and Merry Christmas to you and yours.

xoxoxoxoxo -Kat


AmyJo5
Posted: Thursday, December 20, 2018 7:37 PM
Joined: 7/28/2017
Posts: 176


God Bless YOU, Pam, and everyone drawn here by grief. Wishing everyone peace and some ease of grief.
Tink4495
Posted: Friday, December 21, 2018 11:33 PM
Joined: 5/2/2014
Posts: 755


Wow Pam, it doesn't seem like 19 months have passed since the loss of sweet Deb. You know she is up above smiling down on you and will be forever in your heart. I am sorry to hear that you and your husband are having such major medical issues. I will keep you both in my prayers. I hope you will have a peaceful Christmas.
TessC
Posted: Thursday, January 3, 2019 9:08 AM
Joined: 4/1/2014
Posts: 4879


Has it really been 19 months already?! I know you miss her terribly-I miss her, too.

I'm sorry to hear that you have had so many health issues these past 19 months, Pam. I think it's common for not only the soul requiring healing, but also the body after such a long time caring and worrying about a LO. I know you are doing all you can to heal and I will add my prayers that you fine relief soon and that your dear husbandd-who's been there all this time for you and Deb-will stay healthy as well.


MPSunshine
Posted: Saturday, January 5, 2019 12:06 PM
Joined: 5/21/2016
Posts: 1952


Oh, Pam, I am so sorry. The loss of a sister as dear as your Deb. It pulls all semblance of rational thought out of whack and renders one speechless!!! And, your health problems just make it all so much more difficult to bear. I wish your life could be easier, and yet I know that is not going to happen for all of us. And I just wish for you that you know that others are thinking of you and trying to lend you what strength we have to give.