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survived H1N1 swine flu
alz+
Posted: Wednesday, February 20, 2019 6:43 AM
Joined: 9/12/2013
Posts: 3549


Looking back, a fatgiue that felt different, followed by 4 days of almost total loss of urine control may have been beginning of flu virus attack.

Keeper had brought groceries and was very pale not feeling well. He slept awhile then had to cancel work and I told him to just sleep where he was, in morning he made it home but canceled work.

Then it hit me in middle of night. I thought it was food poisoning, migraine, then the pain and vomiting increased until I ended up on bathroom floor in a mess of disgusting proportions. I was reeling, had my cell phone clenched in my hand. who to call? ambulance? neighbor? I texted Keeper HELP and laid on floor in mess of bodily fluids coughing up sheets of white foam.

He came quickly, got me cleaned up and in bed, cleaned the bathroom, got dog taken care of and stayed 2 days and night bringing me pedialite, vitamin c cocktail and massaging my legs which were stiff and toes bent down. It was horrible 48 hours pain and nausea and helplessness.

He had to go back to work so I am here alone again. The worst is over. I did not want to go to ER, am lucky he got my text and could come.

living alone with this flu? it was 2 days before I could walk at all. I think I was under attack for days before I finally came down with it. Now I can walk to end of driveway with dog and back then need to sleep.

I had BAD reaction a flu vaccine and was told to never get another one. I had nothing to help me except to smoke cannabis which let me sleep and stopped nausea.

this week I am supposed to be in court for the divorce friday. everything is strange.

I lost 5 pounds, have been unable to do anything but microwave soup I had in freezer.

awful. Just saying this flu could have easily killed me. 

be careful.



Smilesyourway
Posted: Wednesday, February 20, 2019 2:11 PM
Joined: 1/11/2019
Posts: 70


Holy Heck that sounds like the near death H1N1.  Especially several days of it.  So glad to hear that you are gaining strength.  I could surely afford to lose 5 lbs, but no thanks, not that way.  Well wishes, we miss you out hear. 

Cheers,

Smiles


Iris L.
Posted: Wednesday, February 20, 2019 4:29 PM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 16200


Yes,  influenza can be deadly!  So glad you are recovering, Alz+.  It will take about two weeks.  Stay rested and stay hydrated!  Feel better soon!

Iris


jfkoc
Posted: Wednesday, February 20, 2019 5:39 PM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 17569


Horrible. Glad you could reach Keeper. Drink and rest then repeat.
alz+
Posted: Wednesday, February 20, 2019 6:54 PM
Joined: 9/12/2013
Posts: 3549


flu got worse, now have shingles.

taking the anti viral for shingles makes my kidneys shut down. 

there is another snow storm and I am too weak to shovel out front door for dog.

if not better in morning will call doctor to put me in temporary care facility.

can not be in charge of life anymore, should not have been for 2 years or more.

having emotional breakdown, exhaustion is extreme. 

roads shut down from snow storm. texting for help doesn't help anymore, words are not going to get dog fed and walked. 

so in morning if not a lot better, 1 day before court needs me to be there to get divorce done, might not be able to make it. too much!

total silence, maybe power will go out too. the meds for shingles are very hard on me.

just can't get that excited about stuff anymore. too hard. have to give in to make it thru night.

will let you know somehow what happens. 

 


Iris L.
Posted: Wednesday, February 20, 2019 11:40 PM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 16200


If your kidneys shut down with shingles anti-viral medication, then you shouldn't take it without direct supervision from prescribing doctor. 

You must get some help!  You might call someone tonight, to let them know to check on you in the morning, and to come get you and the dog.  I hope you have food and heat.

 

Iris


alz+
Posted: Thursday, February 21, 2019 9:54 AM
Joined: 9/12/2013
Posts: 3549


Iris my friend

have battled shingles and antivirals for years.

i am at a point - not sure I want to pursue further days.

choking when "well" and choking every 4 minutes with coughing up stuff.

symptoms don't matter anymore. I just can't FORCE myself thru another day, not able to teach people what to do for me, explain everything - no one gets it anyway. they think it's cute how I endure and keep going - for me I am struggling to stay alive.

alive for what? I am having sense this may be a time to just surrender, the only peace I can imagine now is the peace of giving up and fighting for more miserable time.

i love everyone, have done so much to help husband and kids adjust and accept and get comfortable etc etc but can't do that for myself any longer.

tomorrow is divorce hearing. I want to attend = will see if I am able to. might not make it through tonight. doing all I can to avoid hospital torture.

the effort involved in keeping me and dog fed is drowning me. managing medications that change, the toxic effects, the months to recover...

I don't care if this is end of life. so worn out trying to pack up blah blah blah and then Im expected to know how to get me out htere, how to fix that house and this house, and how am i to take care of myself and dog out there? not worth it.

found bag of diapers so less floor washing. wow. how smart. 5 days late.

alz left my body weakened and susceptible  to be taken out, nature calling. done explaining and suggesting and being brave. Reaching my limit is first big break through in years.

Keeper is here, if possible we will go to court together tomorrow. things changing minute by minute. everyone has so much time waste. I just want it over.

pain, weakness, coughing, choking, icy roads, shoveling, getting food, bathing - oh please no more. I am so done.

big sleep chance now, in my upstairs bedroom curtains closed, a place to cry and sleep.

I am finally there - let this be over with soon.




Lane Simonian
Posted: Thursday, February 21, 2019 10:33 AM
Joined: 12/12/2011
Posts: 4606


I think of my uncle who when faced with declining health and a big move "decided" to die instead (pneumonia and sepsis).  For better or worse, most of us are in the habit of encouraging others to live.  And being no different, I encourage that as well.  But I am not here to make that kind of judgment.

You don't have to follow it, but I think Iris gave excellent advice regarding the anti-viral medication.

Thank you for being such a good friend to many of us here, including myself.  You are wise in so many different ways.


Smilesyourway
Posted: Thursday, February 21, 2019 1:10 PM
Joined: 1/11/2019
Posts: 70


I just sit here staring at the words on my lap-top from the posts above.  Feeling the  upsetting sense in my tummy and yet a sense of peace all at the same time.  Peace wish for a fellow dementia person.  A very wise dementia club member at that.  I have not walked in those slippers yet, but have no doubt I will.  I'm early stage and fairly new out here, but the words of Alz+ have so enlightened me over the past few months.  As a cheerleader of Alz+ and others posting out here I want to say...  Fight, fight.....the flu will pass and you'll be back to your self in no time, but I cannot selfishlly impose my will. 

Today is a very sad day to hear your words of pain and suffering, yet we embrace them as yours.  We are listening, we hear you. 

Peace and well wishes,

Smiles


Iris L.
Posted: Thursday, February 21, 2019 4:09 PM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 16200


Alz+, I'm glad Keeper is there with you.  In your current state, being sick, you need to just kick back and allow yourself to heal.  You cannot fight the flu and you cannot fight shingles.  As far as packing and dealing with the house, I thought your daughter was going to handle all of that.  You cannot.  Dear Friend, please don't keep stressing yourself!  Rest.  Heal.

 

Iris


jfkoc
Posted: Thursday, February 21, 2019 5:11 PM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 17569


Hope today was easier for you
Jo C.
Posted: Friday, February 22, 2019 1:55 PM
Joined: 12/9/2011
Posts: 10231


Dear alz+; I am so very sorry that you have been so ill and also deeply sorry for how overwhelming and exhausting things feel for you right now.   I am truly glad to hear that despite the divorce, your friendship with Mr. Keeper continues and he has been very supportive with his assistance.  I am glad he was there for you.

I have been thinking of you today as I remember this is the day scheduled for the court appearance for your uncontested divorce from Mr. Keeper; another very difficult dynamic to process and all of that just a few weeks before your pending move to SoCal from the U.P. of Michigan, as being arranged by your daughter and son.  I understand that it is really a difficult time.

All of this would rate at the top of any stress scale; that would be so for anyone facing such major changes in their life. 

I remember your writing how happy you were in SoCal on your extended visit; it was calming and you were very relaxed.   You can find that again with your move.  Soon alz+; soon.

Your daughter and son are arranging the move and from what you have written, they will arrange for everything . . . . they will also be able to make arrangements for getting your house in the U.P. ready and up for sale.    You will not carry the burden of that and the kids want to do this and they are supportive and competent.   Set it down, step away and rest as best can.  

I can understand the feelings of  despair and exhaustion that you have written about, and of where you are; once again . . . . have you called your daughter and spoken to her about all of this?   Sharing this with her and getting her input may well be very helpful in putting some of the worst feelings away from you and bring you some relief from the worst of the feelings.   I remember you do not like the telephone, but in this instance; perhaps an exception?

Despite what you have written, and I do get your not wanting to deal with all of this as it is; you will pass through this and come out the other side.  I have confidence in that and in you.

Also, you know me from all these years; the RN in me tends to come out, so here I go:

The level of physical symptoms you describe with your sudden illness is concerning.  It may be the flu as you think; BUT it also may NOT be influenza.  If you have not improved, and if you are still having vomiting and diarrhea, if you are not able to eat or drink well, you are very much at risk AND you do need to see a physician asap.  I hear what you said about not wanting to seek medical help, but really; why let your body do this to you if there is a simple way to bring relief.

It could be any of a number of things and a simple blood draw for labs will tell the story as to what is going on in the body.  This can be done in an ER setting if you wish or in the doctor's office; whichever is easiest for you.  Dehydration can be dangerous, so please do seek medical service.   I am nagging a bit, aren't I; but this is something that in all probabilty can be easily managed and restore some equilibrium and steady you.

Something came to mind.  You have often shared that you self-medicate with various substances as well as having some prescribed meds; the self-medicating component  may or may not be contrbuting to some of the symptomology, especially if you have increased the various self-medicating substances secondary to the stress and anxiety you have been experiencing.

 As we get older; and we have gotten older, the meds we used to take in the amounts we used to take, especially self-medicating substances, very often no longer work the same way in our bodies and can cause distressing symptoms both physical as well as emotional.  You had mentioned increasing some of the substances, so you will want to be very cautious and have that ruled out as part of any problems you have been experiencing.  Age really is quite impactful on how our bodies respond to various substances.

You do know how much we all care and have cared over the many years we have "known" one another on this Message Board, so any input comes from such caring and wanting you to be safe and without such severe distresss.

Please do see a physician, and please do call your daughter; it may be that you can perhaps make that move sooner rather than later and she may be able to alleviate some of your concerns. 

The rain and cold here in SoCal is leaving us; by mid next week we will be in the mid-70's.   No more snowboots or shovels for you, alz+; the sunshine is waiting for you along with new found peace and safety of body and spirit.

It is going to work out, just a good idea to keep your daugher in the loop and give her a call.

We will be waiting to hear from you to keep up with how you are feeling, you are very important to all of us and we are with you in spirit.

 J.

  


jfkoc
Posted: Friday, February 22, 2019 5:42 PM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 17569


Checking to see how it went today....hopefully well.

I agree with Jo. You have an enormous amount on your plate right now. More than enough to feel totally overwhelmed. I know I would need help. Someone who knows what you need without your explaining.  Sadly, it is not easy to find that person which certainly would lead to being fearful etc.

Hope you post soon!

 


alz+
Posted: Saturday, February 23, 2019 1:26 PM
Joined: 9/12/2013
Posts: 3549


Been getting email and text support which I can respond to from my phone but then got message from alz.org to call advisor and thought Uh Oh.

It is flu, no doubt, outbreak all over this area.

shingles - no doubt.

antivirals - doctor let me manage the pills starting couple years ago, take 1/2 tab 3 - 4 times a day and I still can make urine that way. 

Forgot point -  

ok, the message from Authorities    the number is on my phone. I could not climb upstairs to get to this computer until now.  

I have huge traumatic issues with hospitals and poor treatment at them. I have been going anyway for years, and if I have any say, I would rather die at home in bed than be tortured on an icky mattress with needles in me.

I am scared alone though because managing pills and liquids is confusing me. 

got hot pack and tiger balm on chest and coughing has slowed down. we got divorced, could not stand up in court but 15 minutes, done. In shock.

My daughter is texting me and friends been coaching too. It is being in charge, of me and my dog. Being in charge is over as a good thing, no longer possible.

this is the wall of doom that hit me a week or so ago.  It was biological, it was a like a cold fog covered me.

fear being forced out of bed by strangers pounding on my door, forced into needles and hospital alone - very little actual nursing care in hospital. some one will show up, pound on door, take dog, force me to hospital and then be left there alone. 

is it against the law to die of flu at home? does everyone have to run up a tab at the hospital at end of life? asking for a friend  !

seriously - I worry about people on this board all the time too, but I learned to respect people making different decisions than what I think best.

no matter if i make it out west it is going to be harder and harder, and add pain to that and confusion and still be responsible ? is going to end up a mess before long. considering this, what I'm doing is not suicidal or that stupid. that i lived this long is a miracle. 

Keeper can not come right now.

 going to stay in bed, hope to sleep, drinking fluids, shingles have not spread so that is alot for my body to handle. a lot for my mind too.  very tired.

don't know what else to say except love you all a whole bunch. 

I'll report when things change for better or worse or someone will.

until then, have some fun for me.



jfkoc
Posted: Saturday, February 23, 2019 1:52 PM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 17569


I would rather die in my own bed too... with out needles and tubes.

Would it make any sense to move your bed downstairs? Can you just let the dog out and he will come back? If not can you put up a simple fence as a "potty" run for him? That is what I have. It is wire with about 3 inch squares held up by metal stakes. Or, you can get a tether for him. Not ideal but then he might have to make some adjustments too.

Please keep posting even if it is one line.


Smilesyourway
Posted: Sunday, February 24, 2019 12:32 AM
Joined: 1/11/2019
Posts: 70


Thinking of you! 

Smiles

 


Iris L.
Posted: Sunday, February 24, 2019 12:43 AM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 16200


The divorce is final, you can check that off your list.

Will your daughter be returning?

Feel better soon!

 

Iris


Jo C.
Posted: Monday, February 25, 2019 6:33 AM
Joined: 12/9/2011
Posts: 10231


Thinking of you today, alz+; we are all by you in spirit and hoping that each day brings improvement from the virus you have had.

Been a nasty winter "up there," that is for sure.  My friend in the U.P. puts the leash on her dog, opens the back door and lets him do his "duty" on  the deck while she keeps ahold of the leash and then back in again.  Guess the dog is happier to get back inside the kitchen than she is to close the door.   Br-r-r-r-r-r!!

Take good care and keep in touch; we all look for your Posts,

Soft hug being sent your way,

J.