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Alz+(5)
Iris L.
Posted: Sunday, July 14, 2019 2:33 AM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 16092


Alz+, you reminded us to remember to smile.  Are you able to smile?  I truly hope so!  

Iris


alz+
Posted: Tuesday, July 16, 2019 2:41 PM
Joined: 9/12/2013
Posts: 3506


When I read your words I smiled. Thank you for being here and being you.

I am still having to practice facial muscles into smile. Even if laughing my face feels frozen! 

recovering from fall and weakness. do exercises in bed and walking dog lifting foot, stretching a little. 

Lost some days. Nothing familiar in house. An official progressive depersonalization.  I have lost a lot but just because I can't usually do math doesn't mean I don't know when I'm being robbed.  An awareness remains (which I can type out over as much time as I need but it much more struggle than joy as in past) but I share no "reality" with anyone now. Bringing the dog turned out was smart. She lets me hold her, love her. We are connected.

 How does one know if things are being done  "for you" or "without your consent"? Is there a moment when it is best to quit trying to be taken as a Person? 

 I have never had bare walls before. Not as a child, not living in a van, not in any room or apartment or house.  Everything feels ultra temporary,  having things from my past would have helped. I can't make my room feel like I live here.  never found anyone to help me with curtains, just gave up    

Being demoted, relieved of my responsibilities is part of The Goal. I had another goal, I was going to relax and sleep and consider each day part of an extended vacation for the rest of my life. 

very strange to have no one who shares memories, a witness to each other's lives.  

 doing ok, taking break - still in midst of changes decisions etc etc  

My daughter and son have given a lot from their lives and time to give me a place to live out my days in peace. I have nice shelter,  adjusting is happening in its own way





Iris L.
Posted: Tuesday, July 16, 2019 4:30 PM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 16092


alz+ wrote:

 

 

 

 

 

very strange to have no one who shares memories, a witness to each other's lives.  

 

 

I have been living in California for about forty years. Just about all of the people I knew are either dead or no longer speaking to me.  With my friends and relatives from back home, I can talk about our shared memories from about fifty years ago, what we can remember.  I say this to say, I have gotten used to not having shared memories.  It's not so bad.  


I just read a nice article from this past Sunday's Parade magazine, in the Sunday newspaper.  Kimberly Williams-Paisley, an actress, cared for her mom with A.D.  She learned to let go of old expectations, and learned to approach her mom in the present.  She was then able to spend fulfilling, happy times with her mom. 


You will find a new balance for yourself and your family.  Focus on the present.  We can't hold on to the past.


Iris