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Alz+ And NoCal Fire Area
Jo C.
Posted: Monday, October 28, 2019 11:44 AM
Joined: 12/9/2011
Posts: 10227


Dear alz+, I am thinking of you as where you live is very near the Sonoma County fire areas and in fact, may be in the mandatory evacuation or warnng and watching areas.  Also, you may be in the area where PG&E have shut off all electricity . . . . .

If you see this, and if you can or when you can, please let us know how you are in light of all of this.

Thinking of you,

J.


alz+
Posted: Monday, October 28, 2019 10:06 PM
Joined: 9/12/2013
Posts: 3549


just got internet connection.

it was hellish, mandatory evacuation, habib refused to evacuate me. long story of horrors ending in me at a red cross shelter and one of his friends getting me from there and now in a shed behind his friend's house. Dog in fenced yard.

been dismissed from living at the house where I was living apparently. he stayed behind in ash and smoke and no power until Thursday if not another fire.

was in emergency room last night, yes they wanted to keep me - on psyche ward. Finally I was interviewed by psychiatrist over tv screen. he declared me non suicidal, they gave me nothing for smoke inhalation, and so I am officially homeless.

my house and stuff sold off and money into his house. I am too much of a problem for all the able people and have been told now for 2 days to "show my love for kids" and I should go into assisted living. then they can all relax.

 My daughter on her way here for a talk. they took me out of my house, sold my stuff, put me there and now have power to put me away. because I did not want to burn? or was I set up? 

the psychiatrist said, "Your son is seeking conservatorship of you, are you ok with that?"

I said I was not told. How would this doctor know that? it was true. My son's response was he might come up this weekend. Welcome to my shed (I am supposed to go soon)

 having a breakdown, have to hide it to not get lectured more. I  have an air mattress and lamp in shed.

more high winds tomorrow and fire raging. gee it's great to be here homeless.

I could explode inside from fear and anger but I let it out when no one is around and pretned this is fine and sure, way to hard to have me around, got it.


 


Iris L.
Posted: Tuesday, October 29, 2019 12:39 AM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 16199


Alz+, this is a terrible turn of events! I did not realize that YOU paid for the renovations.  I suppose it would be too much to ask if there is any paperwork or agreement as to a place to live in return for house renovations.  You are dealing with this ordeal with remarkble control.  (((((( Alz+ ))))))

 

I believe you are entitled to a court-appointed lawyer to contest guardianship.  Find out what your daughter has in mind.  YOU still have your wits about you.  Find out what's going on.  

 

Iris


Michael Ellenbogen
Posted: Tuesday, October 29, 2019 1:13 AM
Joined: 11/30/2011
Posts: 2680


I was so waiting to hear your reply. Oh my god I can not believe this has happened to you. I don’t even know what to say to make it better in any way. I am so shocked. I will pray for you and ask others to do the same. You deserve so much better. 


Jo C.
Posted: Tuesday, October 29, 2019 6:35 AM
Joined: 12/9/2011
Posts: 10227


Words do not suffice; I am so sorry.   Of course prayers will be said on your behalf. 

J.


Michael Ellenbogen
Posted: Tuesday, October 29, 2019 7:23 AM
Joined: 11/30/2011
Posts: 2680


Jo C. can you please reach out to me privately. 


alz+
Posted: Tuesday, October 29, 2019 7:59 AM
Joined: 9/12/2013
Posts: 3549


I have a heater now in shed and my dog actually got on bed and slept with me! 

I am breaking down. my daughter arrived late, she is going to drive me over to house to get some supplies to get through a week or more in the shed. It has a window and I put a lamp in here and he had a portable heater I have going cause 35 degrees at night now. but friend is signalling he would like me and my dog moved on asap. apartments around here rare and expensive, so many people still without houseing from last fire 2 years ago. now more.

have waves of shakes going through me and i am in shock - that is what seems in control maybe numb and shock. friend in similar straights lives alone and when her dog died she collapsed. he was her ears, she didn't even realize that. she said go get a 1 bedroom house anywhere I want with fence and dog door. but the thing is getting food, have lost 20 pounds since i got here. so assisted living where? 

I did not know they sold my house for certain, still unclear. i would take that and ?? can't do anthing. too early to start telling myself i will love it once i try it.

to keep my dog i need a place with dog door or I will be overwhelmed. everone sizing me up - the friend who took me to ER was telling the doctor stuff NOT TRUE about me! when they ask a question they looked at HIM. I put my face between him and her once and she left room. I think that's when they called psychiatrist.

anyway, I am alive, can not move my "stuff" again so have given up everything.

Habib is not right in the head - yes my lawyer told me do NOT go out there unless they put your name on house title or ou could end up homeless if oyur ex has a change of mind. they said you are fmaily, it is a family house. yes i had to pay to make the dump livable and he HATES it.

so im supposed to find an assisted living place somehwere in california. why? so everyone knows im safe, so they can relax. what if I could live somehwere i like for 3 months, with my dog. how to get food is the problem as psychiatrist said.

maybe i will get lawyer for advice. i will try, no car, none is easy. 

Seems they are all keeping tons of information from me "so I don;t worry". my host here is sick of me now, every motel is packed, my daughter is here but she never says much, she listens and agrees and says "I understand, we'll take care of it." can i go any where I want? 3 months to get an ID here. I don't want to live here. 

it is a death sentence in my mind - to take away my home, dog, stuff and put me some place is bad. I have lost a lot of weight and rarely eat anymore.

my son might come this weekend - to where? the power may still be off no motel ahve vacancies. can't drive. lots like me at the shelter, old women alone. fires stillraging, food will have gone bad and Habib is not going to be "put some place". even if i could stay there - who can handle the threat of being put out forever?

consider I am in shock and flsh back cityy and have no one who will shelter me till i'm dead. to me that equals permission to go anwhere I want, if i could get get there.

wish i could convey psychiatric interview - heasked questions to see if i understood the gravityyy of some things. he was veryy good at evaluating so person understands from their own words their situation.

can i go to bryce canyon and live at the lodge? what if i stay a month at each nationl park in nice hotel with my dog? room service, spend it all?

when they take my dog I'll die. you should have seen all the people with dogs and cats at shelter! all getting alone beautifully. lots of old women alone.


Unforgiven
Posted: Tuesday, October 29, 2019 11:20 AM
Joined: 1/28/2013
Posts: 2616


How awful for you, Alz!

If Habib did put you out he would have to reimburse you for the money you spent on his house, and if your son became your conservator, it would be his fidiciary responsibility to see this happened.

Let me try to understand this latest incident as it happened.  There was a wildfire and a mandatory evacuation?  And Habib chose to stay put so you had to get to a shelter on your own?  Is the evacuation order still in place, especially with the high winds and power outages?  Has Habib truly put you out, or are you unable to return at this time because of the general evacuation?

I'd point out to your family that even the assisted living facilities in the area will have had to evacuate their residents under the circumstances, so there is never true peace of mind.  Much of your distress seems to stem from having to evacuate without your care-partner with you, so of course you are extra upset.  Non-PWD are probably not handling the situation well either.  The 'friend' should at least be patient enough to allow you to stay in his shed until the current weather crisis has passed.

This might be too personal a question, but have hou ever told Habib how much his threats to kick you out add to your insecurity and anxiety?  Does he understand how his own behavior affects your own?


Iris L.
Posted: Tuesday, October 29, 2019 9:03 PM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 16199


Alz+, I am at a loss for words.  You and Dog seem safe for the moment.  I am praying for you and your dog.  I will be travelling overseas in a few days.  I will be gone for two weeks, so you probably won't see me here.

Iris


alz+
Posted: Tuesday, October 29, 2019 9:03 PM
Joined: 9/12/2013
Posts: 3549


i can't thank you all enough for being here. I came here to say something and did not remember writing the posts. But doing it at the time makes me consider other views of what happens around me, I feel comfortable here questioning my reality.

Habib seems to "not be himself" after stroke and seizures. He seems to forget it happened, he does not remember his seizures. His friend said he is aggressive with everybody in sudden moments. so not capable on any level of being - protective? of me...things and situations scare me so I shake. Tonight the friend went on a date and my daughter went to a friend's house so I am in shed with dog alone. 

earlier my daughter drove me to his house to pick up my box of important papers (which I then forgot on porch) and extra clothes, m pilow and blanket. He was sitting with the door open to a sunny cool day with a fire in wood burner.  power is still off. I did not speak to him, he ignored me and we left because of a bank of new smoke clouds coming in. No power at anyhouses  over there until sunday or even monday, all guessing. my dog went to find her dog friend. they wagged and walked around yard, so happy.

he said little to my daughter and she does not convey information to me like that. 

sad I have no one who wants to stay with me through this sa a companion. my daughter said i'm too angry, but i am not angry but terrified. anyway, I can stay here another 2 days tops, then my daughter says I need to go back to the house and stay thre and we will all try to find me a place to live.

when i asnwered psychiatrist question - can you still get food? i felt i have been delusional, or wishful thinking that I could avoid being Put Somewhere.  darn it.

very uncomfrtable being alone here by myself. people don't seem to understand the fear and responsibilty is overwhelming.  neither son or daughter even want to be local support. i don;t see a choice about staying there when the shed adventure is over.

He told both kids he wants me to stay there while they find me a place to live.

habib's problems are probably going to get worse so both of us need help now and even if he did not have these dangerous episodes we both are going to need outside help daily.

my little heaven place was doomed. I'm wondering if i could live somewhere outside california - how much do my desires count now? I was told i am crushing my kids and need to feel their pain and fatigue. as i am more inward and alone mabe i don;t consider other peoples feelings enough. how do i know? 

how much is a couple months at a desert hotel with hot mineral swimming pools and restaurant? could I live in a motel room with my dog? i alos have feeling i will be thrown out of assisted living for various reasons. anyone want to go on 3 month cruise?

i am so confused.  here alone in a shed and not missing much. 

first time i missed 2 questions on menory test. a sentence to recall and what year is it. I was suprised I did not recall the number year but said the ear before the election. to repeat something he said earlier - had zero recall of him asking me that.

love you all


Jo C.
Posted: Tuesday, October 29, 2019 10:39 PM
Joined: 12/9/2011
Posts: 10227


Knowing the town in which alz+ lives, I checked on it for the current date.   It is not in the mandatory evacuation areas, but is presently in the "warning" area in that it possibly may have to evacuate depending on the fire and the path it may take.  News did say that the fire in that area was under a bit better circumstances, but it is of course dependent on the winds and fire fighter ability to control.  Hopefully, evacuation will not be necessary.

It is good that alz+'s daughter is up there so she is a buffer and coordinator should alz+ have to evacuate.  The power is still out in that area and probably will be for a couple more days due to the winds and fire risk.  According to news reports, the electric company PG&E, has not kept their infrastructure and equipment including lines in decent repair and has been the cause of several currrent fires; as they also were last year when their downed line caused that tragically huge fire back then.   The turning off of electricity is to keep the risk of downed lines causing more fire lower as the next two days will have increased winds. 

NOTE:  This is  a dreadful situation for anyone to be in; but to have Alzheimer's with difficulty processing, to have safe routine and structure disappear, etc., this can engender terrible feelings of upset, fear and heightened difficulty with those feelings and a sense of being unsafe.   This makes everything far more frightening than one would ordinarily feel.   Any of us would feel undone and tremendously anxious in such a situation; having Alzheimer's compounds that.

According to alz+ in a recent Post, her house in the U.P. of Michigan is being rented for the winter, so that is good as the house is being cared for because this winter is supposed to be extremely harsh and long, and it will also bring in some income too. 

Alz+, I am very aware that there is a lot going on in addition to the fire; I so hope for the very best outcome for you.  Prayers are being said by your Forum friends on your behalf; please keep us posted when you can.  If you cannot, perhaps someone could do that for you.

We send you our warmest thoughts; we are thinking of you and we truly do care.

J.


Michael Ellenbogen
Posted: Wednesday, October 30, 2019 7:07 AM
Joined: 11/30/2011
Posts: 2680


I hope you got my phone number which I sent to you privately and I sent some people your way in hope they can help you. They will mention my name to you. 


Jo C.
Posted: Wednesday, October 30, 2019 12:24 PM
Joined: 12/9/2011
Posts: 10227


It is 10:15 a.m. on the 30th.

 I just got valid information regarding the fire in NoCal where Alz+ is.

The town where Alz+ lives is NOT under evacuation.  They are on watch for warning.

GOOD NEWS:  Yesterday, the Sonoma Fire was only 5% contained - today, it is 30% contained as they have not had the severity of winds expected.

The source said that the fire was "not moving this way," towards Alz+ town.  I hope that continues to be so and that the fire will soon be vanquished.

The police department in the town is on full staffing and basics are running well on generator.  That too is good news.

Thinking of you, Alz+.   You mentioned having a lamp and a small heater where you are; is the electricity on in that area?   If so, that too is good news.

J.

  


alz+
Posted: Wednesday, October 30, 2019 10:42 PM
Joined: 9/12/2013
Posts: 3549


Got news that they are "repopulating" the town now and electric is back on but not gas lines. The smoke is down.

we were under mandatory evacuation, roads were blocked to keep people from re-entering. The fires are still going strong and winds tonight could change things again.

Jo C - thanks for keeping tabs!  kincaid fire in sonoma county

the town I fled is on russian river between bodega bay on the coast and sant rosa and we had mandatory evacuation and loss of power for 4 days?. The smoke was so bad face masks  nto useful so everyone had to go. is that what town you are thinking of ? there is possibility of fire spreading again causing another round of evac but neighbors started going back this afternoon. this thing called "nextdoor" is one way I got fire info and recommend, very useful dayy to day and emergency you can ask your neighbors how things are.

your description of panic and dread, totally gets what weird fear this caused, and layers ofit. I don't remember how you became knowledgable about this side of the condition but that was exatcly the thing happenng. appreciate you being here and help me accept I can't help it, I felt like a hostage, throat still raw.

the shed were i am bunking is about 35 miles south east now in town of sonoma. i attacked photo of my rescue shed. I think.

My daughter is bringing me back to the house i fled tomorrow - if fire lines hold and power is stillon. she andmy son a arranged something so i can stay there while we find a place for me. we are all ready to work together finally

***

today I met people here to fix some things and ended up having great conversations about being homeless, caregiving, stuff. One of the workmen lives in hisvan. we talked about camping and I was certain I could park an rv in national campgrounds for free as a disabled person. Was driving to Zion in my mind and told the friend that gave me safe haven my solution. He said, "You don't drive." 

 I had forgotten that. We all laughed. Another guy said to me, "This town if full of old rich guys, I know a bar where you could meet one, get a boyfriend, you know, he might drive.:    Oh, there's an idea. 

I also got coaching from L lee, wish I knew how to listen like you guys.

any way, my son wrote me a letter saying how their hearts break when I'm upset and would I agree to meet with _____ in 2 weeks, all ofus, and get our family together in giving me some fun years. He said every thing i longed to hear. we are now openly talking about the changes and end of life stuff. It is a big relief.

power is warned to be shut off for  2 days over weekned so we figure out escape plan tomorrow.  how it is.

my dog has become a whole new animal. she wants to help me, she does help me. 

 I wanted to say all your friendships makes the difference.  There are people who understand, who know things, who can deep listen. 

I also got back to my spiritual practices and my friend who has this property told me this poem

The Uses of Sorrow | Mary Oliver

(In my sleep I dreamed this poem)

Someone I loved once gave me
a box full of darkness.

It took me years to understand
that this, too, was a gift.


File Attachment(s):
shed in sonoma.jpg (113644 bytes)

Iris L.
Posted: Thursday, October 31, 2019 12:30 AM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 16199


Whew! It seems like your children will be coming through for you, Alz+.  I admit, I was very worried about you, up there in the shed and the fire.  The shed looks like a tiny home.  I watch a lot of tiny home videos on youtube.  There's less stuff to take care of and to deal with.  The weather seems to be cooling.  I hope the rains come soon to put out the fires.  Stay strong and hang in there, Alz+!


Iris


alz+
Posted: Thursday, October 31, 2019 12:00 PM
Joined: 9/12/2013
Posts: 3549


the shed was my friend's wife who died 8 years ago, one on my lifetime friends. she used it for art projects. after she died they painted inside white. I feel her presence.

daughter taking me back this afternoon. you told me when I was first diagnosed that stress reduces cognition 50%. I found that it came back later but if you DON'T know this and you get scared or feel threatened and your thinking goes to squat then believing that on top of what ever else makes it even worse. and I forgot that. the last 2 years have been one long crisis. 

I like my privacy but now get nervous alone. I cried this morning in house kitchen  cause scared to go back and my friend said he was told "when you can't be calm, quiet yourself. when others are upset, quiet yourself".

was awake most of night rethinking my ability to adjust to another new thing, how to place myself in a group imagining new perspectives that helps all of us. 

*Took 4Xs CBD oil a half hour ago and just found myself lying on the mattress not shaking trembling with sun coming through window writing to my friends here. I had not taken it for days packing up, found it. writing is enjoyable this moment for first time in awhile!

I have the agnosia ??? thing ? about how dependent I actually am outside a rural setting. at home there was no traffic at all 85% of year. i felt i belonged there, i put roots down there, had my heart broken there, found my strength there. but I could not get myself food. the psychiatrist saying that, I understand "when do you need to have help every day" now. when you can not get yourself food - which in nature is when you die off. and I got scared big time.

amended  the self talk to, "it is natural to be frightened. People are learning - like I am - how to make this easier. My happiness and peace at this time when our relationships are changing, we play different roles. the loss my children feel and the helplessness when I am scared about something drives them away, not that they don't care about me. We all accept our places and as a family we will work in peace, towards peace, with respect and love and humor. 

I am already learning to believe what they say and learning to trust in their protection as I go into a more inward state of contemplation.

****

I spent 2 hours editing this and trying to convey how much my friends here help me get other views and understand things. This is best morning in ages.

hope power stays on at other house. 

have been told I am welcome back here if fire comes that way again. I have my friend's art shed to sleep in  with my dog.

love and courage



alz+
Posted: Thursday, October 31, 2019 12:18 PM
Joined: 9/12/2013
Posts: 3549


Jo C -

yo u wrote:

NOTE:  This is  a dreadful situation for anyone to be in; but to have Alzheimer's with difficulty processing, to have safe routine and structure disappear, etc., this can engender terrible feelings of upset, fear and heightened difficulty with those feelings and a sense of being unsafe.   This makes everything far more frightening than one would ordinarily feel.   Any of us would feel undone and tremendously anxious in such a situation; having Alzheimer's compounds that.

I have never read words describing what it is like to be threatened when you have a dementia quite this accurate or well put or whatever.

This had a profound effect on me. I have forgotten how you came to understand the condition and where your advice comes from but being understood like that, non judgmental, it stirred my focus enough that even though I was up most of night - like intense search for possible ways I could get myself care and keep my dog. I keep saying "If I can't write that's end of value in my life." it hasn't ruined my life. if I get divorced, if i lose my house, if I have to to California, if I'm near wildfires, that hasn't ruined it. 

I just got it - validation of reality to me of what is not reality to others. The non judgment you have - very few people in medical or social world hold this perspective (of the few I have encountered). Like you have a leg torn off and people telling you could run if you wanted to, get up! or My neighbor;s mother had Alzheimer's and it was a nightmare stories.

Llee has affirmed for years YES when I ask am I still real? do I still count?

I might say that when Iris started to travel was when I began sizing up an escape. I just thought it would like a tiny house compound. they could be built all over. i guess we call it assisted living.

JoC - thank you for watching over me for years now. right words, right moment.

your person is/was lucky to have you. I'm going to get out of bed now. 1, 2, 3...


jfkoc
Posted: Thursday, October 31, 2019 2:48 PM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 17562


Too often we do not stop to hear what another human being is saying and when we do we too often dismiss their "reality". 

As I become more dependent on others I grow more fearful.


Iris L.
Posted: Thursday, October 31, 2019 7:00 PM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 16199


Alz+, I think I disagree with the psychologist about getting food.  Getting food should not be a problem, because there are many options.  

--Meals on Wheels

-- go to the market and get a rotisserie chicken or an 8-pack of chicken pieces; add canned or frozen vegetables to microwave.  This should last a few days if you have a refrigerator.

---purchase 7 frozen entrees for the week.  Add produce as desired.  Add cereal for breakfast.  Add a sandwich for lunch.  

---a family member can cook and prepare 7 meals, freeze them for the week.

 

Routine and consistency are vital for a PWD.  These constant changes are terrible for you.  Alz+, you are handling these disruptions remarkably well, considering.  Keep what you need with you at all times.  Other people can't be relied upon for your peace of mind.

 

I will be travelling starting tomorrow.  I will try to visit the board and keep up with you, Alz+. 

 

Iris


alz+
Posted: Friday, November 1, 2019 4:11 AM
Joined: 9/12/2013
Posts: 3549


iris have some fun, learn some stuff. 

thinking about what you said on how to get food home. I don't think I can order food.

 last winter food was impossible for me to get unless a neighbor stopped in randomly on her way to small grocery and took me with her.

Now trying to rethink how I could do this in case I can. didn't they defund meals on wheels? my ex drove delivery for local meals on wheels, no idea how they placed oreders or if oyu just get on a schedule and whatever comes, comes? The government defunded it in the package to give tax breaks to the 1% I think. couldbe wrong.

I lost 5 pounds last week. my dog has crusty snots stuck to her nostriles - it is smoke particles she inhaled coming out in nasal secretions. I have it inside my nose too, mucus runs with dried up stuff in it.

Habib has barely acknowledged me but has reclaimed his space. everything i did to make this my new home to live out my life has been jumbled apart.

tomorrow we will be here alone.  i feel nauseated still from the smoke inhalation.

then in 2 weeks or so we have a meeting and where I am PUT will be a group thing.

I can't do this anymore. I will sit where ever they put me. let's wrap this show up.

JFKOC - you wrote a poem. I love it/

Too often we do not stop to hear what another human being is saying

 and when we do, we too often dismiss their "reality". 

As I become more dependent on others, I grow more fearful.


********

I never got to use the paints you sent me. I might give them to troubled kids who live behind this house/

Daughter got me back here yesterday and I have been in my room with door locked. I did soak in thebath tub and scrubbed my whole body of the smell of fear.

my dog is sleeping beside my bed now. no one tells me things but they talk to each other.



Iris L.
Posted: Friday, November 1, 2019 11:20 AM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 16199


Alz+, I believe Meals on Wheels is privately funded from donations.  Anyway, don't think about that.  Your daughter could be the one to sign you up.  Or she could bring cooked meals over to you to put in the freezer until mealtime.


You really should not be worrying about the logistics at this time. You should  think about taking care of yourself and your dog.  I know it will be hard, but you have to calm yourself as much as you can.  Keep yourself in a bubble of calmness.  


Perhaps your daughter can pick up a couple of facemasks from the drugstore.  I am far from the fires down here but I still smell smoke and see ash on the cars.


I am leaving in a few hours.  I'll be cut off for at least a  day or so.  The flight is 16 hours. Take care, Alz+!


Iris


Callie in Boston
Posted: Friday, November 1, 2019 12:05 PM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 392


My mom lived in Sonoma area and we signed her up for meals on wheels.  My husband also delivered meals for them 5 days a week for a few years.  You get one hot meal a day (it's delivered hot) plus milk, roll, etc.  They are about 1200 calories.  They delivered 5 hot meals a week and one additional cold meal for Sat (delivered on Friday).

This article says they were funded in Sonoma county 100% by grant.  Your daughter should call and sign you up!  Another really good thing about them is that the driver checks on you.  More than once my husband found people in distress who needed help and they have a system to call the social worker and whoever else is needed.  My mom was losing a lot of weight also because she could not get to the store or cook.

Here is an article

https://sonomacounty.ca.gov/_templates_portal/NewsletterIssueArticle.aspx?id=2147501581


alz+
Posted: Friday, November 1, 2019 12:13 PM
Joined: 9/12/2013
Posts: 3549


Callie - thank you forinfo. a 1 bedroom house with no yard is $475,000

probably not stayung here. if I have no contact from my kids I want to live somewhere else and just cut off my past. (right now this is how i feel)

****

Iris I will calm myself. My rescue guy said his zen teacher told him

"when you are angry, move and speak quietly

when others are angry, move and speak quietly

quiet your presence"

put that way instead soemeone saying "Oh calm your a** down" works better for me.

****

I will try to find calm because you said I should.


alz+
Posted: Friday, November 1, 2019 12:16 PM
Joined: 9/12/2013
Posts: 3549


Michael Ellenbogen wrote:

I was so waiting to hear your reply. Oh my god I can not believe this has happened to you. I don’t even know what to say to make it better in any way. I am so shocked. I will pray for you and ask others to do the same. You deserve so much better. 

OK. help from Alz group might be able to help me. I will listen, can you message me here or on email about who to call? I fear phones but not as much as this sh$t show. they are in sonoma county?
my daughter and son live hundreds of miles away. can't help me physically with food and stuff.

thank you MIchael.

Unforgiven
Posted: Friday, November 1, 2019 1:25 PM
Joined: 1/28/2013
Posts: 2616


Alz, I have what I hope will be a helpful quote to calm yourself.  It's from Frank Herbert:  "I must not fear.  Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the .itgle death that brings total obliteration. I will permit it to pass over me and through me.  And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.  Only I will remain."

I follow a doctor on Youtube who likens our mind to an elephant -- the emotional self-- being controled by a much smaller rational rider.  I know that with dementia and anxiety disorders, fear can be overpowering and the rider can more easily lose control.

I know the place where you are currently is not ideal.  But you spent a lot of your money making it possible for you to live there.  You have a modicum of control and can keep your dog there.  Has Habib truly thrown you out (which he really cannot do without reimbursing you for what you put into the house)?  Or has the fire made you feel unsafe there?  There is probably nowhere in the US that isn't prone to some sort of natural disaster and resulting evacuations.

My experience with senior living facilities through my mother is that they are not ideal either.  They are expensive, and they will make you leave if your needs exceed the level of care they are willing to provide.  You might be able to keep your dog in an independent living apartment, which is a plus, and there are usually meals available, as in one meal per day.  In assisted living, pets might not be allowed, and the peaceful environment is problematic.  There are other residents and staff members with their own needs and agendas that might conflict with your own.  In plain language, you might find yourself living with a nrighbor or facilities director who is as big a pain in the a$$ as Habib.

I do understand about validating your reality, but there is another cold hard reality impacting you.  You cannot live alone anymore.  It think that's a given.  I see you reacting out of your very real terror, like a scared bird trapped inside smashing against windows in an attempt to escape.  You need to stop letting the fear control you so you can decide which of the lesser evils you will hate the least.  Right now, you have a room where you can lock the door and have your dog with you, and it isn't costing you an arm and a leg.  That will change if you move.  Sorry about the tough love, but I hate seeing you go from bad to worse as you have been over the past few years.


Jo C.
Posted: Friday, November 1, 2019 8:07 PM
Joined: 12/9/2011
Posts: 10227


First of three new Posts: 

Unforgiven has very thoughtful things to say which are important to think about; she cares.  Her reference to the trapped bird may especially be applicable to much of what has been happening.

You have been through a significantly difficult time and under severe stress.  That is certainly an understatement.    Sometimes, when there are such severe challenges that engender a high level anxiety fear and stress, it can induce a, "catastrophic reaction."

Catastrophic reactions are very real; they do happen and they can be quite dramatic sending things into a dreadful tailspin until quelled.

We are all different in how we react; when there is Alzheimer's Disease, if one has reached a place where processing and coping when under pressure is affected,  things can easily slide sideways and they can also become catastrophic when under severe stress.   Horrible to experience.

 Routine and structure are friends to persons living with Alzheimer's,  that has recently been breached for you; also, you have a history of UTIs; if you have one going, that too can affect just about everything in your day to day world in multiple ways.   Probably would be good to have that checked out.

Each of us has filters; with Alzheimer's, one can reach a state where the filters do not function as well, especially when under the aforemetioned severe stress, fear and high anxiety.  One can also interpret matters differently from how others in their personal circle do depending on what one is feeling.  That leads to a dissonance and contributes to the upset between people.  Hard to catch one's breath when that is happening.

The lessened ability to filter, and if interpretation of what is happening is affected when under such stress,  one's behaviors can even change to the negative side of the ledger which affects the person with dementia as well as those within their personal circle such as family and friends.  When this happens, the person with dementia is often unable to see that is happening and the part they are playing in this, and others in the circle of relationships often cannot understand what is really going on if they are not highly knowledgable of dementia dynamics.  Everyone is affected.

You are now in the process of settling and recovering your equilibrium.   It will take a bit of time for the ripple effect to even out, and it will do that; it is in process.

Remember to breathe and may unexpected blessings soon find you.

 J.


Jo C.
Posted: Saturday, November 2, 2019 6:18 AM
Joined: 12/9/2011
Posts: 10227


Second of three new Posts:  Just thinking.   This is not a recommendation, just thoughts and options.

Our bodies change.  As we get older, they change even more in all aspects and need more support and professional support.  In this light, the thoughts came:

1.  When one has Alzheimer's Disease, one needs a very good and consistent care team.  This is key to success.

2.  You would probably be well served by having a good primary MD; an Internist, to deal with all medical things other than Alzheimer's.  The other key member of the team would be a good Geriatric Psychiatrist well skilled in caring for patients with Alzheimer's Disease; this would be your Alzheimer's specialist.

3.  It has been a long time since you have permitted yourself to have a thorough exam and input regarding where you are at in the Alzheimer's dynamics as well as a head to toe medical physical exam with labs.  There may be relief to be had; one would be best served to follow through and be consistent in appointments.   One single appointment does not do it well; it will take some consistency.   You would be best served by building your medical support team.

4.  You are in NoCal, very close to San Francisco.  The docs up there are much more in tune with the individual, and much more in tune when one chooses to self-medicate with legal substances.  They get it, and have this with other patients too.   You will probably find that different from what was in the U.P. of Michigan.

5.  Personally, the feeling comes to me that it is may well be time to let these people into your life on a consistent basis to bring you a much better quality of life than what you are now experiencing.  They may well be able to help you and ease some of the negatives you have been living with.

If you call the local Alzheimer's Assn., they can often give you names of specialists in dementia such as GeroPsychiatrists, etc.

The Alzheimer's Assn. for your area is in Santa Rosa; very close to your town.  Their number seems to be: 

 Shelley Dombroski, Director North Bay

sdombroski@alz.org
(707) 573-1210
 
You can also seek them through the National Alzheimer's Number at (800) 272-3900; they can transfer you to your local chapter and the 800 number will also have Care Consultants you can call to speak to 24/7, 365 days a year if you wish to talk or just rant about what is happening.
 
I think that this support team would relieve not only you, but bring a sense of relief to the family too in that they know you are in a care support group of professsionals.

 Just an idea, it is of course your decsion and choice; I certainly do wish you well.
 
J.

 


Jo C.
Posted: Saturday, November 2, 2019 6:44 AM
Joined: 12/9/2011
Posts: 10227


Third of three new Posts:

 MEALS ON WHEELS IN YOUR TOWN:

 There is indeed Meals on Wheels.  I checked the map on their site which is hard to read, and your town is definitely in  their service area.  Here is their link:

 http://www.councilonaging.com/meals-on-wheels/

There is a gray bar under the photo of the woman, click on Meals on Wheels; then click on Menu to see the sample menus for the month.

They are awesome in the choices they offer; you will have to scroll down to see the various menus:

 One menu is for chicken and turkey dishes and sides;

  A second menu is for beef and other meat entrees and sides;

 A third menu is for vegetarian entrees and sides.

  One can choose to vary what they want and not stick to one menu.

 If one cannot pay for such delivered meals, there is no charge.  They say that the cost of a meal is $4.00 for them to provide, but any donation whatever the amount is always appreciated.   One is not locked into the $4.00 per day in other words.

Evidently it seems they deliver one hot meal per day along with cold food for the second meal.  I think Saturday is also covered and is delivered with Friday's meals.

 There were two phone numbers for them:

 707) 525-0143  and . . .

 525-0383

 Worth giving it a try; the entrees actually sound pretty good.

 Buon appetit with NO fuss and no muss and no dirty pots and pans! 

 J.


jfkoc
Posted: Saturday, November 2, 2019 12:48 PM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 17562


The association was contacted the beginning of last week but so far they have not reached out to alz+. 

While she has told us that it is difficult to make calls perhaps she will  share your information with her daughter.


Michael Ellenbogen
Posted: Sunday, November 3, 2019 12:03 PM
Joined: 11/30/2011
Posts: 2680


I just spoke with the Fire Dept in Forestville California and they absolutely had a mandatory evacuation. Why do people make assumptions when someone is in need, instead of helping the person. What is wrong with you people. She needs help.  


jfkoc
Posted: Sunday, November 3, 2019 1:07 PM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 17562


Yes, there absolutely a mandatory evacuation of Forestville and I imagine the area still has some pretty bad air. Good for you for going to the ER for smoke inhalation.

alz+ .....I don't know where you are right now physically but I am hoping that you are safe with your dog. You have survived a horrible trauma. You are one tough lady.

Please update!!!!!!!!!!


ladyzetta
Posted: Sunday, November 3, 2019 4:14 PM
Joined: 2/16/2017
Posts: 524


Dear alz+

I am so sorry for the fear you are having. 

I live in a small town in Oregon and there is a real nice A/L - M/C facility here my DH spent the last year and a half of his life there and I was very pleased with all the love and care he received during his stay there. The A/L part of the facility allow pets as long as the person is able to care for the pet it even has a yard for the pets. When I went to visit my DH I would take our little dog with me and the 3 of us would go out and sit in the pet yard. If you are looking for a place to call home and you are researching places please look at the website for Prairie House its in LaPine Oregon. I live in LaPine not too far from Prairie House.

I also grew up in the Bodega Bay and Russian River area. My Grandparents owned a Resort in Jenner Calif.

You have a lot of friends out here that care a lot about you. Hugs Zetta 


Unforgiven
Posted: Sunday, November 3, 2019 4:29 PM
Joined: 1/28/2013
Posts: 2616


What a helpful suggestion!  In this case, the more heads the better.
Jo C.
Posted: Sunday, November 3, 2019 5:20 PM
Joined: 12/9/2011
Posts: 10227


Michael, there was indeed a mandatory evacuation in Alz+'s town; but on the dates the Posts were written, the evacuation order was no longer in place - the town was on a "warning" status. Here is what was said in the Post:

"Knowing the town in which alz+ lives, I checked on it for the current date.   It is not in the mandatory evacuation areas, but is presently in the "warning" area "

Fortunately, the town did not have to be evacuated again.   I know the town where Alz+ lives as she mentioned its name quite some time ago when she was moving from the U.P. of Michigan; I do not mention the town in Posts as I feel that is private information. 

This information I received for her town was directly from the emergency center as well as the town's police department for the exact dates being addressed.  We were all so concerned for Alz+'s safety and knew she had no electricity to be able to communicate, so receiving accurate information helped all of us to understand her situation and to feel reasonably comfortable for her physical safety.

Alz+ has been under severe stress in multiple areas during this past months and we who have been with her for literally years have done our best to provide her with ongoing support and contact information with direct numbers and/or links.

We are praying for Alz+ as she has asked and also standing in support of her as we always have.  The purpose of this wonderful Message Board we are gifted with is to contribute to the support of one another and that is the absolute priority.

J.


Unforgiven
Posted: Sunday, November 3, 2019 5:48 PM
Joined: 1/28/2013
Posts: 2616


I will support Jo in this matter.  There was a mandatory evacuation area and a ''warning' area.  It went road by road, and without an exact address it was impossible to determine. According to local media, even people in the mandatory evacuation area were choosing to stay and save their homes.

I would also ask how any of us is supposed to 'help' from thousands of miles away, when family had not responded in a timely fashion. I am convinced now that the current living situation is untenable, but the alternative is something alz fears even more.

This thread had just produced a positive alternative -- a place with daily supervision that allowed pets, and you introduce finger-pointing and negativity again.  You want to see one of the best resources for information and support gone from here?  You will only be hurting those people you claim to want to help.

Edit:  I do not plan to delete this post, but some missing posts have made it somewhat senseless to those who may be reading after the fact.