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3.5 years later my sweetie’s closet is nearly empty
Agent 99
Posted: Thursday, July 25, 2019 2:14 PM
Joined: 6/7/2013
Posts: 2165


I need a deadline (no pun intended) to motivate me to get things done that I believe can be put off until tomorrow.

After living in a homeowners’ community for 15 years I finally joined the closed facebook group open only to the Ladies of L...  I call it the LOLs.   I was never a club or group person but dementia has shown me that I am not an island all the time.

Over the last 3 months belonging to the LOLs has benefitted me tremendously.  I found a teacher husband who is fixing the shed, a high school football player to do weeding and heavy lifting, a pool maintenance service (my pool “man” retired this year; I planned to demolish the pool but I fell thru the cover, broke my ankle and had to have it opened - more on that may be later), high school/college aged gals to take Chaos (dog) on 2 walks per day and most appropriate to this topic someone who met my plan about how to donate my sweetie’s clothing.

One of the many nicknames for my sweetie was calling him a hobo.  I worked hard to convince him to wear his hobo clothes on the weekends rather than at work.  Certainly I am not one to talk since I am quite hobo-esque myself (except when I worked in an office).  I became his personal stylist so he had a large wardrobe that was in very good shape.

Anyway I wanted to donate his clothes to an organization that gives them directly to those that want/need them but I didn’t do much legwork to find one.  Well one of the LOLs posted that she needed large sized shoes, short sleeved summer shirts and skinny men’s pants.  I contacted her.  She agreed to come to the house and collect the clothing after I explained all the inch high barriers I couldn’t get over to start the process, let alone the emotional stuff.

I was supposed to call her Tuesday night to set up a time for Wednesday.  Well I forgot but remembered at midnight.  Now I’m not a forgetter despite being a proscratinator.  Yesterday morning I got completely distracted by a date with my post-dementia boyfriend C—SPAN and binge watched the Mueller hearings.

My phone rang around 1;00 but it was in the kitchen and I was on the couch with Chaos lying in my arms.  Since I broke my left 8 weeks ago he has been snubbing me so I was not going to move for any reason - even a meteor strike.  Then the text ringer went off.  So I became a responsible adult, got up and LOL had called.  Oy vey!  I phone her apologizing profusely.  She offered to come another day.  Hemming and hawing I blurted out - no come now!

I quickly got presentable, well almost, ran upstairs, threw clothing over the railing onto the first floor floor, ran into the garage to collect footwear encased in spider webs and probably the home of a few creepy crawlers, and piled it all by the front door.  When LOL came she was quite empathetic having recently lost her sister and mother.  She came upstairs to help with the remaining items.  I opened one of chesters drawers (southern for chest of drawers) looking for t-shirts but found the lost ark of white tube socks and briefs that sat unworn for years before sweetie left for his final frontier.  Surprised she said she would take it all!  Thank goodness I bleach whites to hole-ee death.  

The trunk of her Nissan Sentra was filled as well as her back seat.

I am kind of feeling feelingless.  Not relieved, not terribly sad, just neutral.  No tears.  Maybe a little guilty for doing it when I know there is no clamoring reason.  

Interestingly my mother cleaned out my stepdad’s closets within 2 weeks after he died.  Not unusual that I’m totally the opposite.  She irons her jeans, matches her sheets, never leaves the house or in the house dressed like a hobo and used to put wet shirts in the refrigerator overnight.

Oh well, a bit verbose after a long alphatical absence from my e-village agora.  Just goes to show that at least for me I have trouble letting go of a good thing.

Love to all.


w/e
Posted: Friday, July 26, 2019 11:36 AM
Joined: 3/7/2012
Posts: 1707


5 yrs later. May he rest in peace. His closet is empty of material life. But, I still cannot read his most intimate/personal journals. I look at the boxes. I open them. I close them. I keep saying to our daughter, "Maybe tomorrow."... For now, there is no need for me to read. I listen to my immortal beloved with my heart. I hear the echoes of the music of his voice. It comes to me from the beyond, beyond, daily.

...

Trekking through the www transcending national and ethnic borders.

I Sign In... Oh! Memorable encounters between e-wanderers. A circle of good people. An online community breaking bread at alzconnected.org / Discussion Board. 

 What do I bring to this group? What commonalities do we share? How can I be of benefit to others in this agora? How would I benefit in return from supporting others in this e-village?

I keep coming.

A few clicks. A couple of reads. On occasions, there are still combinations of tap  - tap - tap from me.

I Sign Out... Oh! Enriched. More confident. With a better understanding of dementia symptoms. Relationships. And Life and Death. In general.

Now, I rest. For today I've had a good www trek. From beginning to end.

 Good to see you, 99.