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Cried my eyes out today
Posted: Saturday, December 7, 2019 4:51 PM
Joined: 12/4/2019
Posts: 8

I just wanted to have a “normal” day. Guessing those are gone. Had to go to the grocery store. My husband likes to go so away went. It wasn’t a complete disaster, he walks slower than I thought was humanly possible. After close to an hour of crawling up and down the aisles with a few bumps we get checked out. I get him back to the car (it’s about 25 degrees out and blowing a gale) get the groceries loaded up and drive back home. Get him in groceries in. Put away groceries and hide most the foods he might decide to rip open. 

We both like music and I had decided to take him to a sweet community Christmas music sing along. We don’t do much socially because it’s just too exhausting. I was determined we were going. I miss normal especially around the holidays. We were both resting on the couch for a bit and I dozed off. I heard my husband get up but thought he was just looking out the window. I got up and he was in the bedroom standing next to a big pile of poo and he had peed in the laundry basket. Why??? I cleaned it up (so disgusting), gave him a shower (that is another special kind of challenge)  I asked him why and of corse he couldn’t tell me. His had done something similar the other day when the caretaker was at the house (I have to work full time).

I went back into the bathroom and cried into a towel so he couldn’t hear me. I didn’t want to go to the sing along for fear he would have another BM accident. I just wanted to sing Christmas songs and socialize. Maybe it would have gone fine but I wasn’t willing to take the chance. 

Have any of you run into your partner going to the bathroom on the floor?  

Posted: Saturday, December 7, 2019 5:03 PM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 18727

Thankfully I have not  however I had a complete change of clothing for my husband in the car.

Do you think disposables might help at this point? 

I am very sorry that you did not get to sing. Such a small thing  but we know how large your sadness was to miss it.

Joe C.
Posted: Saturday, December 7, 2019 5:11 PM
Joined: 10/13/2019
Posts: 309

WesM, Well you made me feel better, my day was not as bad as yours. DW did not want to get dressed today, just wanted to lay in bed and watch TV. I had planned to put up the Christmas tree today, which was always a happy event in our home, so I got her up & dress and got the tree, lights ornaments up from the basement. DW just sat there and did not so any desire to decorate, first time ever. I got a little down and decided put off finishing the tree until tomorrow. Dinner time came and I had nothing planned so I decided to get takeout from a local restaurant. I order my DW a sautés chicken dish that she always liked and I order a turkey dinner. She said she did not like her dinner so I swapped meals, she didn’t like the turkey either (the dog got the turkey). I reheated last nights leftover meatloaf and that worked thank God. 

I have not experienced the going the bathroom on the floor yet, worse for me is she will forget she need to pull her pants down before she goes the bathroom. Hope tomorrow is a better day for both of us.

Posted: Saturday, December 7, 2019 5:21 PM
Joined: 12/4/2019
Posts: 8

Thank you! Sorry putting up the tree was a sad event. This disease breaks my heart a little more each day.
Posted: Saturday, December 7, 2019 5:25 PM
Joined: 12/4/2019
Posts: 8

Thank you! He does wear depends
Posted: Saturday, December 7, 2019 6:15 PM
Joined: 4/2/2018
Posts: 3072

Sorry you are going through this. I have not experienced what you did, but my wife has tried to sit on a chair or the sofa to pee (only a few times so far). But I have been able to catch her before she did anything, and I've been able to get her to the bathroom. But I know it's coming.

Welcome to the forum. This is an excellent place to find help and understanding.

Posted: Sunday, December 8, 2019 7:09 AM
Joined: 11/4/2014
Posts: 384

@WesM....To answer your question , yes... DW had numerous incidents . Agreed, "so disgusting"

I spent Christmas morning 2016 (3:00 AM) cleaning up my DW.  I stripped and changed the sheets then laundry.

Hint :  Foaming shaving cream will make the job easier. Get DH showered, and cleaned up first  I managed to find a tarp. With the help of a good friend, I covered the most of the  carpet. 

  On February 13th 2017.....five days after her 62 birthday, I placed my DW in LTC . I threw the tarp out, replaced the box spring, and mattress . I personally scrubbed every square inch of that bathroom/ shower twice .

Today DW is late stage 7 ..I'm not sure if DW will see Christmas 2019 ??

I can't tell you how many times  I've sat in the car or my house,  and cried till there was no more tears.



Posted: Monday, December 9, 2019 11:33 PM
Joined: 11/29/2019
Posts: 115

Laurentian...I just read your reply to WesM and my heart goes out to both of you. This disease is so devastating. Nobody can relate unless you are living it. My DH is very early stage and I lay awake with thoughts of what is to come. I think I better replace the carpet in the bedrooms with laminate!  The tarp is also an excellent idea. I’m so glad I found this site. Lots of support, heartfelt posts and great tips. Wishing you peace and comfort!
Posted: Tuesday, December 10, 2019 2:31 AM
Joined: 6/15/2016
Posts: 120

I’m so sorry you didn’t get to the carol singing. Wes, I hope today is better in every way.  I haven’t had to face the toileting issue and I’m thankful for that.
Joe, what a shame you couldn’t decorate the tree.  I understand a deep longing for “normal”. 


Posted: Tuesday, December 10, 2019 5:44 AM
Joined: 4/2/2018
Posts: 3072

Boxerlover53 wrote:
The tarp is also an excellent idea.

Sharon, if you should ever use a tarp, please be sure that it is secured (good carpet tape?) at the edges so it doesn't become something to trip on.

Posted: Tuesday, December 10, 2019 7:52 AM
Joined: 11/4/2014
Posts: 384

Yes ...Double side tape...and lots of it ..If the carpet had been older I would have torn it out, and maybe gone to a short term, cheap laminate?

Thanks to same great advice (received here ) The cleaning process wasn't as awful as I thought itv would be. 

I focused on minimizing incidents...Dietary fibre, and just plane watching the clock and getting DW on the toilet, in a timely matter. still may have some cleaning to do, but less is better..

For you folks in the early stages , don't let this frighten you..This horrible disease doesn't necessary follow the same path for everybody.

Oh and as a correction . I placed DW just after her 61st birthday . She might see 64 in February? 

To me DW will always be the pretty Strawberry Blonde with the brief case, and the snappy Banker Suits..I cherish those memories.


Last Dance
Posted: Tuesday, December 10, 2019 7:57 AM
Joined: 5/2/2013
Posts: 369

 I think poo on the floor is more common than you might think. I have had that happen on more than one occasion, actually I even have stepped on it a couple of times, not knowing that it was there. Like you at times I dint want to take my DW some place as I was always afraid that she would burst out loud I have to go to the bathroom, and because of that I stopped taking her to church, and other places like that. Like all of us your doing the best you can dealing with a situation you have no control over. God’s Blessings to you.  




Posted: Tuesday, December 10, 2019 6:33 PM
Joined: 12/4/2019
Posts: 8

Thank you. I’m new to using the board but not with the disease. So grateful for the supports.
Posted: Tuesday, December 10, 2019 6:36 PM
Joined: 12/4/2019
Posts: 8

Today my DH used the toilet!!! We have wood floors so luckily the mess can be cleaned up fairly easily. Thank you!
Posted: Tuesday, December 10, 2019 6:38 PM
Joined: 12/4/2019
Posts: 8

Thank you. I played Christmas music in my car on my way to work.  Trying to find the little joys in life.
jb crick
Posted: Tuesday, December 10, 2019 9:15 PM
Joined: 8/2/2016
Posts: 638

WesM wrote:

Have any of you run into your partner going to the bathroom on the floor?  

Yes... and it wasn't pretty. The family was on an organized biking trip several years back. My sister-in-law told me Anne needed to go to the bathroom and  she was going to take her. So I waited outside while they went in. Apparently my SIL had no idea how to help Anne the thought she would just wait outside the stall. A few minutes later I heard some commotion and SIL was shouting that she needed help.

Well there was poop all over the floor and it got stepped in. I'll spare the details, but I spent better than 20 minutes cleaning up the mess. Then I had to find a place where I could hose off Anne's shoes.

But that wasn't the end... We went to dinner and had a good time and good meal, Upon leaving the restaurant Anne went with her other sister to the ladies room. I assumed all was well when they exited the bathroom smiling and laughing. We were walking up the main street of this little town when it started to rain. We ducked into a covered store front and after a few minutes the rain started coming down heavy and I guess the sound of running water brought on the "urge to purge". Anne's pants and shoes were soaking wet, pee was everywhere and of course the blowing wind made Anne chilled.

I asked my SIL #2 about the bath visit at the restaurant and she told me Anne said she didn't have to go. As anyone here will tell you, every Alzheimer's patients' behavior eventually become more and more child like, and not having to go to the bathroom "at that moment" is one of those behaviors.

My lessons learned from this miserable ending to an otherwise pleasant day is  (1) I never let anyone else take Anne to the bathroom, (2) I always made sure we made a bathroom visit BEFORE attending any public outing, and (3) I always made sure we visited the bathroom at least every 2-3 hours when we are out.

I adhered to those rules and thankfully never had another embarrassing episode. But we did have an occasional close call. And I always carried a small bag with depends, wipes, extra underwear (and socks); basically a diaper bag with everything you carried when you had a toddler.

These situations are always embarrassing and most often frustrating, but I always tried to learn from them. I also found this forum a great place to find both emotional support and answers to tough questions.

Go easy on yourself, we have all been there. Relax and find a radio, TV or internet station (or YouTube) that is playing Christmas music, have an Eggnog and sing to the music. Or better yet invite a neighbor or two over and do the same with them.

Merry Christmas in advance,