RSS Feed Print
Think I'm going to ER today
Molokai16
Posted: Sunday, September 22, 2019 5:19 AM
Joined: 10/23/2018
Posts: 64


Hi all,

It's about 3AM Sunday morning on West Coast. I plan to get myself to ER today. I feel like I waited too long. But I have a huge fear of doctors and hospitals. Pathological, actually. I have symptoms that make me think they will find something terribly wrong with me and I will die there leaving so much unfinished business done to make sure my spouse is taken care of. I've been so depressed and fatigued for so long I haven't put all our financial ducks in a row. I've tried. My spouse has zero knowledge of our finances. Now, with his dementia, he has zero knowledge of anything. I won't go into details of today's fiascos. I'd prefer him to be in a coma cuz he does so much disaster. Simple little things like pay the gardeners he somehow royally fucks up. Of course he lost the TV remote control for the hundredth time today, and let ants into the house because he needs to feed every feral cat in the neighborhood. But the last of the last straw category, I begged him to bring our trash bins from the street five times. I dragged them in myself ultimately tonight even though he said he brought them in.  Oh, have a great day!

 


Kaswife
Posted: Sunday, September 22, 2019 5:39 AM
Joined: 6/15/2016
Posts: 57


Molokai,

I hope you do go to ER and tell them your symptoms.  That’s a positive thing to do for yourself.  It’s very painful to be controlled by fear.  Get some help and support for yourself.  You deserve it,

Hugs 


Victoria2020
Posted: Sunday, September 22, 2019 6:44 AM
Joined: 9/21/2017
Posts: 927


Oh Molokai-

I am sorry and sad but   good on you    reaching out for help. This disease just sucks us caregivers completely dry if we let it. Some survive just slightly crispy but it is a terrible toll.

The house destroying phase was it for me. I could not sustain a sane life in that. PWD has zero memory of it .

Get seen, talk about options, try to get as much care time there as you can to get rested up. Afterwards, see what options you have for his care to be delegated so you can do what you need to to get the financial ship organized etc .

Sending you good thoughts and understanding.


Davegrant
Posted: Sunday, September 22, 2019 7:32 AM
Joined: 6/20/2017
Posts: 27


I do hope you go to the ER as you need to put your health first. Warm thoughts to you.
Lorita
Posted: Sunday, September 22, 2019 8:28 AM
Joined: 12/18/2011
Posts: 10688


Hi Molokai,

 Hope your ER visit goes well.  I'm the same as you - absolutely hate to go to the doctor even though I worked with them for years.  The dread is always worse than the actual thing.  Hope you can get some help. 


Jo C.
Posted: Sunday, September 22, 2019 9:03 AM
Joined: 12/9/2011
Posts: 10043


Dear Molokai, it is a very good idea for you to be seen in the ER setting today and if needs must, be dramatic in your presentation of your own physical issues so that you are really heard.  There are not words sufficient to say how sorry I am for what is happening.

It would also be a good idea to have your husband placed into care asap as you have been thinking about.  Even if the first place is not the ultimate, he will be safe and cared for and you can always make changes later.

Your health is of very first concern.   After you are settled a bit, since your husband was a highly successful person in he entertainment industry and you have had much finance dealings, you may have had a CPA or other financial consultant.  Why not engage this person and have them untangle the confusion and manage all the money and pay the bills for the time being or even permanently.

First; please do get yourself to care.  It may take some time to get out of the waiting room and onto a guerney to be examined, but do not let that deter you.  NOTE:  If you are having chest pain, that is a significant issue; let them know that at triage, this usually will get a person seen very quickly.

Please let us know how you are doing, we will absolutely be thinking of you and we truly do care.

Courage,

J.


Katy sue
Posted: Sunday, September 22, 2019 9:10 AM
Joined: 9/24/2016
Posts: 306


You are doing the right thing ,Molokai. Your health needs to come first. Stay strong. We are here.
Doityourselfer
Posted: Sunday, September 22, 2019 9:45 AM
Joined: 9/5/2017
Posts: 350


Take care of #1 … and that's you!
jfkoc
Posted: Sunday, September 22, 2019 11:41 AM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 17264


please let us know....
abc123
Posted: Sunday, September 22, 2019 10:13 PM
Joined: 6/12/2016
Posts: 525


Hi Molokai. I was checking back to see if you had shared an update with us. I am hoping you were seen by a great doctor and you are now resting. Sending you good wishes and support.
Jo C.
Posted: Monday, September 23, 2019 8:15 AM
Joined: 12/9/2011
Posts: 10043


Hello Dear Molokai, here I am at the beginning of the day and am thinking of you.  Please do let us know how you are.

J.


Jo C.
Posted: Tuesday, September 24, 2019 8:48 AM
Joined: 12/9/2011
Posts: 10043


ttt
Molokai16
Posted: Wednesday, September 25, 2019 4:48 AM
Joined: 10/23/2018
Posts: 64


Hi Victoria

Your comment about house destroying caught my attention. Am I perhaps not the only spouse/caregiver watch the house looks like it's been in an a earthquake? He can win a game show on how bad he can trash the house in just two days!


Rescue mom
Posted: Wednesday, September 25, 2019 8:38 AM
Joined: 10/12/2018
Posts: 974


Molokai, much depends on what you call trashing, but If I left DH alone for an hour I’d come home to find things like all kitchen cabinets emptied and contents “arranged” all over the bathroom. Fridge contents all over LR and sometimes outside trash bins.

The neighbors outside trash bins contents brought inside our house, magazines all over floor, books taken from shelves and put in weird places, all doors and windows wide open in pouring rain with AC full blast, water pouring from various faucets. I could go on. Hit by an earthquake would be a good description.

It could take hours to get things back to how they supposed to be. He made huge messes, and sometimes discarded important things, but he never just smashed or tore up anything. 

Just mostly a big mess, or things disappeared. Nothing that made any sense. There was no telling what, if anything, he had in mind or was trying to do.

I understand from support group IRL this is not unusual.

Did you get to ER?


Keep It 100
Posted: Wednesday, September 25, 2019 10:44 AM
Joined: 2/26/2017
Posts: 413


I hope you are doing better and the ER was of some help.

I, too, understand the issues you described in your OP. We lived in a beautiful house on a 1/2 acre with a very long driveway upon which the trash and recycle bins needed to be taken up and down every week. A couple years ago Ray could still help a bit, but I noticed a break down in his ability when he would go out and bring the empty cans down to the garage for me, then turn around and bring them right back to the curb! So I ended up doing it myself anyway....and just stopped asking him to assist. As it seemed it was always either wet or hotter than heck or snowing or whatever, I got so sick of it I ended up selling that house and moving to a townhouse where I now move my cans about 2 yards from garage to right outside garage! There, I solved that problem, lol. But really, it was making me nutty. 

I don't leave him home alone much anymore. I recently left him for a few hours, and found all of my cabinets rearranged. I guess I shouldn't complain as at least he did it neatly. My favorite jewelry has gone away to some mystery place... Missing/hidden remote control makes me totally batty. 

I do hope you are well. 


Victoria2020
Posted: Wednesday, September 25, 2019 11:16 AM
Joined: 9/21/2017
Posts: 927


You can buy remote security cables - coil with tape /velcro so the remote can't walk off. Abt $10 on Amazon.
Jo C.
Posted: Wednesday, September 25, 2019 3:13 PM
Joined: 12/9/2011
Posts: 10043


Hi Molokai, did you make it to the ER or decide against it?  So hope you are feeling better than you were.

J.


Molokai16
Posted: Friday, September 27, 2019 8:09 AM
Joined: 10/23/2018
Posts: 64


Hi I didn't go to the ER. However, I did manage to take a "tour" of a memory facility apartment living place 9 miles from our house. Managed to drag my spouse along. Felt like we were there for hours. So exhausted. Actually, we were there for hours. Goal right now is 30 day respite care. $6000. Yup. Even though the facility is not the Four Seasons by any stretch, the staff, every single person I met was so kind and friendly and caring I felt like I was in Twilight Zone. Why are all these people so nice? Personally, I would check myself in tomorrow. 3 great meals a day, a vast activity calendar, including twice a day exercise and stretching, chair yoga, live music twice a week, private room, fun excursions, art classes, beauty parlor, etc. I'm pretty sure Jim is going to go. He can even bring his favorite cat. I'm beginning to see a light at end of tunnel.
Jo C.
Posted: Friday, September 27, 2019 8:24 AM
Joined: 12/9/2011
Posts: 10043


Oh; joyous relief!  I am so glad that you found such a wonderful level of care.  Yes; sticker shock, BUT if one has the funds, worth every single penny.

What would be a dream would be if after adapting, if Jim thrived in such an atmosphere with increased socialization and activity with much routine and structure.  Then, if it is meant to be, you would have a good long term care setting for him which would enable you to be his loving wife who can visit as much as she can or wishes, rather than being an overwhelmed  caregiver, and would also let you take care of your own health needs.

This is good news; job well done.  What I learned was that not only did my LO have a period of adaptation, I too had an adaptation period.   It takes time, and it can turn out to be a significant positive.

Let us know how you are and how things are going.  

J.


eaglemom
Posted: Friday, September 27, 2019 8:40 AM
Joined: 3/7/2012
Posts: 2356


What great news. Thanks for sharing it with us. I think the facility sounds perfect. Excellent job. Now, for you to rest up.

eagle


jfkoc
Posted: Friday, September 27, 2019 9:45 AM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 17264


Sounds like the Four Seasons of MC to me...lol
abc123
Posted: Monday, September 30, 2019 1:28 AM
Joined: 6/12/2016
Posts: 525


Dear Molokai!!!!! Wonderful news! Thank you letting us know. I’m very happy for the both of you!
Ed1937
Posted: Monday, September 30, 2019 5:17 AM
Joined: 4/2/2018
Posts: 1507


It's really good to hear such positive words about a facility. That's really great! I hope you can get some much needed rest now.
Katy sue
Posted: Monday, September 30, 2019 5:39 AM
Joined: 9/24/2016
Posts: 306


This great news! Job well done! Hoping you will rest and find clarity in your new journey as well.
Jo C.
Posted: Monday, September 30, 2019 7:12 AM
Joined: 12/9/2011
Posts: 10043


Dear Molokai, thinking of you.

J.