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Treasures we cling to
bela
Posted: Monday, October 26, 2015 4:28 AM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 4105


I will dangle a key to my childhood home and one from my mother's condo where she resided following my father's death ('93). The idea came from this item which is available at Nordstrom stores.
socwkr
Posted: Monday, October 26, 2015 8:54 AM
Joined: 10/6/2012
Posts: 924


I wear my husband's bedroom slippers. I hope they don't wear out for a while!
rhosarjo
Posted: Monday, October 26, 2015 10:56 AM
Joined: 4/22/2013
Posts: 842


I have a bear made from one of his shirts. I keep our wedding rings together in the bears shirt pocket. And every now and then, I take the cap off the bottle of his aftershave and breathe in a scent full of memories and play a voice recording on my phone of him saying that I was his main squeeze and that he loves me so much.
chloeanne
Posted: Monday, October 26, 2015 10:56 AM
Joined: 6/24/2012
Posts: 98


I wear my Mothers jewelry. I also had a quilt made out of her favorite clothes she wore and wrap up in it every night while watching TV...
socwkr
Posted: Monday, October 26, 2015 11:52 AM
Joined: 10/6/2012
Posts: 924


I had a client one time who was very upset because one day she was fishing around in her coat pocket and pulled out a movie ticket. She started to cry because it reminded her of happier times. I thought, wow, that was such a gift, to receive that memory, although it was very unexpected. I think when we hang the keys, wear the bedroom slippers, smell the aftershave, and snuggle up with the quilt, we are giving ourselves the gift of wonderful memories! We are cherishing our loved ones, not mourning them!
rhosarjo
Posted: Monday, October 26, 2015 4:24 PM
Joined: 4/22/2013
Posts: 842


Amen!
bela
Posted: Monday, October 26, 2015 10:29 PM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 4105


I am thinking of purchasing a ring that would have my mother's monogram (they have necklaces also)

( If you do not have a LO's fingerprint) Writing jewelry (your loved ones handwriting created in a jewelry piece)

Remember the hand prints many of us made in elementary school, pre-k or kindergarten- often plaster was used then glazed; a can do

Many people have had pillows made from a LO"s clothing...I have several pillows in square shape. Rather than having a speific pillow made per se I will silp one of mom's slip over t-shirts over an existing pillow- will also button a blouse of hesr around a pillow, tying the tails of the blouse in a hand over knot...In this way as i use the pillow the clothing can be removed and washed.

bela
Posted: Monday, October 26, 2015 10:38 PM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 4105


Dear Socwkr In all seriousness, when those sippers wear consider bronzing them,don't know if that is possible with that kind of material (or not) and or, have them packed into a wedding dress type box for brides to keep post wedding



rhosarjo
Posted: Tuesday, October 27, 2015 4:26 PM
Joined: 4/22/2013
Posts: 842


Ball caps can be bronzed as well. Many men like to wear caps/hats and it takes up less display space than a pair of bronzed shoes - especially if the shoe size is large. Bronzing is expensive, but we did that with our son's shoes when he passed - we would have spent a lot more paying for his Santa that year and it was worth it.



rhosarjo
Posted: Tuesday, October 27, 2015 4:28 PM
Joined: 4/22/2013
Posts: 842


Oh! One more hint...if you're going to make a memory bear, do NOT wash the clothing item first. That way, when you hug the bear and get hugged back, you will also be able to breathe in the scent of your loved one.
jfkoc
Posted: Saturday, October 31, 2015 12:01 PM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 17264


Maybe I am clinging too. I have left my husbands flight jacket on the chair, have left pictures up, have no plans to empty all drawers and closets but may recycle some things to make morw room for me.

This biggest decision facing me is where does "he go".

My husband would absolutely not discuss health, living wills (he had one, every page had a line through it then my name as responsible person, burial etc. So when he died I had no direction. The opportunity to have him buried at Arlington came up and it sounded like something he would approve of. One week later I fell apart and wanted him "home". Does that fall under clinging?

I now plan for him to  come home and to rest among his books. I know he would like that and I can decide on Arlington in the future.

I have found a company that will make a depository out of an actual gyro horizon. Good for a fighter pilot? We can switch to an Arlington container later. Is this rational?


rhosarjo
Posted: Saturday, October 31, 2015 12:34 PM
Joined: 4/22/2013
Posts: 842


jfkoc, we all grieve differently.  We all hang on to our loved ones differently.  There is nothing we do in our efforts to survive this great loss that is not rational.  I love the idea of having a depository made out of a gyro horizon - I think very fitting for a fighter pilot.  And that would look awesome nestled in with the books.  No one in my immediate family has ever been cremated so this is outside my list of experiences, but maybe you could have part of him stay home with you in the gyro horizon, and part of him buried at Arlington - if we can have our hearts in two places at once while we're alive, then why not our bodies after death?

I quickly cleaned out hubs's closet and moved some of my clothes in there.  I learned when our son passed, that the longer I put something off, the harder it was to do it later on.  I do still have a couple of dresser drawers that held his knick-knacks pretty much like he left them - they're drawers I don't need and it's tidbits of things that I really don't want to get rid of, either.  But all of his clothes are gone except for a couple of items that I chose to keep (a suit, a couple of jackets that I can also wear if I choose).  And I kept his bottle of aftershave - and take a whiff every now and then when I'm feeling particularly melancholy and lonesome.  I had a bear made from one of his shirts and it has a pocket on it.  His wedding band is in the pocket and looking at the bear reminds me so much of hubs when he wore that particular shirt - it's comforting to have that bear in the bedroom.  I'm attaching a photo.  Not a fantastic photo, but it's chilly and I'm not willing to unwrap to turn on the lights.

 


File Attachment(s):
Bear.jpg (34073 bytes)

jfkoc
Posted: Saturday, October 31, 2015 1:28 PM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 17264


Love the bear. How did you get it done?

Their seems to be a rule at Arlington that "all" remains be intact but who is to know that in the transferal a bit stayed in the gyroscope.

Dick's wedding rain was taken off and brought to me shortly after he died. I simply took mine off and have his now between two guards.  I was with him and his daughter when he passed but did not think to remove the ring myself.

I think I may have the date of our wedding put inside.

Dick filled a couple of drawers with stuff. I think going through that will be the hardest.


bela
Posted: Saturday, October 31, 2015 2:42 PM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 4105


Whatever we do is ratitonal; cling might not have been the right word but i meant it inthe most affectionate way- i want things elonging to my mom 9and dad0 in the place where i live, some close to me to wear, ther things to look at. There are things we simply d not wish to let go of...and that is how grief is.
jfkoc
Posted: Saturday, October 31, 2015 5:22 PM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 17264


I like cling....
bela
Posted: Saturday, October 31, 2015 10:29 PM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 4105


OK "cling" it is....i feel like i am clinging...the thigs mom left ehind are all i have....so i do cling

VKB
Posted: Saturday, November 7, 2015 1:50 PM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 3469


Cool idea!!!!!  Keys to remember.
rhosarjo
Posted: Saturday, November 7, 2015 4:53 PM
Joined: 4/22/2013
Posts: 842


jfkoc, I paid a lady to make the bears for me.  But check with your local hospices, they often will have "bear workshops."  Pillows are also easy to make out of the shirts and very huggable.   I, too, wore my husband's wedding band for awhile.  I put it on my finger behind my own wedding band so that my band would keep it from falling off my finger.  I had to take them off for a project I was doing one day, and decided that while I had it off maybe it was a good time to get used to not wearing it.
jfkoc
Posted: Sunday, November 8, 2015 11:33 AM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 17264


Pillows! What a great idea and I could easily make them.

 


jfkoc
Posted: Sunday, November 8, 2015 11:45 AM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 17264


Pillows! What a great idea and I could easily make them.

 


Lesley Jean
Posted: Thursday, November 12, 2015 10:39 PM
Joined: 2/13/2013
Posts: 2965


His bedroom slippers he got a few years ago for Christmas, his dress uniform and his officer's sword, flight jackets, ball caps, his rings and all his stuff that he stored in his bedroom end table. 

I have a pair of my dad's overalls. I have some of my mom's jewelry.  My grandma's tea cup collection, my MIL and grandma's hankies collections. 

I am not a hoarder, but it sounds like I am. 

Lj


Lorita
Posted: Saturday, November 14, 2015 11:19 AM
Joined: 12/18/2011
Posts: 10688


 Hi,

I like "cling" too.

I wear a couple of Charles' jackets around the house, keep pictures of him around.  I have one on his pillow along with the last stocking cap he wore.  When I hold it next to me it makes me feel close to him.

I also had a necklace made with his ring finger imprint on it along with his initials.  I wear it all the time and lay my finger inside his print often.

I think we need something to hold onto, to keep them close.




bela
Posted: Saturday, November 14, 2015 2:00 PM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 4105


Lorita; whichcompany did you use for finer print jewelry?  I have mom's finger prints and don't know what company to use.  thank you

 


Lorita
Posted: Saturday, November 14, 2015 10:20 PM
Joined: 12/18/2011
Posts: 10688


 Hi Bela,

I used Everlasting Impressions by Etsy.  Just google Cheryl Frazee.  She lives in Brighton, Colorado and custom makes each piece.  I emailed her and then sent Charles' print of his ring finger on his left hand.  She's very quick to respond to you and will really work with you.  I took his fingerprint with ink on bond paper.  Lots of choices.  I chose a lopsided sterling silver heart with his fingerprint and initials on the front.  I absolutely love it.  After you make your choice it doesn't take long for her to make it.


bela
Posted: Sunday, November 15, 2015 12:39 AM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 4105


Thank you Lorita- with so many companies out there I have not purchased as I had no solid recommendations- now I do!  Thank you, thank you.

Bela


Lorita
Posted: Sunday, November 15, 2015 11:28 AM
Joined: 12/18/2011
Posts: 10688


Hi Bela,

 Thought you might want to see what my necklace looks like.  I've posted the picture on another forum so maybe I can still find it.  Hope you like it.


File Attachment(s):
April 1, 2015 pendant 002.JPG (118068 bytes)

bela
Posted: Monday, November 16, 2015 5:52 PM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 4105


Lorita

Oh,  love it!!!! 


Lorita
Posted: Monday, November 16, 2015 5:55 PM
Joined: 12/18/2011
Posts: 10688


Thank you, Bela,

 I didn't realize how much comfort it would be to me.  I took his fingerprints before he went back to the hospital the last time - still have them.  Several times a day I find myself putting my finger into his on the necklace. 


Mema
Posted: Wednesday, September 14, 2016 11:59 PM
Joined: 9/8/2012
Posts: 58


Hi Lorita

We've not ever chat but been following your blog. I don't know how to describe my feelings but you seem to do such a good job and knows how to handle your life. I guess it's a long process. Tell me, how do you cope with your loss? I can't even barely think of me knowing that soon I'll be grieving the loss of my husband due to this horrible disease. Just by thinking of it I become sick to my stomach and soul. I read everyone's post via after their loss and it deeply strips my heart, also knowing I also will be in the same wreck boat. Sorry, just got carried away with some emotions. I would love to have a bear and a necklace with his finger imprint too. I searched on Etsy for the company Everlasting Impressions and couldn't find it. Would you be able to assist me?

Thank you!


MPSunshine
Posted: Thursday, October 13, 2016 8:00 AM
Joined: 5/21/2016
Posts: 1951


I wear my dad's shoes. Also his slippers. Same size feet.  Also keeping some of his shirts that smell like him.
His Daughter
Posted: Saturday, October 15, 2016 10:47 PM
Joined: 6/25/2014
Posts: 2272


My problem is holding on to too many things!!  I guess that's what we do when we can't hold our LO's hand.  We try to hold on to some things.  

 But the thought I had was taking one of dad's shirts and using it to cover a photograph album.  Ya know, with the pocket placed on the front. And possibly put his glasses in the pocket, like he always did.   I thought it would be a nice place to keep so many of my photos of him.


Kathy43
Posted: Sunday, October 16, 2016 8:53 AM
Joined: 3/11/2014
Posts: 318


Both of my parents are now gone and I'm looking into making a charm out of their combined wedding bands to wear as a necklace.  I'll post pictures once complete.
KML
Posted: Monday, October 17, 2016 6:17 PM
Joined: 11/30/2011
Posts: 2105


I have some of my mom's dresses, all of the doilies she crocheted, some of her jewelry, I'm using her Tuperware, her cooking pots, I have things she wrote on, I have her hope chest and some of her and my dad's furniture.  I have their silverware, some crystal, the china I bought for them when I got my first job.  I have my dad's flannel shirts, some of his tools, the abalone shells my husband gave them that were hanging on their garden fence.  I have a lot of their things.  I have a small place, but these things are hard to give up so I won't. 

I have my mom's Coty face powder and a bottle of her White Shoulders perfume. 

My dad made a lot of friends in their neighborhood, I have a small glass blown horse that one of his neighbors made for my dad.

I love having these things. Seeing them makes me very happy and comfortable, these things were a part of them and they were special to them, so they are special to me. 


Moish
Posted: Tuesday, October 18, 2016 1:17 PM
Joined: 7/29/2016
Posts: 319


Her wallet. It's a lovely fine leather. I love using it.
jfkoc
Posted: Tuesday, October 18, 2016 3:31 PM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 17264


The moment my husband died I took off my wedding band and engagement ring, slipped his band on then put my rings back on.