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Caught in the middle.
Jim Broede
Posted: Tuesday, June 5, 2018 3:11 PM
Joined: 12/22/2011
Posts: 5462


I have a friend. In need of psychiatric help. She’s being encouraged. By her husband. To get it. But she resists. Thinking she doesn’t need it. The other day. I had the opportunity to talk to her. When she was having  difficulty coping with life. I, too, suggested psychotherapy. But she became miffed. Accused me of siding with her husband. She walked away. In a huff. What does a friend do? In this kind of situation. I’m open to advice. Do I steer clear? Do I try to intervene? Feels like I’m caught in the middle. --Jim


ruthmendez
Posted: Tuesday, June 5, 2018 7:02 PM
Joined: 9/8/2017
Posts: 2317


It's hard to watch someone you care about suffer.  I would probably share a personal experience or someone's else's story with her so she can feel trust or a connection.  No pressure.  And the rest is up to her.
llee08032
Posted: Wednesday, June 6, 2018 7:38 AM
Joined: 5/20/2014
Posts: 4405


Are we 100% sure that she is not thinking about hurting herself? If ever in doubt one should always err on the side of caution and call the police. The police and emergency technicians are trained in dealing with a mental health crisis.

Ruth's advice is spot on. She's already feeling pressured by her husband. Just be her friend. Let her talk. Be supportive. Ask what you can do to help? Ask what she has thought about that might help? Try getting her talking in terms of solutions to her problem w/o coming on too strong. She's needing to be in control and the decision to get help has to be hers.

Husband might want to call a helpline or crisis hotline explain her symptoms and get some information and advice. He may need support, education, counseling and help also. NAMI (The National Alliance for Mental Illness) has chapters in every city and can be a great source of support and resources for the loved ones of person with a mental disorder/illness. He may want to strategically place pamphlets with information about community resources/supports and helpline numbers around the house.


jfkoc
Posted: Wednesday, June 6, 2018 9:49 AM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 19116


I would apologize for irritating her.

Next time stay out of the middle  just let her talk.


MissHer
Posted: Wednesday, June 6, 2018 9:57 AM
Joined: 11/13/2014
Posts: 2357


I agree with the rest of the ladies. Be a friend and maybe she will talk to you.
skericheri
Posted: Friday, June 8, 2018 12:26 PM
Joined: 12/10/2011
Posts: 287


In my opinion there is a difference between being concerned and/or caring about someone's emotional wellbeing and being a friend.  Jim--I think you are listening but not hearing.

llee08032
Posted: Monday, June 11, 2018 9:24 AM
Joined: 5/20/2014
Posts: 4405


I thought Jim was just asking for advice on how to help a friend? It's an appropriate post. Perhaps we should respond in kind when someone is asking for help or advice instead of looking for opportunities to bash them? Isn't that what one is supposed to do here? Should not posts like this be encouraged? By everyone? I personally do not feel this post is where you should go for the jugular.  Please... let's not forget about those rising suicide rates.
TrishD
Posted: Tuesday, June 12, 2018 1:20 PM
Joined: 4/21/2018
Posts: 21


Hello everyone, I'm struggling with the fact that my brother has asked me to take care of my mom. He has done so much for the last two years since my father past. I love my mother and don't want her in a nursing home, but my life has just changed drastically. I feel like my life is over. I don't mean to sound rude, but I'm just trying to find out how long this will be. Mom is 78 years. She has moderate dementia.  Although, I know this is a gift to give back to my mom, I miss my home dearly.
ruthmendez
Posted: Tuesday, June 12, 2018 1:52 PM
Joined: 9/8/2017
Posts: 2317


Hi Trish. 

 I recommend you post in this forum https://www.alzconnected.org/discussion.aspx?g=topics&f=151.  Just add a topic and you'll receive more answers.  This can be a long time, but it's hard to say.  I guess it depends on whatever other health complications she may have.  My father is 77, and most likely early part of stage 7, but he's very healthy otherwise.  Please post in the other forum, and you'll receive links and stuff to better guide you. 

Hang in there.  There is nothing wrong with making a choice that is best for you and your mom. You can still be her advocate.

 


TrishD
Posted: Tuesday, June 12, 2018 1:59 PM
Joined: 4/21/2018
Posts: 21


Thank you ruthmendez
jfkoc
Posted: Tuesday, June 12, 2018 4:11 PM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 19116


Hi Trish...

There is really no answer to your question. Ithink reasonable would be 2-10 years.

Your life is not over but certainly drastically changed. You have accepted a huge responsibility for you mothers's well being both physically and emotionally. It is a bid job but we will be right next to you.

I too encourage you to post additionally to the link Ruth provided.


llee08032
Posted: Thursday, June 14, 2018 8:09 AM
Joined: 5/20/2014
Posts: 4405


That's what I was talking about...advice and support. Wish you the best Trish.