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to hold onto
jfkoc
Posted: Monday, December 24, 2018 7:52 PM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 19097


But as the Grinch said, "....it came anyway.....".  Christmas comes whether we want it, are prepared for it, can handle it or not.  Like birth and death, it comes anyway.  Our emotions and longings, frustrations and pains are irrelevant.

and then it will be the day after Christmas


Jim Broede
Posted: Tuesday, December 25, 2018 8:51 AM
Joined: 12/22/2011
Posts: 5462


Thing is. Christmas doesn't come for everyone. So very many separate realities. That's the nature of life. Wonderful or not. --Jim
ruthmendez
Posted: Tuesday, December 25, 2018 10:41 AM
Joined: 9/8/2017
Posts: 2317


I like my time off work..
I cleaned all the windows yesterday (unfortunately a lot of streaks and dots left behind-I'm tired), and today I'll get rid of old paperwork.

Cookie keeps asking for food, and I tell her she's getting a little heavy.  


jfkoc
Posted: Tuesday, December 25, 2018 9:00 PM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 19097


No Christmas comes every year on 12/25. Not everyone knows it. Not everyone celebrates it but it comes every year regardless.
MissieK17
Posted: Wednesday, December 26, 2018 7:32 AM
Joined: 12/25/2018
Posts: 1


Well, Christmas came.  But, for the first year in my 55 years and my father's 88, it wasn't to be celebrated.  He wanted everyone out of his and my mother's house, most of us from out of the state and he was scared, terrified we were going to hurt him. We had to clear the home and my nrother in lae whonis a police officer had to take him out in the process telling him he would keep him safe.  Christmas is usually the most celebrated holiday in our home.  My father puts up lots of trees, decorates, wraps for days. Suddenly, things have changed and he is fearful, mistrusting, sarcastic and mean.  My family is very culturally mixed, many young teenage boys.  He may never be able to see those children again who have stuck by his side through this illness. My mother is very sad but insists that getting care would be the wrong thing at this point.   She is a strong woman.  It kills me to see a once loving and delightful man become so mean to an amazing woman. I worry he will now do other things besides the verbal ugliness and become physical.  Looking for support.  Christmas as I know it is dead.
ruthmendez
Posted: Wednesday, December 26, 2018 11:06 AM
Joined: 9/8/2017
Posts: 2317


Hello MissieK17.  Yes, this is part of the disease. My father got like that last year.  Now, he is no longer able to walk on his own, incontinent, hand-fed, the works.
Recently, I reduced his antipsychotic and anti-anxiety medication.  He is more alert but back to repeating "they're going to kill me...they're going to kill me..."  The good thing it's manageable. 

Last year, he did get physically abusive, and trying to figure out what the heck was going on, then hyponatremia, then the wrong anti-depressant-then through trial and watching him like a hawk, we finally got the medication right.

You do need to warn your mother to remove all weapons, knives, and hard objects.  

At this point, something needs to be done to ensure your mother is not alone dealing with this.  Although she's strong, I'm mid-age and taking care of dad does cause physical strain.

Your father can still be able to see the family, but there may be a period of figuring how to deal with your father's next phase of his disease first.

He's scared and is going through losing more of his understanding of what's going on around him and who he is.

I recommend calling the Alz helpline for guidance and support as well.

Please keep checking on your mother and she needs support whether she wants it or not.  I understand how she feels, but I strongly don't recommend being a caregiver at her age. 

This is hard.