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Hardest thing I have ever done.
JoyceBurns
Posted: Sunday, February 10, 2019 3:04 PM
Joined: 10/29/2015
Posts: 3


I thought it was taking mother to the 5th floor to get a diagnosis and see if there was a treatment. 

Then it was letting them discharge her to a nursing home.

But it just gets worse and worser.  Going in to see her is so hard.  Never know what you will find.  

She is now under Hospice Care; still has good days and bad days.  Depression is part of my daily life.  Do I get out of bed today or not. 


Jim Broede
Posted: Sunday, February 10, 2019 4:27 PM
Joined: 12/22/2011
Posts: 5462


Yes, you get out of bed. And deal with it. By reminding yourself. That you've had a good life. In large part. Due to the blessing of having a wonderful mother. Or am I guessing wrong? She's helped you through troubled times. Now it's your turn. Others here will go easier on you. Than I. So stick around. You'll get help and an empathetic ear. --Jim
ruthmendez
Posted: Sunday, February 10, 2019 4:37 PM
Joined: 9/8/2017
Posts: 2314


I'm not sure what to say...but yes, get out.  Don't drown yourself in it.  Death is dark, but we have to be the helping hand for transition.  My mom didn't have dementia, that I'm aware of, and 2 days prior to her death, she asked me to help her through.  And I did.  It was very dark, but we made it.  Death is a scary and ugly experience.

I believe, I was on this side, while the others were on the other.  Me letting her go, while others brought her in to the other world.

Be that person for your mother.  We are the only ones with some strength to help her through.

And when it's over, move forward.  That is what we have to do.  Staying behind does not allow us to see what more there can be.  Or what we can be.

Hang in there.  Move forward.


jfkoc
Posted: Monday, February 11, 2019 4:42 PM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 18952


Joyce....how are you doing?
Jim Broede
Posted: Tuesday, February 12, 2019 11:27 AM
Joined: 12/22/2011
Posts: 5462


I find that hard things often become easy.  Caring for Jeanne, for instance. Caring about life, too. Give it time. --Jim
w/e
Posted: Tuesday, February 12, 2019 12:54 PM
Joined: 3/7/2012
Posts: 1751


when s*** happens...

When Life burns. I walk. I crawl. I slither.

When Life burns. I moan during the day. I howl at night.

When Life burns. I stop. I wait patiently for the green light to go. And, then move on.

Yes... my dear Joyce, this is the hardest thing you have ever done.

 Follow your path. Stay on your path. Move at your pace... Do what you need to do. When you need to do it. And how and why you need to do it.

 This is part of Life's walkabout. Try to maintain your courage to be. You will be okay, in due time.

 I send you soft hugs. And admiration for your care and love for your mom.

 


AmyJo5
Posted: Tuesday, February 12, 2019 7:36 PM
Joined: 7/28/2017
Posts: 176


Wouldn't your mom want you to get out of bed? My mom went through Alzheimer's with her mother. Last year was my turn (our turn, with my brother and sister). Mom passed in November. I know this is the "natural order" of things, in some ways (not dementia, but that our parents pass first and we step up that much closer to our own deaths). But logic doesn't help with depression. We who have to walk that path have to find meaning for going on. It's out there. The world needs us. But take the time you need for yourself. Lose yourself in movies or binge watch silly tv. That's the only way I've really been able to escape the heaviness and horror of her end. By the way, I'm on anti-anxiety meds which work against depression too. Don't know how they have changed my perspective: I worry I'm not feeling as vividly as I should. Sigh. I'm rambling. A hug from someone else who is accepting she's in a depression and darn* well deserves to be. But let's not linger?