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WIDOWHOOD
Dahlke
Posted: Sunday, February 3, 2019 1:22 AM
Joined: 7/6/2014
Posts: 1351


The transition from wife (51 years, total ),  to caretaker ( 10+), to full time caretaker (24/7-- 4 years)  to widow ( 3 months)  has been a long one. 

I am getting used to living alone and being alone for the first time in  71 years of life..  The past 4 years, in particular have been both a  rough physical and mental  challenge.   Not only did I have to accept the fact that the man I have lived with for half a century  ceased to be but my role of spouse, wife and caretaker would also cease to be.

Recently I went to a new dentist.

I wondered  what box to check on the paperwork.  I can no longer check  married or single.  Mrs.-- still. Ms. Perhaps. SINGLE ... HELL no, how can one check the "single box " after that many years of being married to the same man???? There is no box to check that says WIDOW. 

IT JUST FEELS SO VERY WEIRD TO ME.

Dahlke (Cynthia)


Caring4two
Posted: Sunday, February 3, 2019 1:55 AM
Joined: 7/6/2014
Posts: 660


Anytime I encounter a box like that I cross thru “single” and write “widow”. And I’ll always be a Mrs. I was married a lot longer than I was single.
Jim Broede
Posted: Sunday, February 3, 2019 9:37 AM
Joined: 12/22/2011
Posts: 5462


Dahlke wrote:

The transition from wife (51 years, total ),  to caretaker ( 10+), to full time caretaker (24/7-- 4 years)  to widow ( 3 months)  has been a long one. 

I am getting used to living alone and being alone for the first time in  71 years of life..  The past 4 years, in particular have been both a  rough physical and mental  challenge.   Not only did I have to accept the fact that the man I have lived with for half a century  ceased to be but my role of spouse, wife and caretaker would also cease to be.

Recently I went to a new dentist.

I wondered  what box to check on the paperwork.  I can no longer check  married or single.  Mrs.-- still. Ms. Perhaps. SINGLE ... HELL no, how can one check the "single box " after that many years of being married to the same man???? There is no box to check that says WIDOW. 

IT JUST FEELS SO VERY WEIRD TO ME.

Dahlke (Cynthia)


I give everyone my calling/business card. That defines me as romantic idealist, spiritual free-thinker, political liberal, lover, dreamer, writer.  Also, I provide access to my daily blog. Called Broede’s Btoodings.. My email address, too. And phone number.  I have nothing to hide. And I’m well-defined. I know who and what I am. Have. For a long time. I suggest that after 71 years. You are much more than a widow. I’d discover that. Upon our first meeting. I’m curious. Always have been.  It’s so easy. Falling in love. With life. After Jeanne died. Of Alzheimer’s. After 38 years of marriage. I stumbled across Cristina. My delightful Italian amore. For 10 years now. Life was meant to be lived. I’m 83. What about you? I suggest that you find ways to savor life. And please tell me. Who and what you are? Don’t be shy. Give it some thought. Life ain’t over. Until it’s over. --Jim

 


jfkoc
Posted: Sunday, February 3, 2019 10:08 AM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 18972


I had to check out my information sheet last week. The word widow caused my pause. I do not see now my marital status, employment religion or race are relevant. 

My husband, who did not like defining terms,  would write any religion when he was filling out forms. Once he was admitted to the hospital and he signed in as Jewish. It happened to be during Passover and when the Rabbi came he brought with him a little Mogen David. I left the room. When the Rabbi left he laughing said  to me "he came clean...we had a good visit. 


MissHer
Posted: Sunday, February 3, 2019 10:36 AM
Joined: 11/13/2014
Posts: 2345


I was, once upon a time, a widow at 28. The reason I'm responding to this is because I enjoyed jkfoc comment. When doing the census last time, I put " human" under race.
Jim Broede
Posted: Sunday, February 3, 2019 12:33 PM
Joined: 12/22/2011
Posts: 5462


jfkoc wrote:

I had to check out my information sheet last week. The word widow caused my pause. I do not see now my marital status, employment religion or race are relevant. 

My husband, who did not like defining terms,  would write any religion when he was filling out forms. Once he was admitted to the hospital and he signed in as Jewish. It happened to be during Passover and when the Rabbi came he brought with him a little Mogen David. I left the room. When the Rabbi left he laughing said  to me "he came clean...we had a good visit. 


 

 
Everyone is allowed to define their own relevancy. Pity the poor soul who feels irrelevant. I became relevant the moment I became aware of my existence. In a fantastic though sometimes weird and absurd world. I'm still trying to figure it all out. Give me time. --Jim

 

 

 


Jim Broede
Posted: Monday, February 4, 2019 12:28 PM
Joined: 12/22/2011
Posts: 5462


Seems to me. That we are all in a constant state of transition. Almost a day to day thing. Doesn't bother me. If I am ever-changing. Don't want to be the same old guy. Variation. Is the spice of life. Routine. Routine. Routine. Can be boring. --Jim
chrisp1653
Posted: Monday, February 4, 2019 5:58 PM
Joined: 1/23/2017
Posts: 1219


On the other hand, Jim, sometimes routine is what keeps us from falling apart at the seams.
Jim Broede
Posted: Friday, February 8, 2019 9:44 PM
Joined: 12/22/2011
Posts: 5462


chrisp1653 wrote:
On the other hand, Jim, sometimes routine is what keeps us from falling apart at the seams.

I'm willing to take the risk. Of breaking from the routine.  Of course, the change may become routine. Eventually.  Maybe we are caught in a quagmire. --Jim