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Extremely frightening morning
lvcatlvr
Posted: Monday, September 16, 2019 2:45 PM
Joined: 5/7/2018
Posts: 157


l was awoken by my DH trying to kick in the door. I opened it and he grabbed me and starting pulling on me. He wouldn’t let go. He was back in the delusion that I was that stranger  trying to invade his house or whatever. When I tried to reason with him to get him to stop holding me down by telling him memories only the two of us would know, he called me a liar,shook me, and slapped me. The rage was horrifying. I finally got out of the house and called 911. They took him to the hospital. I am sitting here in the Er room. They will most likely not admit him. I want him put in a geriatric psych facility until his anti psychotic increased dose kicks in. I am so upset I can’t stop crying. I can’t afford memory care and I can’t live like this. I don’t know what to do. I am so scared
Rescue mom
Posted: Monday, September 16, 2019 3:15 PM
Joined: 10/12/2018
Posts: 1015


I am so sorry. It sounds terrifying, and definitely unsafe for you. You must do whatever you can to stay safe. Since he is such a threat, won’t somebody keep him? At this point, jail might not be so bad. Or a psych unit? This is serious beyond any other advice I could offer. Is there a place you can go and be away from him, if he gets out? You MUST protect yourself., even by filing charges that land him in jail. IIRC this has happened more than once. Self-protection is your priority now, until meds kick in at least. This is scary.
Twin Mom
Posted: Monday, September 16, 2019 9:07 PM
Joined: 12/9/2015
Posts: 328


I’m betting he is already released from the hospital.  If so, you should have been given the information for battered women shelters in your area... if not call the local police department in your area and get their number.   In my experience they have the knowledge and resources to help keep you safe.  There is no predicting what is around the next corner for you with his delusions.  As bad as jail may sound that may be your best and safest choice .. not only for you but for him.   I hate to say it,  but I speak from experience... just wish I could hit rewind in our scenario.

 


LadyTexan
Posted: Monday, September 16, 2019 9:36 PM
Joined: 12/21/2018
Posts: 206


That must have been terrifying.

I ditto the recommendation of contacting the women's shelters. The shelter I contacted when my DH was out of control was especially helpful, informative and comforting.

The shelter provided contacts that I used to get the help I needed.


Marabella
Posted: Monday, September 16, 2019 11:04 PM
Joined: 2/2/2019
Posts: 156


Ivcatlvr, I hope you are safe and your DH was admitted. Please update us.
lvcatlvr
Posted: Tuesday, September 17, 2019 12:14 AM
Joined: 5/7/2018
Posts: 157


Hello everyone. I am home safe. I was fortunate to have a sympathetic doctor at the ER who knew it wasn't safe for me to take him home in this state. In the past, they have just sent him home after a while. I talked with a case worker and a social worker is supposed to call me tomorrow. He was pretty calm by the late evening. He had some moments in the ER. They had to restrain him. I told them I wanted him put in a geri psych hospital until his increased meds kick in. The admitting doctor said he had sent out the proper feelers for this. I think it is done through the social worker. My husband has never been a violent man. It is the disease. He thinks I am someone out to hurt him. He was fine and mellow just the day before. I have no idea why he suddenly became like this. I reached out to his neurologist who said he can't do anything medically until he is released, as the hospital takes over and he has no control. But he also said I was to contact him immediately when he is released from where ever they send him We are fortunate to have a wonderful neurologist who truly seems to care.

Thank you all for your concern. I think I was in shock this morning when I wrote the original post.


Iris L.
Posted: Tuesday, September 17, 2019 12:45 AM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 16116


Check for UTI.

Iris L.


Mrs. O
Posted: Tuesday, September 17, 2019 1:03 AM
Joined: 8/1/2017
Posts: 298


(((lvcatlvr)))

There has to be SOMEWHERE that he can go through Medicaid. Are there any State Mental Hospital’s where you live?  I wish I had a solution for you, but I just don’t know. SOMEONE has got to help you!  


Katy sue
Posted: Tuesday, September 17, 2019 7:16 AM
Joined: 9/24/2016
Posts: 307


Someone will help you. Hopefully a good social worker. He does NOT need to go to jail! Do you have an elder lawyer in place? It is critical that you refuse to take him home. Stand your ground under all pressure. At some point, someone will pressure you. Stay strong. Keep repeating that he is violent, you are in danger and can no longer care for him. This exact situation happened to me. I could not afford memory care. Or care at home. Only option was to place. The hard part is that he has to medically qualify for a nursing home admittance. They have a list of requirements that a lawyer can share with you. This isn’t a do it yourself process. You need a lawyer period. I almost lost my mind when this was happening. It was a year ago this month that I took him to ER and got him admitted for 3 weeks to evaluate meds. Horrific doesn’t even describe it. Yes, they had to restrain him to the bed and finally found the right cocktail mix of drugs. Then he was sweet. But he had dipped into stage 7 during this time, and his ADLs were gone so he qualified for nursing home, Medicaid. It was actually a godsend. Even as the drugs worked I still could not take care of him by myself all day and leave my job losing income. He is twice my size. He is 63 years old. Final diagnosis before I left hospital was AD with lewey bodies. Iris has good advice to check for UTI. The hospital likely has done that.We had no UTI. It was all disease. Keep us in the loop. Prayers from me to you and yours.
Twin Mom
Posted: Tuesday, September 17, 2019 11:10 PM
Joined: 12/9/2015
Posts: 328


I am thrilled to hear the medical team heard you and was able to keep the both of you safe.  I am also glad to read that you clearly understand how wicked and unpredictable this disease can be even for those who have always been kind and truly mild mannered people.   Good luck in the coming days.
Crushed
Posted: Wednesday, September 18, 2019 1:40 AM
Joined: 2/2/2014
Posts: 4681


can you put your state of residence in your profile ?  also ages ?
lvcatlvr
Posted: Wednesday, September 18, 2019 1:56 AM
Joined: 5/7/2018
Posts: 157


Update: He is being transferred to a geri psych facility most likely tomorrow. I went to see him, in the regular hospital. He was so out of it. They shot him with haldol because he has been totally uncooperative. They have him restrained because whenever they think he is calm and they take them off, he won't go back into bed, and it gets physical. I have no idea how this happened out of the blue. He wouldn't let any of the nurses feed him (he can't do so with restraints)but I was able to get him to eat his entire dinner. I guess I wasn't the enemy of his delusion today. I feel so bad for him because I know he would be horrified if he knew he was doing this. Hopefully, the geri psychiatrist can figure out what to give him to get him under control. Thanks again for everyone's advice and concern.
Katy sue
Posted: Wednesday, September 18, 2019 6:49 AM
Joined: 9/24/2016
Posts: 307


Haldol is the hospital go to drug for control. It actually made my husband worse. The gerripsych is your lifeline. He will figure out the right combination. Your scenario was exactly my own one year ago tomorrow. It makes your heart burst to see your husband restrained to a bed. I had to tell myself to breathe , stay calm and focus on his safety as well as the safety of anyone around him. Your next biggest hurdle will be deciding if or how to place , and everything has to move lightening fast because they don’t leave you with much of a window of opportunity. Try to rest so you can make clear decisions. Encouraging you to enlist the help of a lawyer. You will both come out of this in a better state of mind. You never know how strong you are until you need to be just that strong.