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Home from the Hospital - Now What?
Beyond Sad
Posted: Sunday, August 18, 2019 8:46 AM
Joined: 4/1/2019
Posts: 48

I haven't been on here in a long time because I just brought my DH home from the hospital after a month's stay for surgery and then rehab.  He was horrible in both hospitals ... mean to the nurses, calling them names, swearing no one ever comes when he calls, yelling at them, and it goes on and on.  He'd call me day and night (when I wasn't there, which seemed like always!), complaining loudly!  The nurses could hear every word he said.  Very often, he'd yell at me and hang up on me after calling me all kinds of names.  The nurses were wonderful, giving me hugs and telling me they were all praying for me, etc.  They most likely had dealings with dementia patients in the past, but I think he was a really hard case!  While in the hospital, he constantly complained of headaches and begged for medicine (they had him on really strong pain killers because of the spinal fusion surgery).  I guess I should backtrack ... he fell back in June, hit his head, had seven staples in his head, and was hospitalized for three days.  Two weeks later, he got up without his walker and fell again.  This time he really messed up his already injured spine, which caused the surgery.  He has very little feeling in his hands and his fingers tingle all the time.  He can barely use his hands but the occupational therapist had him eating pretty good by himself before we left.  If I let him, he would have me feed him his meals but I know he can do it so I walk away and let him struggle with it.  That was the advice I was given.  He gets frustrated, but he can do it and does ... but not without a lot of complaints!  He constantly calls me to get him this, get him that, straighten his shorts, pull his shirt down, whatever!  I am about to lose my mind!  I have never hated hearing my name so much!  Last night, while I was in the other room, I caught him in the kitchen without his walker!  Another accident waiting to happen.  With his dementia, he just can't remember that he has to use it!  I don't know what to do.  I feel like I can't keep him safe no matter how hard I try!  Just last Friday, he was getting out of bed to go to the bathroom but before I could get around to his side of the bed, he slipped off the bed and we had to call 911 to put him back in bed.  Later that morning, he got up with the walker while I was in another room and fell.  Back to the emergency room.  Nothing broken, just really banged up ... but you see what I mean!  I can't sit on top of him every minute and now I have to stay with him ALL THE TIME!  I can't even go to the grocery without taking him with me and leaving him in the car while I "run and shop!"  Sorry this is so long, but I am at my wit's end!  Thanks for listening.
Posted: Sunday, August 18, 2019 8:53 AM
Joined: 4/2/2018
Posts: 2718

Sorry you're dealing with this. I hate to say this, but maybe it's time to think about placing him in a facility, at least for a while. It sounds like it would be best for both of you. You can only do so much. Best of luck to you.
Posted: Sunday, August 18, 2019 9:47 AM
Joined: 1/1/2015
Posts: 31

I think you’re in an impossible situation with his lack of memory and probability of his falling again. Is he staying in bed and sleeping at night? If so, perhaps you can arrange daytime assistance to help watch and steady him. My only other suggestion is that on your next visit to the hospital refuse to take him home citing that you cannot keep him safe there. Be sure all your legal paperwork is in order now.
Posted: Sunday, August 18, 2019 10:03 AM
Joined: 6/21/2019
Posts: 679

I agree with the others. He needs to be in a place where professionals can take care of him. They work in 8 hour shifts. Your shift is 24/7...

Everything you wrote says he is beyond your capability to handle him. Something in his brain has broken and he can not follow your instructions.

 His ability to empathize is also gone. That is why he treats you and the nurses so badly. You will not be able to get him to understand the pain he's causing you. And, you can't keep your eyes on him 24/7.

Posted: Sunday, August 18, 2019 10:21 AM
Joined: 6/20/2016
Posts: 2239

One person can’t handle this.  Place him.  No phone in room or cell phone.  I agree with grocery delivery, whatever makes your life easier.
Katy sue
Posted: Sunday, August 18, 2019 10:46 AM
Joined: 9/24/2016
Posts: 426

Hi Sad,

This is a difficult situation. I can empathize. You must be on high alert constantly and just crazy with anxiety anticipating the next fall and all the events that will follow. Hoping that you have reached the conclusion that you need extra extra layers of help. With either placement or home help, chances are great that he will indeed fall again unless another health issue compromises him to the point where he cannot walk. If I had a choice I would choose another health issue because he would be contained. I am facing very similar circumstances. DH is mid stage 7 and has AD/LBD combo. Walking is very stooped and shuffling. He has fallen several times with bumps and bruises. No walker, as he tries to climb it. No comprehension or understanding or logical speech. And he just keeps pacing. He was a wanderer, which was one reason for placement. Nothing will entertain him at this point. Legs are swollen and knees occasionally. He is on heavy antipsychotic meds and STILL paces. So scary. I just pray for an end.

My only advice would be to place your DH with the help of an elder care lawyer, or to seek home health aide and medication for behavior issues. The situation is not sustainable as it is now. We are concerned for your health and safety as well.  Best wishes and keep us informed. 

Posted: Sunday, August 18, 2019 10:59 AM
Joined: 8/10/2016
Posts: 2139

So sorry for what both of you are enduring.  Had a similar experience with my mom in March.  I had worked where she was in hospital at for 42 years.  She was very aggressive and loud.  Accused doctor and nurse of making her blood pressure up.  Kept reporting the doctor.  Had lived with her for 15 years.  Was having heart palpitations and stomach spasms.  Two years ago bought myself a different Ihome and let her live in my other one.  I no longer have either of those symptoms.  Seems like it is time to take care of yourself too which seems to be that he will need placed.
Posted: Sunday, August 18, 2019 12:44 PM
Joined: 6/12/2016
Posts: 983

Dear Beyond, I’m so sorry for you. Please take care of yourself. As difficult as it to take care of him, it might be time to place him. Have you looked at any homes yet? Are there any near you that you might consider? 

Sending you peace!