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I Love Him - Why Does He Ask All the Time?
DebbyR
Posted: Monday, May 20, 2019 6:28 AM
Joined: 4/1/2019
Posts: 32


Are any of you dealing with this?  My DH, who is a little more than three years into this disease, constantly says things like ... "Do you still love me?"  "Are you sorry you married me all those years ago?"  You don't love me anymore do you? I can tell."  The list goes on and on.  I assure him that I love him as much as ever, but truth be told, my romantic love is not what it was.  Do I love him?  Yes, I do but not because of who he is now ... I love him for who he was for all those other years when the disease was not there.  He is mean spirited now and clingy, which was never him.  He was so self confident and now he's just not.  I know the disease is robbing him of those things ... those things that I fell in love with 41+ years ago.  Will I stay with him forever?  Yes, because of that deep down love and because that is who I am.  He worries that I will leave him ... if his mind was working right, he would remember who I am inside and know that I never would.  I know there are no right answers, but I just woke up depressed (today is my Dad in heaven's birthday, so maybe that's where my mood comes from).  I just know I dread every single day and there is very little joy in my life.  My two cats ... yes, that is where my joy comes from these days, because they give me unconditional love.  Thanks for listening.  I need all of you so much.
Crushed
Posted: Monday, May 20, 2019 6:38 AM
Joined: 2/2/2014
Posts: 4334


for over 40 years I have told DW every single day that she is the best thing that ever happened to me. That is true even though I no longer feel "married" to her. (to me a marriage is a partnership, not a stamped  legal document YMMV) I know I am totally responsible for her health, welfare and happiness. Does she still"love " me ?   I don't know but it doesn't really matter.
Ed1937
Posted: Monday, May 20, 2019 9:24 AM
Joined: 4/2/2018
Posts: 1100


DebbyR wrote:
My DH, who is a little more than three years into this disease, constantly says things like ... "Do you still love me?"  "Are you sorry you married me all those years ago?"  You don't love me anymore do you? I can tell."  

I think what he "can tell" is that something is not right. You are his rock, and he needs constant reassurance that you will continue to be. 

 



DebbyR
Posted: Monday, May 20, 2019 10:39 AM
Joined: 4/1/2019
Posts: 32


I know you are right.  As hard as I try, I am just not the same person I was before his diagnosis.  Every day is a struggle.  I used to be a fun loving, happy, optimistic person but that is not me anymore.  I have no family here, no one to help with the burden of caring for someone who believes that nothing is at all wrong with him ... that it's all me.  As I have said before, I am failing ... failing big time ... and all I can do is pray for God to help me because there is no one else.
Sayra
Posted: Tuesday, May 21, 2019 4:14 AM
Joined: 8/10/2016
Posts: 1383


(((DebbyR)))   

 


Suzukipiano
Posted: Friday, May 24, 2019 7:49 PM
Joined: 7/14/2018
Posts: 3


I am experiencing the same thing!  The constant comments about Why I

Married him in the first place.  Am I going to leave him now, etc.

I just keep assuring him that I love him and I am not going anywhere.

I have hired our 22 year old Grandson to come in 4 evenings a

Week so I can still teach piano.  It is a pretty good situation most days.  

I am always looking for activities they could do together instead 

If only watching TV.  This does give me some much needed normalcy 

To my life for a few hours,  so thankful for the help.


Mrs. O
Posted: Saturday, May 25, 2019 2:29 AM
Joined: 8/1/2017
Posts: 174


Debby,   I am exactly in your shoes. This journey has brought out a side of me that I don’t like (defensive, impatient, etc.). Because DH’s difficulties are different every day, I am not able to be proactive... just reactive to whatever the day brings. I feel completely out of control.

You are NOT failing!......just learning as you go, just like the rest of us. If you are still standing, you have succeeded.