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A life full of dreams.
Jim Broede
Posted: Wednesday, August 16, 2017 12:31 PM
Joined: 12/22/2011
Posts: 5462


I lived in a nursing home. For 8 to 10 hours a day. For 38 months. Primarily to care for my sweet, beloved Jeanne.  But it was natural. For me. To branch out. To get to know everyone in the memory care unit. For which I am grateful.  It opened my eyes and mind.  To the world of dementia. It’s a different world. But still, a real world. For those who live in it. That’s what I tried to do. To understand their world. By entering it. To accept their notions. Their ways. Never did I tell them, ‘Come to your senses.  Enter my world. So that we can communicate.’ In some ways, I liked their world. Better than mine. The woman, for instance, who didn’t want to take her noon nap. Because she preferred to stay up. For an expected visit from her mother.  Yes, she was fantasizing. But it was real. In her mind. Wonderful. Wonderful, I thought. A precious moment. Awaiting such a visit. With pleasure. I told her that mother was out shopping. For a gift. A surprise. For her beautiful daughter. ‘Go to sleep,’ I said.  ‘She’ll be here when you awaken.’ Yes, the thought was as real as real could be. Anyway, with reassurance, she fell asleep. Peacefully. Maybe she went on an idyllic trip. With her mother. After all, nothing wrong. With a life full of dreams.  --Jim

 


julielarson
Posted: Wednesday, August 16, 2017 1:04 PM
Joined: 9/30/2015
Posts: 1155


Jim, how beautiful!
Eileen72
Posted: Wednesday, August 16, 2017 5:09 PM
Joined: 6/10/2017
Posts: 312


Oh Jim...I so agree...I have found some wonderful people in DH 's skilled nursing home. Leo..who asked if he could be my brother, of course he could.  Rose who is always looking for her husband..and I tell her he will be along in a bit and lets play a song on my iPad. Pina..who tells everyone to "shut up" ...and now we respond in a sing song manner " Pina is nice". And she sings along and is nice.   And Bea...wonderful Bea...93 years old ...she takes my hand and smiles...the biggest smile...and I hug her and she hugs me back. I didn't know I would find such gifts...in a nursing home.

Your post is wonderful!

 


chrisp1653
Posted: Wednesday, August 16, 2017 7:42 PM
Joined: 1/23/2017
Posts: 1219


So much beauty out there, and we would never see it if we didn't have something ugly happen in our own lives, which allows us to see the beauty in others. Ain't life just something great ? Jim and Eileen, how wonderful that you didn't close your eyes because of the pain in your hearts, but instead, kept them open. We can all learn from others, and I think the best lessons are taught by the ones society would throw away.
Eileen72
Posted: Wednesday, August 16, 2017 9:16 PM
Joined: 6/10/2017
Posts: 312


Oh Chris...the irony is these special people have helped in ways they don't know to help relieve some of my pain.  And they are my DH's friends...they deserve the best I can give.

Fondly, Eileen 


ladyzetta
Posted: Thursday, August 17, 2017 12:38 AM
Joined: 2/16/2017
Posts: 890


You grow so close to the residents in MC. I know all their names and I get lots of hugs. There are only 16 residents there but I love them all. I take out little dog so my DH can hold her while I am there, but she draws a crowd and everyone wants to pet her, she loves every minuet of the attention and it makes me feel so good that I am able to bring them happiness with this little dog. One of the ladies thinks she is a kitty and that's OK she loves this little kitty/dog. My little dog loves all the attention and they all love this little dog so its a win win. They have a few therapy dogs that come in but mine is there almost every other day so the residents pretty much know her. I love them all its like one big family. Hugs Zetta
llee08032
Posted: Thursday, August 17, 2017 7:50 AM
Joined: 5/20/2014
Posts: 4405


This sense of community and family is all so wonderful to hear. It is exactly what is needed and it's pretty awesome how family and home can be recreated practically anywhere. All you need is love.  I have a picture on my screened porch Zetta that reads "Home is Where the Dog Is." Jim, it's so important to join and meet the PWD where they are at at any given time and not try to change them or fix them. Eileen and Zetta I wish you many happy times with your new families. 
BlueSkies
Posted: Thursday, August 17, 2017 11:44 AM
Joined: 2/24/2016
Posts: 1096


Love reading this thread.  It shows how love is the key to connecting with others, dementia or not, but especially with dementia.  Bless all of you, who take the time to reach out to those in need.  Please keep posting such wonderful threads.  Reading threads like these, lift my spirits.  Thanks to all here for sharing.
llee08032
Posted: Friday, August 18, 2017 6:54 AM
Joined: 5/20/2014
Posts: 4405


Ahh, yes Blue, lifting up and uplifting needed. Lately I have been feeling just a little propped up against a leaning pole but musings and the lovely people here is helping. 
Eileen72
Posted: Friday, August 18, 2017 7:14 AM
Joined: 6/10/2017
Posts: 312


Llee, I too, am feeling a bit shaky.  All these moving parts, sometimes I feel lost in the kaleidoscope of life. What I wish and what is....two different things. But I continue to push forward...reaching for a firm footing. 

Maybe I did too much yesterday.  Today will be a busy day as well.  The solace for the home , as it once was, is what I yearn for...but without DH here...I just don't know.

So I will go to his new home...infuse myself in his life...find joy in him and our friends there...and hopefully walk away once again assured he is well attended to.

When a person gives up the day to day caregiving, turns it over to others, it is a heart wrenching task. 

One would think it would be easier but it isn't.

This is just where I am now. A wise person told me "It is ok to be not ok"

Fondly, Eileen 




llee08032
Posted: Saturday, August 19, 2017 8:27 AM
Joined: 5/20/2014
Posts: 4405


It is okay to not be okay, Eileen and it just is what it is until we get better with it or not. I was a young widow when my DH died at the age of 38. I know what it's like to long for and miss the love of your life. I thought I was going to die. Some how by the Grace of God I got through it. I think it made me a better person and I think it is through the deepest of pain that we grow. A dear wise friend on the Y/O board recently taught me to forgive myself quickly this concept has helped me tremendously! Love & Hugs ((((((Eileen))))))
Jim Broede
Posted: Saturday, August 19, 2017 10:19 AM
Joined: 12/22/2011
Posts: 5462


When Jeanne went into the nursing home. For the last 38 months of her life. I became a better care-giver. I became the chief care-giver. On the team. I was there daily. Rested and raring to go. Because I was there only 8 to 10 hours daily. Not 24 hours. I had so-called working hours. And off-time hours. But I was there. For Jeanne’s most functional part of the day. And I wisely supplemented the nursing home care. My way. For Jeanne’s benefit. Daily excursions. Out of doors. In her custom-made wheelchair. Being hand-fed. By me. In the quiet privacy of her room. Instead of the congregate dining area. I gave her a nightly shower. And a bedtime massage. I intervened. If I thought a nursing aide wasn’t caring and diligent enough.  I took over. On behalf of Jeanne. I saw to it that Jeanne got first-class treatment. First-class care. First-class everything possible.  I was Jeanne’s on-the-scene advocate and protector. There to see that she got the best of care. From everyone on the team. That became my approach to care-giving. It worked for me. And for Jeanne.  For everyone that mattered. --Jim

 


ladyzetta
Posted: Saturday, August 19, 2017 10:07 PM
Joined: 2/16/2017
Posts: 890


Jim,  that was very sweet and Jeanne was very lucky to have you there for her. You sound like you were a wonderful caregiver and a very caring person. Hugs to all my friends on this Board, Zetta
Jim Broede
Posted: Thursday, August 24, 2017 12:07 PM
Joined: 12/22/2011
Posts: 5462


A world full of dreamers. That's my definition of Paradise. --Jim
Jim Broede
Posted: Tuesday, December 12, 2017 5:29 PM
Joined: 12/22/2011
Posts: 5462


This is one of my favorite threads. Makes life worthwhile. Knowing that loves prevails. In the end. --Jim
chrisp1653
Posted: Tuesday, December 12, 2017 8:32 PM
Joined: 1/23/2017
Posts: 1219


Yep Jim. I'm with you. Love does prevail in the end, but it sure does seem like there's a briar patch in between sometimes, you know ?

 


ladyzetta
Posted: Tuesday, December 12, 2017 10:23 PM
Joined: 2/16/2017
Posts: 890


Your correct Jim, this was and is a very beautiful thread. I would love to see more threads like this. A lot of us are still out here but we don't speak up much anymore as for me I don't see and feel the love in some of these threads like I used too. Hugs to All, Zetta