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Alone with Myself, Someone I Have not Had to Spend Time With
sharon11daugherty
Posted: Saturday, June 11, 2016 3:55 PM
Joined: 8/6/2015
Posts: 1736


You'd be proud Jim. I have someone coming a couple times a week. She needs the money and I need the help. Every day comes and goes so quickly. I am so glad you will be able to get away and enjoy yourself. L0 could not be easier to care for. I am so pleased. He is in a wonderful place right now.  Anxiousness occurs in late afternoon, His eating is good, although, like most his weight loss continues.  We are enjoying golf this afternoon. He does not like to travel anymore. Sleeping continues, but not as much as before.  Blessings, sharon
just exhibit Love
Posted: Thursday, July 14, 2016 5:47 PM
Joined: 12/6/2011
Posts: 681


Sharon

Your posts make me smile and remember my moments of caregiving and doing my best to care for the woman my husband calls mom..your loved one is so blessed to be loved by you..take care of you in this journey my friend and know your words of wisdom you share here on this message board are cherished and understood by those who come to this place where we share our thoughts and feelings and give to each other what we can to be at peace with love in our hearts.. to someone that needs and deserves it most.

Namaste

Love Rosie


sharon11daugherty
Posted: Thursday, August 4, 2016 12:16 PM
Joined: 8/6/2015
Posts: 1736


Thanks for the lovely note, Rosie. 

I happened to stop by here today... I thought I would have to hunt down my post.  Wasn't hard at all., thanks to you.The days and weeks go by so quickly. Each day a different adventure. Trying to juggle summer outside work and inside chores in between moments of sitting on the bed next to LO trying to keep occupied.  The silence is becoming comfortable to me. I know it is comforting to him. No problems, No worries.  I was again reminded this morning of the gift it is to like a bird, leave all worries to God, food , housing, clothing and even the electric bill I want to stress over needlessly.   I will try to post what I read.

 


sharon11daugherty
Posted: Thursday, August 4, 2016 12:27 PM
Joined: 8/6/2015
Posts: 1736


My morning encouragement.
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sharon11daugherty
Posted: Sunday, November 6, 2016 7:08 PM
Joined: 8/6/2015
Posts: 1736


It has been awhile since I have checked in. Since I want this for my record keeping I will share what has been going on at our house. 

LO continues to be peaceful and content. We read together in the morning and pray for our day and then he is off to dreamland until about noon. He is awake all afternoon into the evening now. Wants his sleeping pill about seven.  He has been obsessing of watching me play Gin Rummy. Funny thing is, I am so competitive it is not as relaxing as it should be.  Silly me.   I am good for an hour or so about three times a day..then I am done. He no longer enjoys watching anything on the television. No, not even his beloved golf.  I am the entertainment. His eating is good, small amounts at each meal. He often dribbles from his nose or mouth while eating. Complete loss of manners of letting gas anytime, no thought of waiting to eat, just jumps right in.    I have entertained myself in the evenings very will with Utube Hallmark movies with my earphones... Bathroom skills remain as they were. No falls or pressing his emergency button.  Our children are as attentive as they were when his health was good... which is  ....not much./ Funny we always think they may be around at times like this.  I am grateful I have so many, as the two that are at home are a source of continual comfort, so that I am not too lonely.   So thankful that God has filled our lives with wonderful friends that care and stop by.   I am so grateful to be able to be here, I feel it is a gift.  I have found that I have some clogged artery that needs fixing soon, but that is an in and out procedure now days. In light of my BP incident in May of 245 for a week. I am a miracle, The fact that I have this clog and I did not stroke out is a miracle. This is gifted time I am on so precious is every day.     Blessings, sharon

 


MPSunshine
Posted: Monday, November 7, 2016 4:36 AM
Joined: 5/21/2016
Posts: 1992


Hi, Sharon, I just wanted to let you know I'm enjoying reading your writing about your life. Nadine
Jim Broede
Posted: Monday, November 7, 2016 9:00 AM
Joined: 12/22/2011
Posts: 5462


Get that clogged artery fixed, dear Sharon. Pronto. I want you around. For a long, long time. So you can stay in love. With life.  You’ll be in and out. In a day or two. --Jim

 


Jim Broede
Posted: Monday, November 7, 2016 9:16 AM
Joined: 12/22/2011
Posts: 5462


Maybe I am wrong. But I sense, Sharon, that you are a little bit glum. Beneath the surface.  Wish I could help. Wish I could find the words. To buoy your spirit. Just want you to know. That I care.  Don’t give up. Life will get better. Keep the faith. --Jim

 


sharon11daugherty
Posted: Monday, November 14, 2016 6:54 PM
Joined: 8/6/2015
Posts: 1736


Dear Jim and Nadine, thanks for the notes. 

My test was rescheduled till tomorrow at 6am.   Thanks for you thoughts and concern Jim.  Things at home have been up and down with LO anxiousness.  I guess it is only natural that I go up and down as well.   I am not used to being bothered by little things, but I am hoping they will be able to fix me up, good as old...... can't say new at this time in my life. 

I will let you know as I do....  This is like   "As the World turns"!!!   by the way, I hope you saw the beautiful moon!     Blessings, sharon

 

 


Jim Broede
Posted: Thursday, November 24, 2016 10:06 PM
Joined: 12/22/2011
Posts: 5462


Renewal is a delightful part of life, Sharon. Go. Go. Go. On your way to renewal, to rejuvenation. --Jim
Jim Broede
Posted: Tuesday, November 29, 2016 2:16 PM
Joined: 12/22/2011
Posts: 5462


Sometimes that's all it takes to savor life, Sharon. A beautiful moon. Twinkling stars. A rising sun. Chirping birds. A balmy breeze. Take your choice. As you breathe the fresh air. And proclaim that you are in love. With life. --Jim
MPSunshine
Posted: Wednesday, November 30, 2016 5:21 AM
Joined: 5/21/2016
Posts: 1992


Hi, Sharon, I hope the clog was fixed and you are back to 100 percent! Nadine
sharon11daugherty
Posted: Friday, December 2, 2016 12:43 AM
Joined: 8/6/2015
Posts: 1736


Winter has rushed in, the lights are up for Christmas and the the Cards have been sent. All much loved things for me.  So much time to do them this year.  

  The Clog? 90%  and it will be worked on when it gets on the schedule. So till then I am good. Thanksgiving like other holidays was made simple by going out the day before and getting each persons favorite food!   I love to cook, but each wanted something else.  I am flexible.  It was wonderful.    

LO at this point continues as before. Little control over a dripping nose or saliva. No interest in the TV, pool table, sports.   Things are changing but they are calm.    I am so glad about that.  The shadowing is constant again.  I feel like I am wearing him out, as I go about the simplest of daily chores.  There is no napping, although constant retreats to bed. As soon as he is there, if I do not follow, he is up again.    This is so different from the 21 hours of sleeping that used to happen last year.   It has been good to keep this 'log'.   

I gave his golf clubs away yesterday to his cousin, who is as tall as he.  I did it sneaky, but I didn't want him to feel the loss.  I doubt if he will even notice they are gone, but I agonized over it. The cousin said he felt 'weird', I told him if I waited until a death, it would be much worse. LO's clubs were his treasure, he loved golf.     Blessings to any who read. sharon


Jim Broede
Posted: Friday, December 2, 2016 7:25 AM
Joined: 12/22/2011
Posts: 5462


Time to make yourself the most important one, Sharon. Please, don’t put off caring for yourself. Look at it this way. We all deserve to have you around for a long, long time. Do it as a favor. For us. --Jim

 


sharon11daugherty
Posted: Monday, January 30, 2017 6:29 PM
Joined: 8/6/2015
Posts: 1736


Well, It has been about a month or so since I have been here. Since then, I have had my Carotid Artery cleaned out, the 4 inch scar is disappearing so quickly into my neck wrinkle. Maybe this part of aging is going to be fun.    I am feeling so much better. My endurance has improved so much, today I went out and did lots of yard work, I took my son and his unemployed  friend up on their offer to earn some money.  LO was sleeping this morning, which has not been normal for him, I took full advantage of it. 

Jim, I hope you, too, are well. Thanks for the nice notes. 

I have been able to do many things outside of home as there is now someone here besides me during the day.   I am taking full advantage of having grown children at home. 

My sweet 100 yr old friend, that I used to care for is probably soon to leave this  world. She has gotten so frail and not as perky as the last 5 years. I still enjoy spending time with her.  I stop and visit her now. Before she used to park in my driveway and I would go out and visit with her there, as LO did not like my attention being elsewhere. 

We play Gin Rummy, probably 4 hours during the day. LO is able to win quite a bit more than when we first started , about 2 months ago.  It is nice to do something we used to enjoy.  I called and canceled the Cable TV  today. No since, as we are no longer watching it. 

This is a wonderful world without TV, Newspapers and radio.  I love listening to KLOVE,nothing else.   My world is peaceful and tending to LO. My evenings after he is asleep are filled with reading, phone calls and Hallmark movies on Utube.   I guess I sound selfish. Although, I do pray for our country, leaders and those that I have been able to have as faithful friends and family. Blessings to all of you that are in the same boat as I. This is going on the 3rd year of being alone with myself, someone I have come to cater to quite a bit!!!!   sharon


Andy59
Posted: Tuesday, January 31, 2017 5:01 PM
Joined: 12/30/2016
Posts: 75


I read this entire thread, very moving. You seem to have a very special bond with your husband.

We also enjoy KLOVE or any other Christian music.

God Bless you and your family.


sharon11daugherty
Posted: Tuesday, January 31, 2017 6:36 PM
Joined: 8/6/2015
Posts: 1736


Thanks Andy,  I hope it encouraged you. That is my desire as I write it.

Andy is my 43 year old sons' name.  A friend already. 

  I see you are new, is it your wife that is not well?  She is beautiful by the way,if that is her in the picture. 


Andy59
Posted: Wednesday, February 1, 2017 3:44 AM
Joined: 12/30/2016
Posts: 75


No, it's me. I was diagnosed  MCI last year, and it has been progressing for the last few years.

Yes, that is my wife and I in the picture.

My wife also read your entire thread and really loved it!


MPSunshine
Posted: Wednesday, February 1, 2017 8:06 AM
Joined: 5/21/2016
Posts: 1992


Sharon, It's good to read that all was well with your operation and recuperation. I very much liked your idea of turning off the news, radio and newspapers for a spell. This action certainly helps one re-center. Nadine aka mpsunshine
sharon11daugherty
Posted: Thursday, February 2, 2017 1:40 PM
Joined: 8/6/2015
Posts: 1736


Thanks for the notes.  Andy, I don't know if your wife has time for this type of encouragement, or if she needs it now and then.  The Spouse Caregiver section is wonderful, my favorite and the only thread I try to stay in is    'Just between friends'.  It has been going on for about 8 years I think. The women have been there done that, caring for spouses and also now alone.  It is so encouraging to me to get help and support when I need it.     Many from all over the country and down under.   

Sunshine, what a difference in a day not to be thinking on things that have nothing to do with me or what I need.   TV and commercials do that  so well.  Making us feel less than.   I am not overwhelmed with anything, no pressure to do any one thing each day. Just what needs to be done and a little of what I want to do.   Yardwork yesterday. Today 28 degrees....no yard work!


Andy59
Posted: Friday, February 3, 2017 3:04 AM
Joined: 12/30/2016
Posts: 75


Thanks Sharon, she has been reading many posts from the spouse caregiver section. She also reads from all the sections on this forum as she wants to be as best prepared and knowledgeable as one can be.
sharon11daugherty
Posted: Sunday, February 5, 2017 8:12 AM
Joined: 8/6/2015
Posts: 1736


Today is Sunday and I just felt I needed to share this, it is my hope that it becomes a daily habit with you.  I know it is the reason for my success in this journey.

Every morning before my LO wakes up I sit in bed with my cup of coffee, no distractions, yes, many of them do present themselves;   I begin with what the Bible calls the Full Armor . It is written about in Paul's letter to the Ephesians.    This talks about the Spiritual Battle that takes place. Every day is a Spiritual Battle in my LO's mind.  

I begin at his head.   I pray for the Helmet of Salvation, I ask God to cover his thoughts with the overflowing thoughts of whose he is in Christ. I pray for his attitude, his contentment, his ability  to  feel safe and secure today.

I pray for the Shield of Faith, I pray that his entire body will be protected from everything coming his way. In olden days the Shield was as big as a door. This is what I ask for. No tripping, sure footedness and safety.  No doubts about today, his security or that of his family.  I want this shield to be the first line of defense for him.

Belt of Truth is next.   I pray that he will know that each thing I do comes from my heart and not to be a pest about things. His cleanliness, teeth, hair and dress was always a priority. Now it is a problem. "I just did that" is his common sentence.

The Sword of the Spirit next I ask God to Guard his mind with everything available. I pray that the words he has read over the years will come back to him.  As I read aloud to him each morning I pray that he will be able to absorb how wide and deep his faith carries him through this.

Breast Plate of Righteousness  I pray covers his heart, that he will not see the part of me that might be sad or frustrated with him.  I pray he will just feel the love in each moment as I try to do 'Gods' best" for him, not my own, as it is pretty pitiful.  I pray that he will be protected from thoughts of the future, I pray that he will be content in today, that he will know that I am doing things that need to be done for us. That he will feel confident that I am taking care of things the way he used to. This is new for him as he always took care of money matters and things about the house.I pray he understands my need to be out in the world for a bit each day and have fellowship with others.

The last is the  Gospel of Peace it covers  his steps, his mind and all parts to be the example to others with his contentment.  

As I pray this I am assured that today will be a great day to have a great day. We cannot change this journey, but I can daily change my attitude about it.  To have him beside me, breathing, warm and feeling cared about is enough.  So today, as I go to worship, I am praising God for the opportunity to pray for him and be encouraged by others in simple ways. Not being the 'poor wife' but instead  the Warrior Woman, that has learned how to really care for her mate.  

This is the second year of him not leaving the house except for an appointment every 5 months.


Andy59
Posted: Sunday, February 5, 2017 8:55 AM
Joined: 12/30/2016
Posts: 75


Very moving post. My bible study group just finished a study on Ephesians.

Rest assured, your loved one may someday forget who Jesus is, but Jesus will never forget who your husband is, and that he is His child.

I have told my wife if I do progress to the point of where I'm not sure what's going on around me, the words written in the Bible, which were inspired by the Holy Spirit, when read out loud to me, will always bring me great comfort.

Nothing you can do is more powerful than praying for your husband, and for you to have the strength to continue on. Remember:

Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.


Jim Broede
Posted: Sunday, February 5, 2017 10:45 AM
Joined: 12/22/2011
Posts: 5462


I think we are all on the same journey, Sharon and Andy. To the spiritual realm, that is. We may be taking different routes. But ultimately, we’ll end up in the same vast realm.  Where there is room for everyone. Hard for me to fathom. That anyone would be excluded. Even atheists. What I admire and respect about both of you. Is your deep and probing faith.  And your senses of human decency. I see us as friends. Sticking up for each other. We are not adversaries. We sincerely wish each other the best. That’s true friendship. --Jim
MPSunshine
Posted: Thursday, February 9, 2017 1:16 PM
Joined: 5/21/2016
Posts: 1992


Sharon, your writing is beautiful and I enjoy reading your thinking. Nadine
sharon11daugherty
Posted: Thursday, February 9, 2017 6:15 PM
Joined: 8/6/2015
Posts: 1736


I have always loved to write, but never had much time...Now I have so much time and not much to write about.    Life is funny that way.  I am so grateful for this site that gives us the opportunity  to share whatever we please with others who are caught in a similar pattern of life.

Change...Loss....Reality of what you have and who you can depend on... These are very hard issues. Thanks for stopping by my new neighborhood.     My neighbors now drive by and wave...I think they think they might catch something...  Blessings, sharon


just exhibit Love
Posted: Monday, February 13, 2017 12:17 PM
Joined: 12/6/2011
Posts: 681


Sharon

I  love to read your posts..your wise words make me smile..when I read them..Thank You my friend and know I appreciate your thoughts and feelings.

Namaste

Love Rosie


Iris L.
Posted: Monday, February 13, 2017 3:10 PM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 16608


Thank you for the reminder about our protection in the letter to the Ephesians, Sharon.  I appreciate what you wrote regarding yourself and your husband.

 

Iris L.
MPSunshine
Posted: Thursday, February 16, 2017 6:47 AM
Joined: 5/21/2016
Posts: 1992


Hi, Sharon, Just me saying hello and hoping you have a fine day! Nadine
sharon11daugherty
Posted: Thursday, February 16, 2017 6:11 PM
Joined: 8/6/2015
Posts: 1736


Always nice to check here and see notes. 

Things at my house continue the same. LO is content and remains easy to care for . The bathrooms on the other hand. An everyday task.  I keep reminding myself that this is 'light and momentary' as it says on my bathroom mirror.   I know the months will go by swiftly and I will remember these times of 'every day the same' as good.  I do cherish the  calm, the ability to sneak out and do fun things a couple times a day.  My son is still needing extra money, so he has been working here often and allows me freedom, while he works outside.  Blessings, sharon


MPSunshine
Posted: Saturday, February 18, 2017 9:44 AM
Joined: 5/21/2016
Posts: 1992


I very much like your phrase, Sharon, "light and momentary." It reminds me of my mantra when I was going through the most difficult times of "this too is temporary," but I like your "light and momentary" better and so will throw out "this too is temporary" and replace it with "light and momentary." Or maybe I will just keep both. Hoarding, I know! I hope you have a nice day!
sharon11daugherty
Posted: Saturday, February 18, 2017 8:25 PM
Joined: 8/6/2015
Posts: 1736


I cannot take credit:  God said it!

 

Do not lose heart

Though outwardly we are wasting away

Yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day

Our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us

An eternal Glory that far outweighs them all.     2 Corinthians 4:16

I memorized it and have it on my bathroom mirror. It is the living word and because of that, every day I can know, this is 'light and momentary", not a prison, not a problem, not a worry because I have this promise.    Blessings, sharon


sharon11daugherty
Posted: Friday, February 24, 2017 12:27 PM
Joined: 8/6/2015
Posts: 1736


I found this prayer in a book about Mother Teresa. It was written by Cardinal Newman. It was a prayer she usually lead each morning. 

Dear Jesus,  help us to spread Your fragrance everywhere we go. 

Flood our souls with Your Spirit and Life.

Penetrate and possess our whole being, so utterly that our lives may 

only be a radiance of Yours.

Shine through us, and be so in us that every soul we come in contact with

may feel Your presence in our soul.

Let them look up and see no longer us but only Jesus!

Stay with us, and then we shall begin to shine as you shine;

so to shine as to be a light to others; the light,O Jesus, will be all from You,

None of it will be ours;

it will be You, shining on others through us. 

Let us thus praise You in the way You love best by shining on those around us.

Let us proclaim You without preaching not by words but by our example, by the catching force,   the sympathetic influence of what we do,

the evident fullness of the love our hearts bear to You. Amen

I have been reciting this with LO each day for the last month.  We are better because of it and the  tenderness it evokes in us. 

Hope you enjoy it as well.  Blessings, sharon


sharon11daugherty
Posted: Monday, February 27, 2017 11:55 AM
Joined: 8/6/2015
Posts: 1736


I have been struggling lately with something.  I know I am not alone in this, so I thought I would write about it.

It is the language that people are using today, as if it is 'normal'.   I say this because in my world I like kind, sweet encouraging words.  Anger can happen, but the words are communication that can be understood by a 5 year old or an 100 year old.

   I remember a time as a young woman in San Francisco, I had a poster on the inside of my front door with a topless Daisy Duck that read   "....  Housework".  I was 20. By the time I married and started a family, those words stopped coming out of my mouth, I knew it was not right. I wanted to set a good example for those I was raising.  I don't see this today.  I am so saddened and sort of  crushed as my children , away from me, us these words, as do their friends, so flippantly .  They are raising their own children now and what a household!   I am not judging, I am just imagining how I would feel if words like R movies were an everyday part of my family life.  

Recently on Facebook, I have experienced the same thing. I have been around many young people in my life , Majority now are about 30ish, raising their families and these  'raw' words are said daily in communicating to their friends and family.   I know I can hide and delete, but I have been asking God  what is the right thing to do.

Well as you know from my previous post, I am reading this book about Mother Teresa. 

In it she states, after walking through a brothel she wishes to buy for a home for orphans,"We have to be like tubes",  "It is not at all important whether these tubes are made of gold, silver or plastic, the important thing is that they let everything through."  She once said to her sisters, " You and I, we are nothing, and in this we see the terrible humility of God. He is so wonderful, that He uses nothingness to show His greatness. And that is why He uses us. Like tubes, we must simply allow Gods' grace to come through."

Interesting for me to weigh my judgement with God's Grace.  I suppose I know which way the scale would tilt. Do I have a responsibility to say something? to be silent?  This might seem so insignificant to some, but to me it is an issue .   Today, I met a man at Lowes, We were talking about Europe and he said  " You know how those Danish are about rules".    Well, I am part Danish. Maybe that is why I make rules for myself and those I love!

Blessings, sharon

 


Jim Broede
Posted: Monday, February 27, 2017 3:24 PM
Joined: 12/22/2011
Posts: 5462


The Danes may be the most decent and civilized people in the world. You are lucky, Sharon, to have Danish blood in you. I'd love to live in Denmark. --Jim