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Alone with Myself, Someone I Have not Had to Spend Time With
SallyL
Posted: Monday, February 27, 2017 3:31 PM
Joined: 6/13/2016
Posts: 41


Oh, Sharon,

What a beautiful musing.  I have seen your posts on the forums, but this is the first time I have found the 'Musings' section. I'm so glad I did. 

Yes, it's lonely, isn't it? Reading your musing helped me feel a little connected, so I thank you for that.

I'm new here -- this is my first post. Husband Arthur was dx in October of 2015. I can be home with him, so we are grateful,

Best,

Sally


sharon11daugherty
Posted: Monday, February 27, 2017 4:38 PM
Joined: 8/6/2015
Posts: 1736


Nice to meet you! Where are you from? This is a great place to come with nothing new, nothing to stress over, nothing that someone else cannot live without, But something to you.  Thanks for your note. One never knows who is stopping by, but it is always nice to meet a friend in this journey.

Blessings, sharon


Jim Broede
Posted: Tuesday, February 28, 2017 6:26 PM
Joined: 12/22/2011
Posts: 5462


It’s so nice to come to musings. And especially to Sharon’s jaunty thread. For a stress-free respite. That’s what we emphasize here. A break from the emotional trauma that comes with daily care-giving. As for me, I’m here to show that there’s life after the Alzheimer’s care-giving experience. Good life. Joyful life. Give it time. Keep the faith. Sharon sets a good example for all of us. She knows how to savor life. And to exude good vibes. That’s what we all need. Good vibes. --Jim


MPSunshine
Posted: Wednesday, March 1, 2017 5:53 AM
Joined: 5/21/2016
Posts: 1992


Hi, Sharon, I love reading your thread and keeping up with your news!
sharon11daugherty
Posted: Wednesday, March 1, 2017 9:11 PM
Joined: 8/6/2015
Posts: 1736


Well Jim, I have had time to look up the word   J a u n t y.

For any of you that might be like me, and need a little dictionary help with words now and then.

 Jaunty means  to be self confident, cheerful, brisk....it is a French word. 

I liked that word.  I like to think of myself as confident, but I am one that has always needed lots of Validation. That is why I like giving it so much.   I have had so much time lately that I have been dancing all over these threads. Probably seem like a busy body, if anyone was judging.  

LO is just wanting me to sit beside him and this is something I can do to please him and me. So until the Connected Police tell me to limit my words here they are. 

My LO used to be a golfer. A spectacular one really.  Today he was walking around in his black socks like he does every day.  I noticed a hole in the heel of the sock.

     I said " Hey Honey , you have a hole in one today!"    He looked at me oddly.  I said   "You have a hole in one sock, the left one"!      We both had a good laugh.     

Blessings, sharon

 


sharon11daugherty
Posted: Saturday, March 4, 2017 5:54 PM
Joined: 8/6/2015
Posts: 1736


This morning LO awoke with a startle as I got out of bed and looked at him.

I asked him if he was okay....he just looked at me strangely.  Did he expect to see the woman he married 44 years ago?  Did he know who I was?  Was he so taken with my morning beauty that he was speechless?

After about 10 minutes he smiled.

I wrote this on the Friends thread... but repeated it here, because this was a first. Just like all the firsts with this journey, I want it written here for me. Reality check. Things are changing and I want to be ready to accept them graciously.

Blessings, sharon


sharon11daugherty
Posted: Friday, March 10, 2017 1:17 PM
Joined: 8/6/2015
Posts: 1736


My friend, who has a company that supplies many things for Autistic children called me today to let me know she was asked by a children's museum to go in and make suggestions for a children's area that was 'friendly and peaceful' to   ALL  children.  This stirred many memories and I have been thinking about it all day.  

My son with special needs, primarily Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, a physical and mental condition,that diminishes the brain process and affects his entire muscular system and head size. We adopted him when he was 1 month old.  In the beginning all advances in a physical nature were very slow. He walked when he was 2 and speech came when he was three.  Once he started moving, it never stopped.  A doctor once described his activity like a flea in one report.  He could not stay focused on anything for more than about 2 minutes.  I had 'a ' good friend with a home that we could safely go to.  One..., my son's constant runny nose, weird activities and wandering ability limited us.... In fact, besides home and the church park, that was small and fenced in ,we had no other escape for excitement.  My good friend had to leave our city and I was so isolated until I found this place called "The Jungle".  It was a building completely enclosed filled with young adult workers that patrolled the massive tunnel feature, ball pools, climbing toys, trampolines.  It had tables and chairs situated all around this jungle themed gigantic space.  Once I got over the fact that' the jungle 'was the only place that welcomed me and my son, I grew to love it. I could sit and read, i met friends there, I even did my Christmas notes there.  I was in my happy place knowing my son could jump, climb, run, sit and do anything he pleased for a couple hours.  Of course, I couldn't watch him every minute but others could.  Or so I thought.   One day one of the young people came up to me and asked if I was Daniels mother.  I admitted I was. Then he presented me with a bill from the Cafe. Daniel had not known things had to be purchased... They were just sitting on the counter, so he felt like he was home and would pick up an apple or a muffin at will.  It was over $30... The worker told me Daniel 'Should have known".... ..There are not allowances in life for one who 'should have known'. Our prisons are full and a good example of that.   

As I encounter my daily life now, again I am isolated and confined to a space. I am so glad that I learned early how to survive with myself. Blessings, sharon


MPSunshine
Posted: Friday, March 17, 2017 8:12 AM
Joined: 5/21/2016
Posts: 1992


Hi, Sharon, Your passage about your son resonated with me. You found a place, a sort of nirvana for your son and where you also could have your needs met, the jungle. What a lovely world where one can just take the muffin on the counter with no worries and climb and play to the fullest. Such a lovely memory, aside from the "should have known" spoiling the experience at the end. 

When I had a bad dream, my husband used to tell me, "If you can remember your dream then you can change the ending." This way I could re-write my nightmare into a dream with a happy ending, because that is something we can do with our consciousness. Powerful stuff. 

You are isolated and confined to a space. Is there a window there? Are the walls made of thin plaster that can be broken through? Is there a ray of light from above? Are there friends?


sharon11daugherty
Posted: Wednesday, June 7, 2017 1:33 PM
Joined: 8/6/2015
Posts: 1736


Well, it has been awhile since I have written. That means that things were pretty much stabilized and unchanging for us.

June has a different story.   First of all I have my son home with me now. This has been helpful, for conversation, yard help and hubby help. 

The changes that have happened...no speech...no appetite...incontinent...fear of being alone...anxiety over the top...weight loss and un steadiness . Using a walker when thinks about it.

Enough for Hospice.

 

Our most helpful drug for anxiety has been Ativan 2mg as needed every 2 hours.  Ice cream is the preferred food.  He sleeps well after 8pm. Wakes at 8 am.

This is a profound mercy and blessing for me.  I am one that can do very well in any circumstance if I am rested. Giving Glory to God is a daily if not hourly habit of mine. I am not alone in this, as He has shone me time and time again.

Hubby is content and peaceful. No anger at all. He wants me in the same room as he is, which is becoming easier as I am reading and writing more. As the TV and radio are absent from our lives for the past year, life is  extra peaceful. As I remember times when we were alone on trips, they were ones we cherish. Kind of like now. After years of Lupus, atrial fib, heart issues, depression. and all the meds that go  with them. We are done.  No meds except for comfort. I was looking forward to this part of the journey. How can 15 medicine's know where to go? Do they meet and greet along the way to determine which side effect will occur?     I have watched just about every Hallmark movie th a t has been made on utube!  I love ear phones!  Good headset is next on my list!

Hubby has been entertained by 7card stud on line as I play!  I tell him daily how many thousands I have won or lost. All imaginary computer money of course.

We used to play Gin Tummy. That stopped about 2 months ago.

Our  granddaughter was married last week. He could not allow people to see him so frail, a almost 50 pounds down from his always in shape frame. I was happy I found a sitter on fast notice so I  could attend.  Another Mercy.  His indecision about going, on the day of the wedding was almost causing heart attack symptoms. I decided for him.

Blue Skies on Musing ...check out Sundowning.   So insightful. It is often easy to feel like I am t he victim in this journey. She knows how to put me in my place, no pity party for me.

Blessing, sharon

 

 

 

 


BlueSkies
Posted: Saturday, June 10, 2017 10:21 PM
Joined: 2/24/2016
Posts: 1096


Sharon, 

I am thinking about you and your DH during this stage in your journey.  I know you are handling it well with God in your corner, but I wanted you to know you are both thought of and prayed for.  

Sending you lots of love...

BlueSkies


sharon11daugherty
Posted: Sunday, June 11, 2017 12:39 AM
Joined: 8/6/2015
Posts: 1736


How sweet to read your note as I drift off to sleep. You are becoming the sweetest of  friends.  Affectionately, sharon
Jim Broede
Posted: Sunday, June 11, 2017 5:35 AM
Joined: 12/22/2011
Posts: 5462


I like to observe. How two people. Choose to interact with each other. In such nice ways. It happens every day.  A sign. That life ain't so bad. --Jim
Andy59
Posted: Sunday, June 11, 2017 10:54 AM
Joined: 12/30/2016
Posts: 75


Sharon - Very moving post, and entire thread. Your husband is very fortunate to have such a caring and patient wife. I dont know my future in regards to progressing from MCI to dementia will happen, but if it does, I know my wife will be there for me just as you are for your husband. 

God helps us in our time of need, and in my case, no matter what happens, I know its only temporary. Our life in this body is short, eternity in a Glorified body is forever. Im so glad 12 years ago I made the best decision I ever made, and that was confessing Jesus as my Savior.

God bless all my friends on this forum.


sharon11daugherty
Posted: Sunday, June 11, 2017 5:26 PM
Joined: 8/6/2015
Posts: 1736


OOh. Andy, it is so important to daily remember how our lives changed the minute we were forgiven. I asked God to never let me forget what it felt like. It too, was the best decision of my life.  Without the Hope we have in Him... I cannot imagine my today.     Hubby has been up and down and all around every two minutes today. I have sat peaceably for him to return to bed all day long, which is what he wants,. I said with tears today..."no one knows what this is like"....seconds later I felt...an overwhelming peace " I am here, I know, "  came to mind. 

Today was the first day I haven't been able to worship in a year. I put on Hillsong" they took me to the King in no time.

This life will be like a blink of an eye to us someday. I am so glad we have eternity.


sharon11daugherty
Posted: Monday, June 12, 2017 1:59 PM
Joined: 8/6/2015
Posts: 1736


AS. THE  WORLD  TURNS...an old soap opera...AND SO IT GOES WITH THESE, THESE ARE THE DAYS OF OUR. LIVES......Another one.

Here is mine........ Hubby is telling me what to cook, walking around the house steadily, asking questions,  driving king all that I put in front of him!  All the sudden interest in visits and door bell, and telephone, put him in a tailspin. 

I signed us out of hospice. He is not dying this week! .....I am glad that they allowed me to stop allot of his meds, mostly cardiac. But their meds took us on a trip that we are too soon to go on.

I am working on some limits with LO, after this weekend he is stuck to me like glue.  Possibly some day care as he also said he was bored.

Blessings, sharon


Jim Broede
Posted: Monday, June 12, 2017 2:19 PM
Joined: 12/22/2011
Posts: 5462


I doubt that you've ever skipped a day of worship, Sharon.  One can worship in any place. The whole world is a church. Especially the great outdoors. One always has direct access to the creator. No appointment needed. Am I right about that?  Set me straight. --Jim
Andy59
Posted: Tuesday, June 13, 2017 12:02 PM
Joined: 12/30/2016
Posts: 75


Amen Sharon. Troubles in this life are certainly challenging, but we all run the race to win, and that victory was won by Jesus. My biggest fear about the possibility of developing dementia is that eventually, I wont remember who He is. However, even if that happens, He will never forget me.

I asked my wife to read your entire thread,  very informative of what life is like as a caregiver.

Please keep us updated, and my prayers are for you to remain strong in faith, and for your husband to be at peace.


sharon11daugherty
Posted: Tuesday, June 13, 2017 1:20 PM
Joined: 8/6/2015
Posts: 1736


Jim you are so right about worship.

I just love worshiping with others that I love and they love me. I have watched many of them marry, have children, celebrate deaths and life. They have brought me meals, fixed my roof. When hubby went over the cliff with his tractor, they were here to rescue us.  I love doing life with others.

Andy thanks for the kind words. You are so right about Him never forgetting us. My hubby can be restful minutes just repeating the name of Jesus. His glory all around will be your reminders.

Blessings, sharon


sharon11daugherty
Posted: Saturday, June 17, 2017 2:26 PM
Joined: 8/6/2015
Posts: 1736


2 Samuel 23:20.  Talking about Benaiah, he chased a lion into a pit, and then dispute snow and slippery ground he jumped into the pit and killed the lion.

Benaiah later became the body guard to the King of Isreal, because of this feat.

"In a Pit With A Lion On A Snowy Day"   by Matt Batterson

(How to survive and Thrive when opportunity roars)

This is my light reading for the week. P.S.. Andy 59 you will love it!

"Our calling is much higher than simply running away from what is wrong. We are called to chase lions!"

First chapter ends asking these questions:    

.........which lion chasing skills might be  most difficult for you to master?...

......defying odds?

......Facing fears?

.......Reframing problems?     (I think this may be an easy one for me)

........Embracing uncertainty?

........Taking Risks?         (   What if I am wrong?)

.........Seizing opportunities?

..........Looking foolish?          (   This one for sure)

I feel like my journey is going to be a wrestling match with  what I know and who I Trust. By handing everything over to God and His great desire for me to take a risk. (Fight the Lion). I am going to be excited to see the result. You are going with me. Today I am starting the chase.


sharon11daugherty
Posted: Wednesday, July 12, 2017 10:59 PM
Joined: 8/6/2015
Posts: 1736


Last Thursday evening as I sat next to hubby holding his hand and arm, like every evening, he went to Glory. Not a peep as he closed his eyes and was gone from this life to the next. His Alzheimer's journey ended so sweetly.

I am so fortunate that I found this wonderful site  over "4 years ago to allow me a chance to share what so many of us have in common. Lives that were going one direction, then abruptly halted.

My  friends on these threads have been a delight. I will continue to read and write, 

Blessings, sharon

 


chrisp1653
Posted: Thursday, July 13, 2017 2:54 AM
Joined: 1/23/2017
Posts: 1219


Oh Sharon. You take the saddest moments and just shine in them. In the little time I have been here, I have never failed to be built up by your words. Now there's one more set of eyes in that " cloud of witnesses " surrounding us. Is it just coincidence that I always hear the share in your name ?

You are one of the " great ones " here, and your postings , ( along with those from BlueSkies , Nadine , and Veronica , ) are always a pleasure to read. How thrilled I am to have you as my sister in Christ.

Of course you will grieve , and we will grieve with you , but your faith is like your smile : big and wide !

Bless you as you continue to journey on this earth. Come back here often, please !

Peace and joy in The Lord,

 

Chris

 


Connie63
Posted: Thursday, July 13, 2017 7:53 PM
Joined: 1/8/2017
Posts: 3


Good evening Sharon, I am Andy59's wife, since he has closed his account, he wanted to make sure that you know that he/we send our condolences on your loss.  Know that we are holding you in our prayers.

God Bless

Connie


ladyzetta
Posted: Thursday, July 13, 2017 8:37 PM
Joined: 2/16/2017
Posts: 890


Dear Sharon,

I am sending a BIG HUG your way. you have been so strong on this journey and your husband had a perfect you to help him through this journey. You and your strength and prayers  helped a lot more people then you probably even realize. Your husband is at peace now and I hope and pray the best for you.  Hugs & Love to You, Zetta


Jim Broede
Posted: Friday, July 14, 2017 12:26 AM
Joined: 12/22/2011
Posts: 5462


I sense, Sharon, that you know how to move on. With life. That you aren’t fazed by physical death of a loved one. Because it really isn’t death. It’s a passing on. To a spiritual realm. And that if you so choose, you can keep contact. Yes, loved ones can live. Inside you. If you allow them to. That can be even better than when they were with you in the flesh.  Spiritual love is the most intimate form of love, you know. All the more reason to not grieve for long. Better to feel the pulsebeat of joy. Exactly what you need and deserve. --Jim

 


BlueSkies
Posted: Friday, July 14, 2017 12:27 AM
Joined: 2/24/2016
Posts: 1096


Sharon, I am so sorry for the loss of your DH.  I know that you know he is in a glorious place and that you will be together again.  Your Faith is so strong and it has been an honor and an inspiration to me to get to know you.  Thank you so much for sharing your journey with us.  Much love to you always...
llee08032
Posted: Friday, July 14, 2017 6:00 AM
Joined: 5/20/2014
Posts: 4405


We don't know each other but I reach out with a hug to you and offer my sincere condolences to you and your family ((((((((Sharon))))))). 

llee


MPSunshine
Posted: Monday, July 17, 2017 7:46 AM
Joined: 5/21/2016
Posts: 1992


Dear Sharon, I read your note several days ago as I was tending to my mom in the hospital and I said a prayer for you and for your departed husband for peace and joy and love for all. Please accept my condolences. I am so grateful for your husband's peaceful passage and I hope you continue to muse and post and live your fullest life.
sharon11daugherty
Posted: Wednesday, August 23, 2017 10:19 PM
Joined: 8/6/2015
Posts: 1736


A trip to California, 18th hole Pebble Beach.   Ashes scattered as a SWAN swam in front of my sister and I!    In the Pacific Ocean!

What a perfect reminder of the Grace that we are  shown in our mourning.

I am elated in the fact that we are both free.

Our suffering, though different, took each of  us down an unknown difficult path.   This thread has been a blessing as well as my faithful friends on " just need to talk...."

Thank you, Sharon 

 

 


MPSunshine
Posted: Friday, August 25, 2017 5:27 AM
Joined: 5/21/2016
Posts: 1992


What a beautiful remembrance for your dear husband. Blessings to you as you find your way during this next stage, Nadine.
BlueSkies
Posted: Friday, August 25, 2017 10:26 AM
Joined: 2/24/2016
Posts: 1096


Sharon, so good to hear from you!

I am so grateful that you and your DH's suffering is over and that you are both free now.  You have been a brave and loving CG and now it's time for you to find your new path.  I am sending lots of love and blessings your way dear friend.  

Love always, BlueSkies


kellly
Posted: Thursday, September 28, 2017 11:32 AM
Joined: 6/12/2015
Posts: 1131


"I try to figure out who am I? What do I like to do? What used to be my dreams? What dreams might I still have? My life is on hold."

Sharon, you've expressed my own thoughts exactly. I've been so distracted by caregiving (plus my full time job) the past few years that I haven't even had enough focus to see myself at all. 

Your strength and insight is helpful to me. You've managed yourself with such grace though your journey. 


sharon11daugherty
Posted: Saturday, December 16, 2017 11:33 PM
Joined: 8/6/2015
Posts: 1736


Thought I would share a few paragraphs of my life with any that might remember me.  

It has now been about 6 months that I have been alone.  44 years is a long time to have a friend and true partner in life.  I am a woman of great faith, however so, I put on my big girl pants on.  I found and moved into a house half the size of the one I will soon put on the market.   Two of my daughter's got married, three months apart, so two trips out to California to walk them down the aisle.

I keep wanting to start a routine but then it is time for another trip. My sister and I will go away for the first time alone in 30 years for her 65th birthday the day after Christmas.  I am enjoying making choices for myself. Life is good again, just different.

Blessings to anyone who reads, sharon


ladyzetta
Posted: Sunday, December 17, 2017 1:24 AM
Joined: 2/16/2017
Posts: 890


Hi Sharon,

I do remember you and have wondered how you were doing. I am so glad to hear that you are adjusting to your new life, I hope you and your sister have fun on your trip. Hugs Zetta


Jim Broede
Posted: Sunday, December 17, 2017 5:49 AM
Joined: 12/22/2011
Posts: 5462


So nice to see you back in Musings, Sharon. Stick around. You are like a breath of fresh air. --Jim
just exhibit Love
Posted: Sunday, December 17, 2017 8:11 AM
Joined: 12/6/2011
Posts: 681


Sharon

thank you for sharing and coming back to this message board.. and letting us all know you are doing ok.. as we are all connected to each other because of Alzheimers and it is so good to know you are moving forward in Life..Know you are Loved by everyone here and we want you to receive many life blessings.

Namaste

Love Rosie