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Words Matter, But What Words?
Jim Broede
Posted: Wednesday, August 23, 2017 11:51 AM
Joined: 12/22/2011
Posts: 5462


Keep being you, Blue Skies. Don't allow others to faze you. Live by your own rules. Thing is, you'll never be fully understood. And you are always in danger of being totally and completely misunderstood. I no longer let it bother me. When I am misunderstood. After all, I have difficulty understanding myself. Let alone others. Count me. As one who thinks he understands you.  And I like what I'm seeing. You being truly you. --Jim
ladyzetta
Posted: Wednesday, August 23, 2017 10:08 PM
Joined: 2/16/2017
Posts: 890


Dear Blue Skies,

You are you and keep being you. Its sad when people choose to judge others when we are suppose to be here for each other. Please don't leave this board also I/we need you. You give a lot of support and love in a loving way and that it what this is suppose to be all about. I choose to ignore those that I feel are rude. Hugs & Love to You, Zetta 


Gene9999
Posted: Thursday, August 24, 2017 10:52 PM
Joined: 8/18/2017
Posts: 31


Although my bluntness may hide it at times, I truly appreciate the thoughts and information so many have shared.  I would never criticize the words one chooses to use for themselves in the situations we've been discussing, but, short of vulgarity or personal attacks, neither can I support constraining the language of others in how they feel best able to describe their experiences and views.

And perhaps that's what this is all about - words are important to us - they are windows to our thoughts and souls, and the words we choose, if constrained by this or that pet theory, then so is our ability to truthfully communicate.  Hopefully we can all continue to communicate and, each in our own way, support each other.  While acknowledging that our experiences compel up to use different words, I think its safe to say that we all strive to support.

One final thought on this, specifically for Iris.  I must echo BlueSkies.  Words such as "victim" and "suffering" do not, in my mind anyway, in any way, mean that the victim or sufferer has given up or is overwhelmed.  Indeed, to me, its quite the contrary.  A person is defined by how they react to victimization and suffering, not by the victimization and suffering itself.  My mother, for example, is far beyond the ability to consciously decide to not let Alz get her down.  Yet she continues to fight it.  She makes the best of her situation as best she can.  Deep down, in some secret place Alz has yet to find, she is instinctively still fighting, and, for that and so many other reasons, I love her dearly.


Jim Broede
Posted: Friday, August 25, 2017 10:30 AM
Joined: 12/22/2011
Posts: 5462


I try to allow people to be themselves. Especially those critical of me. They have a right to their opinions. And I have the right. To either ignore unjust criticism. Or to respond to it. By whatever means I choose. The easiest way. Is to ignore.  Which I often do. Because my skin is thicker than an elephant’s hide. And as impenetrable as armor. Meanwhile, I’m having fun. Being me. --Jim

 


BlueSkies
Posted: Friday, August 25, 2017 11:11 AM
Joined: 2/24/2016
Posts: 1096


Yes, it's too hard to seek justice.  Not worth the fight, is it.  Or is it?  So much simpler to keep quiet while others are hurt on these boards.  Makes life so much easier, until you are the one hurt or attacked.  Then again, maybe I am wrong.  Maybe you don't care about others being hurt on here or what's right or wrong.  Or justice for that matter.  Maybe just breezing through life is all that matters to you.  Good luck to you Jim.  That's what we all want, to breeze through life, but sometimes things happen and breezing through life is no longer possible.  That's when the kindness and gentleness of others is a God send and the hurt from others can knock you down.  I am advocating we be kind and gentle to each other and support each other, not knock each other down with judgements and unkind words.  Is that too much to ask of others on here?
jfkoc
Posted: Friday, August 25, 2017 7:10 PM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 18956


I can not understand how this has turned ugly. What happened to respect for another's outlook or opinion.  Why does there have to be an argument over differing views?  Would personal disagreement not suffice? It seems not which is very sad to me.

 It seems to me that we all agreed that words have synonyms and that when we write here w/o ou the addition of facial expression and tone of voice that we frequently are not in agreement about what a word means. We have no consensus on the word suffer so how can we say that another's use is incorrect.

 


BlueSkies
Posted: Friday, August 25, 2017 11:31 PM
Joined: 2/24/2016
Posts: 1096


Jfkoc,

Who is getting ugly????  Just trying to get my point across.

 I will say it again, this is not about the meaning of a word.  It's about someone demeaning someone else for using the word suffering.  I don't know how to make this any clearer.  If you want to continue with the idea that this is about the definition of the word suffering than there is not more I can say to make it clearer.  Also read Gene' s response.  Gene9999 understood completely what I was trying to say. 

Funny how everything always seems to get so twisted.  This is really frustrating and I think I am done trying to get others to understand.  Thanks to those who got what I was saying.

 

 


Jim Broede
Posted: Saturday, August 26, 2017 1:01 AM
Joined: 12/22/2011
Posts: 5462


 

 

I personally like to breeze through life. Whenever possible. But I don’t necessarily recommend my way to others. Even when I’m seeking justice.  For me. Or for others. I like to do it in a breezy fashion. And I prefer a cool breeze over a hot breeze. It also helps to weave in some humor. I’m well aware that the world is full of gross injustices. And I’m always trying to do something about it. Without losing sight of my pursuit of happiness. And fairness. I’m with you, Blue Skies. All the way. I feel that you – and others, too – have been treated unfairly. You are on my list of heroines. I wish for you. A gentle and soothing breeze. Every day. --Jim

 


BlueSkies
Posted: Saturday, August 26, 2017 1:26 AM
Joined: 2/24/2016
Posts: 1096


Thank you Jim.  I wish the same for you.


jfkoc
Posted: Saturday, August 26, 2017 11:32 AM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 18956


I will replace the word ugly with hurtful. It is more accurate as it is the word being used.
I try very hard to hear and to value what others post here. I think I understood what Gene posted and I think I understand the point Blue Skies is making. I also understand the view Iris has. 
Each is individual and perhaps somewhat at odds but do we need to have total agreement? If we keep in the forefront the idea that 99.999% of what is posted here is meant only to be helpful, informative and supportive we can not be tolerant?
My concern on the agreement of what a word means I think is important. Jim will attest to this fact since he and I periodically go round and round on the subject. I think we both rather enjoy the mental exercise. 
Why? I think that when a word means different things to people all sorts of possibilities open up for misunderstanding and certainly leads to  misinterpretations of what the writer means. I believe that it is the root of the discussion on more than this forum that has resulted in more than one of our members feeling harmed. 
This is but my opinion and I raised this possibility with the sole purpose of  being helpful. While it is not so important that my point is agreed with it is important to me that it is acknowledged, not judged right or wrong or thought to be written to hurt.  If ever someone is hurt I want to know and hopefully allowed to make amends for the injury even though unintended.
 

 


BlueSkies
Posted: Saturday, August 26, 2017 12:54 PM
Joined: 2/24/2016
Posts: 1096


 
I am so frustrated and mentally drained trying to get my point across and just can't do this anymore.  If you don't get it.  Well, you never will. 
My life is difficult enough right now.  I don't need the added stress of being on here debating with others who will not open their mind and really listen to what I am trying to say.

I really am sorry that you could not see my point of view.

I wish you all well.

Love to all...BlueSkies

 

 


ALZConnected Moderator
Posted: Monday, August 28, 2017 11:58 AM
Joined: 8/17/2011
Posts: 330


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BlueSkies
Posted: Tuesday, August 29, 2017 4:25 PM
Joined: 2/24/2016
Posts: 1096


Not sure whose post was removed, but it was not mine.  My last post is the one you see.

Anyway, I have received many thoughtful private messages from people on here regarding this, "debate" and their views of things

I think the one that struck me the most was from alz+.  She said that it's not your job to make others see or say what you want them to.   I know that is so true, yet I was doing that to Iris.  I so wanted her to see my view.  That I was getting upset that she didn't.  But it's not my job.  It's up to Iris if she wants to see my view.  It's not up to me.  And it's okay if she doesn't.  We all have different views and I am beginning to see there is truth in all our views.

My saying I am leaving here is my bad habit of slamming the door when I get upset.  It's my way of getting out of a situation that is just too uncomfortable for me.  I am going to work on that.  Maybe learn to step back quietly.  

Hope the people on here understand and will continue to welcome me here.


chrisp1653
Posted: Tuesday, August 29, 2017 4:58 PM
Joined: 1/23/2017
Posts: 1219


Matthew 18 : 21 - 22   ( New Christopher Translation )

  Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who slams the door in my face? Up to seven times?”Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times."

 Beautiful BlueSkies, slam that door all you want, because I'm not counting.

 Your big brother always,

 

 Chris

  


MPSunshine
Posted: Tuesday, August 29, 2017 7:41 PM
Joined: 5/21/2016
Posts: 1992


Hi, BlueSkies, My mom and husband are watching the coverage on Hurricane Harvey. So awful, a husband hanging from a window and rescued, but mom and dad swept away by water, and I think, how miniature are my problems compared to this devastation? I am so sad about these people, each one, hopes and dreams, and, some of them, gone.

So, are you kidding me? Of course you are forgiven, and for what, for being human? You are fine. Keep raising consciousness of others, yes! Keep putting forward your perspective, yes! Keep being YOU, yes! No worries from me about slamming doors!

Life is a stage (Shakespeare) and we are merely actors and actresses... we have our entrances and exits.

Keep on BlueSkies. Your exit is [if I have anything to do with it] NOT. YET.

Love,

Nadine aka MPSunshine


Gene9999
Posted: Tuesday, August 29, 2017 9:30 PM
Joined: 8/18/2017
Posts: 31


No apologies necessary, Blue Skies!  We all have our frustrations and habits we'd like to be rid of.
ladyzetta
Posted: Tuesday, August 29, 2017 10:37 PM
Joined: 2/16/2017
Posts: 890


Hi Blue Skies,

I am so glad you decided to stay, I was already missing you. You along with many others have help me more then any of you may ever know. Hugs Zetta


gsita
Posted: Wednesday, August 30, 2017 5:45 AM
Joined: 8/30/2017
Posts: 1


listening
llee08032
Posted: Wednesday, August 30, 2017 8:43 AM
Joined: 5/20/2014
Posts: 4405


Not my post either. I am feeling discouraged from all the bickering and seeing persons that I care about getting they're feelings hurt from all sides. Praying for peace on the boards and to once again feel encouraged by all the good works. 
jfkoc
Posted: Wednesday, August 30, 2017 10:44 AM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 18956


People were hurt. Some may never come back and some who only read may never feel safe to post.

 

BlueSkies
Posted: Wednesday, August 30, 2017 2:41 PM
Joined: 2/24/2016
Posts: 1096


Jfkoc, 

There was a disagreement.  Both sides were hurt.  People who post and have been lurking learned something here.  About tolerance, not pushing your view and to keep an open mind to others views, there is truth in all views.  It is a post about forgiveness and knowing when to reach out and when to pull back.  It is a post about a women with dementia who is doing her best with her demented mind to hang on to something here on alzconnected.   

I would hope this would not scare people away.  


Eileen72
Posted: Wednesday, August 30, 2017 4:31 PM
Joined: 6/10/2017
Posts: 312


IMHO,  we are all human...our commonality is "DEMENTIA".  An umbrella of diseases that even the specialists have difficulty diagnosing. 


 As humans we must forgive each other for words that be might be misinterpreted.  I have felt that my choices in this horrific disease weren't honored.  And I believe I was wrong. I felt that way because I couldn't keep a promise I made to myself because of circumstances beyond my control.

 Those with dementia that post on these boards have gifted me with insight I couldn't find elsewhere. They have helped to become a better caregiver and advocate for my DH.  

As DH and I travel the path of dementia together I want to thank ALL that take the time to post on all of the forums. 

 Please, to all, continue to post..be it questions or suggestions.  This disease is treacherous for all of us...be it those afflicted or those that caring for and loving those afflicted.  We must continue to reach out and help each other.