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Getting rid of the bits and pieces
Posted: Friday, September 13, 2019 8:50 AM
Joined: 7/6/2014
Posts: 1350

I am approaching the one year mark for becoming a widow.  I have  slowly adjusted and entered a new phase of life.  Most of my spouses personal possessions were passed on to those who can use them.  I am in the process or organizing and sorting out from a move (5 years before his passing; a necessary move because of his disease).  It was impossible for me to accomplish this because of the level of care he needed.  Last week I ran into soccer jerseys and shoes, I kept his old trophies (for awhile), but will get rid of the bits and pieces I find.  

Kindda Sad, to get rid of the bits and pieces of ones life. 

Dahlke (Cynthia)

Posted: Sunday, September 15, 2019 10:09 AM
Joined: 5/21/2016
Posts: 2012

Hi, Cynthia,

You have been a rock in my care of my dad and then mom. Thank you for that. 

As far as ridding ourselves of the bits and pieces of another's life, I'm sure I'm not the ideal person to cling to, since I myself am guilty of cherishing little bits that remind me of my loved ones, my parents. 

I'm sure I'll be an absolute basket case if my husband pre-deceased me, since I love him to pieces.

Chances are, it'll be me first, since he is healthy as a horse and he lifts weights everyday, while all I do is complain about waking up too early to walk the dog.

My point is that there is no need to rid yourself too fast of the bits and pieces. Hold onto them, cherish them if you must, as relics of your beloved husband. Cry over him and the things that remind you of him whenever you feel this emotion!

The field of the emotion is too often shut down.

"You are too emotional," some might say. My retort is: Emotion is what gave birth to YOU, and YOU and YOU and YOU.

Without emotion and any emotional connection, where is the future of our civilization?

And, that is: Logically speaking.

So, take that small arsenal into your pouch and use it as you may.

With much love from one survivor to another,


Posted: Sunday, September 15, 2019 10:52 AM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 21242

my husband's flight jacket is still on his dining chair.........why would I move it?
Posted: Sunday, September 15, 2019 12:23 PM
Joined: 6/12/2016
Posts: 2477

I love y’all! I do! 

Jfkoc I love you bunches! I have my husbands wallets. And all of the contents. He loved nice wallets. I have a drawer of his small things that were special to him. Now they are special to me. 

Posted: Sunday, September 15, 2019 2:08 PM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 21242

Oh I have the drawer too. Wallets, passports with pages that unfold,  empty Ray Ban aviator cases and the cards and letters he saved from me including the one that said "yes, I will marry you" that I put under his windshield wiper while he was in class. 

Why did it have to end..........


Posted: Monday, September 16, 2019 6:43 PM
Joined: 6/11/2019
Posts: 2

"Bits and pieces."

My oversized garage is full of  "bits and pieces" of my childhood.

It's full of "bits and pieces" of my husbands childhood, as well.

My mom crossed over in June of 2012, my father and mother in law both in 2017, within 6 months of each other.

The "bits and pieces" of their lives, of our lives, remain in our over sized garage.

We keep saying we're going to have a garage sale. We keep telling our kids to come take what they'd like to have for themselves in their homes.They can't bring themselves to do it. We know why. We know how painful it is for our kids. We get it. There is so much love because we were such a close family.

Gorgeous things, tacky things, priceless pieces, family history. Reminders of lives well lived, of people well loved. Of people so, so awfully missed over the generations. Of huge holes in our family where so much LOVE use to reside, STILL resides. Of comfort, of hugs, of understanding and acceptance no matter what. NO MATTER WHAT.

All we can do is continue to gently urge our babes to carry on. They still feel the LOVE of their grandparents, as do our older grandbabes. They remember and they still feel the brush on their cheeks and the smoothing back of their hair as they fall asleep. They know Gammy and Poppa and Grandma Karen are still watching over them.

I'm not ready to get rid of the "bits and pieces" yet. No, not quite yet. Soon. We all feel it coming, but... not quite yet.


Posted: Tuesday, September 17, 2019 9:07 AM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 21242

I not only have the drawer, I have the garage too.....
Posted: Tuesday, September 17, 2019 6:18 PM
Joined: 1/17/2016
Posts: 939

The drawer, the garage and in my world, the house.  I live a state away from my childhood home.  This was the home my mom lived in before I brought her here to keep a safe eye on her.  I cleared out papers and clothes years ago.  I brought items from my childhood back to my house and they reside in a basement linen closet.  I peek in there every so often and typically walk out with tears.  They aren't sad tears, they are tears of memories of my father, my brother and my mom.  It's strange to look back and yes I was fortunate, yes my parents loved me and yes these items are reminders, but there is one item left that will soon go.

The house sits in a lovely tree lined neighborhood.  I have spent the last few years visiting with my daughter and preparing for the ultimate end to that part of my life.  I have brought furniture back to my home, paintings, lamps and now what is left is what I cannot bring or do not want.  My mom used to worry herself a bit over who would get her dining room set, who would get her china, etc.  She didn't realize that as her only child left, there was only so much I could keep.

Bits and pieces, large and small knowing I can't take them all.  Every time I think I had removed everything that I would have wanted, I stop and place another item in my truck.  Now I'm thinking a light fixture or two.  Soon the house will be sold and I will finally close that chapter.

Posted: Thursday, September 19, 2019 8:07 AM
Joined: 8/15/2017
Posts: 215

Hi ladies! It's been a long while since I visited here, first b/c of tech issues and then b/c it just reminded me of the worst of times at the end of my Robert's journey. It will be 19 months on the 30th, I have come out of the widow brain "fog" only to realize that he is truly gone and I am in this life forever without him, which is a realization so very sad to me I can hardly stand to think about it. So I keep busy, very busy, to the point of exhaustion each day so when I lay down at night I basically just pass out.  It's so exhausting making eveyone believe you are ok when the opposite is true. I do it for awhile then have multiple days where all I do is cry.  I do know that each of you understand these feelings and probably still experience most of them yourselves. I too still have all Robert's things in place just as they were when he left me, even most of his bathroom stuff.  Removing them seems like I would be removing him ... again, can't bear that yet.  My bff and dear neighbor lost her husband to cancer nearly 5 years ago and she still has days or weeks that she is crippled with grief.  I don't believe it ever ends, the grieving I mean.  The only way I can describe it is that I have this profound sadness inside of me that will never ease, it just lays low most of the time but then it will surface at any given time. It is brutal and unrelenting.  I thought of going to counciling but then I remembered this site and you ladies, and thought why would I talk to a stranger who has no idea what it's like when I can talk to all of you who know oh so well!! I will visit here for my therapy.  So glad to have you ladies!