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It just never goes away...
Posted: Sunday, November 28, 2021 6:01 AM
Joined: 7/10/2017
Posts: 663

I haven't posted here a lot in the past couple of years since Brenda died in early 2020.  I was able to pick up my life after that and am happy these days.

But the grief of being an Alzheimer's caregiver never goes away.  We were watching some TV series on Netflix this month and two of them had characters with early dementia.  The feelings flooded back.  I wanted to shout to the TV people around them "No! Don't treat her like that!" I'm fairly empathetic anyway, but that really triggers something in me.

It just never goes away, does it?


Posted: Sunday, November 28, 2021 2:11 PM
Joined: 11/27/2021
Posts: 5

Hi, can you please give examples of what not to do? I don’t tell my mother-in-law that she already asked a question…I acted surprised when she tells the same story over again…I answer her as if I’m answering for the first time. I tried talking to her about her memory loss before but it didn’t seem to help. At this point I just want to keep her laughing and smiling.
Posted: Monday, November 29, 2021 1:13 PM
Joined: 1/23/2017
Posts: 1327

It's almost one year since my Barbara passed, and I think I am beginning to understand what Mike is saying here. I was so guilty of acting as if Barbara had some kind of control over the things she said and did.

Recently, I watched ( for the umpteenth time ! ) the first 3 Star Wars movies, and the words of Yoda come back to haunt me.

 All his life has he looked away... to the future, to the horizon. Never his mind on where he was. Hmm ? What he was doing.

 What my Barbara deserved, and in fact what all of our loved ones deserve, is to be served where they are.


Posted: Monday, November 29, 2021 9:18 PM
Joined: 7/10/2017
Posts: 663

Baby Angel,

From the TV shows I watched, mostly it was three things that annoyed me:

When they repeat questions, don't get annoyed like they're ignoring your answer the last time;

Don't talk to others in front of them like they weren't there or were too dumb to understand;


Don't treat (and talk to) them as if they were a child.  They're not.

There are many others...

You sound like you're on the right track.


Posted: Friday, December 17, 2021 11:10 AM
Joined: 6/12/2016
Posts: 2457

Dear Mike, I am thankful that you are " happy these days". I think of you and Brenda often. You taught me many good things and I sincerely thank you. Take good care of yourself Mike and live your life to the fullest.

Mrs. O
Posted: Thursday, February 3, 2022 2:49 AM
Joined: 8/1/2017
Posts: 309

Hello old friends,   I haven't  visited this site since my DH passed away from Lewy Body Dementia, just over 2 yrs. ago.   I am not surprised to see many of the names that I saw in the Spouse/Partner forum now here in the Lost Someone forum.  Just wanted to thank you all for getting me through those difficult years.  I have travelled some down the grief road, and will share my thoughts and experiences with you soon.  The journey does not end.  Mrs. O