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Finally called my mom's doctor
MacyRose
Posted: Friday, January 13, 2012 11:44 AM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 3983


Oh, God, I hope this works out alright.  I called my mom's doctor's office and told the receptionist what was going on with my mom and that it is IMPERATIVE that no one tell her I called them.  She was reassuring and said that this goes on all the time at their office and that they would keep the secret.  I told her that mom has not been taking her Namenda and tried to give it to my dad as cold medicine.  I told her that I know the doctor sent mom for a head CT but we have no idea of the results or what it is that is causing the dementia.  I told her that mom thinks dad and I are plotting against her when all we want is to help her and that mom is really angry and rages at my dad and me. The receptionist said she's going to have the nurse call me to get all of this in mom's chart for her followup appointment on Monday. 

 

I hope that this works.  At this point, my mother has told my father that he is NEVER to speak to HER doctor again.  I don't know if mom will tell the doctor the truth about not taking the Namenda or not.  At least I have done what I can to try to help the doctor to know what is going on. 

 

Please, everyone, pray for me that mom never finds out I called her doctor and that the doctor is somehow able to help my mother. 


Cheryle Gardiner
Posted: Friday, January 13, 2012 11:50 AM
Joined: 11/30/2011
Posts: 529


Oh, Macy Rose, what an awful place to be in! I do hope the doctor will respond well to the information you gave his office and will keep your name out of it.

She obviously needs to be on her meds and she needs more help than your dad can give - but you know that. I think you've done the best you can for right now, so the only advice I can give you is to try not to worry about something you can't control. I know it's hard, but worrying will only keep you upset and will change nothing, (Easy for me to say, right?)

Do let us know how things go with her doctor. You really may need to talk to an Elder Care attorney about POA or guardianship for both of them.

You are in my prayers.
Mary-Texas
Posted: Friday, January 13, 2012 12:44 PM
Joined: 1/13/2012
Posts: 314


This is a great first step in the right direction.    I know how difficult it is.    I've been there and still am.     I hope the nurse takes good notes.    Maybe you can also offer to fax a bulleted list of symptoms about your mom (and your dad being in the line of fire from your mom) to be added to the chart for the doctor to see?

 

 

This is one of the hardest parts of being a caregiver -- getting an accurate diagnosis and getting medications initiated/taken properly, trying to ensure the loved one is safe, and determining the right time to step in and take control or move the LO to a safer environment.     

 

 

I know this because it took years of me noticing symptoms in my mother, afraid for her safety/being exploited, talking to a good number of doctors before finally telling Mom fibs to get her to a terrifiic neurologist who completely understood just how difficult it was trying to provide care to someone with symptoms of bvFTD (behavioral version of FTD).   Diagnosis ended up being frontal lobe syndrome with vascular dementia. 


rose_ro
Posted: Friday, January 13, 2012 12:48 PM
Joined: 12/21/2011
Posts: 2431


Good luck!  let me give you some info you can tape on your computer - YOU ARE AN ADULT! 

 

First, your mom may forget some things.  If not, who cares. You're an adult.

 

I, too, in the beginning, wanted to keep both my parents ''happy.'' Then I realized I'd have to do some things and persuade them later of the ''rightness'' or just NOT CARE.

 

once you do that, it can change things.  But if it doesn't - WHO CARES.

 

Second, you  have to do things, you might even get in ''more trouble'' if you didn't.  What you did is great.

 

Please, there are doctor's offices all around the world and country dealing with this.

 

Perhaps because I live with my parents, and HAD to go to all appointments with them, I know a lof this and see it.

 

The doctors DO know, if they want to, how to work with patients like this.

 

When my mom had a UTI, she used to hit my leg and tell me to stop talking   Charmer, huh.  Lol.  One time, I was trying to make a connection with the doctor, and said, ''Well, I don't have high cholesterol, was wondering about (this or that.''

 

My mom literally said something like ''Who cares,'' or "Shut up, who cares.''

 

And she so is NOT that way now.


When she was in the hospital, and in the throes of the UTI and diverticulitis, I tell her the first two days were hard.  She had trouble sleeping, I'd say, "Mom, I love you.   you'll be ok.''  She replied, ''Shut up, who cares.''

 

lol.  She laughs now...

 

In your brain, have part of it calculating how much of her brain is being affected by the disease.  it's the only way I've survived!


rose_ro
Posted: Friday, January 13, 2012 12:56 PM
Joined: 12/21/2011
Posts: 2431


My mom has high cholesterol, that's why we were talking about it...

 

With your dad, perhaps the two of you can get to do a ''good cop'' ''bad cop'' thing...When my mom was mad at my father yesterday, I told her how much he cares for her, etc.

 

Then she kind of got mad at me for putting her clothes out for the next day (which I do every day).  My father told her how much the aides appreciate that I do this (it even made me feel good, what he said!)  She calmed down.  She actually doesn't want me to do anything she doesn't want me to do!  It's one thing that's worn me out in the last year.  I'm an independent person, just do things on my own when I can.  All of a sudden, in the last year, I feel like I'm explaining things to EVERY one.

 

I was able to see MRI reports for my mom - and by the way, she wants me to help her, and help my father - she doesn't fight me that way.  I have to say, by the time we got my mom to doctors, she wasn't putting up much of a fight.  But I have had to have some MRI's for myself, and always faxed them requesting copies be faxed to me. I  often had them before my doctor did!  Doctors didn't always tell me enough, and I learned not to rely on them for some of my problems.

 

So when it came to my mom, she signed requests that copies be sent to us.  (actually to her, but she wouldn't know what they all ''mean'')

 

It's not even that I understood everything.    It just helps to be involved, and remember things, esp if you change doctors at some point.  Also, I didn't always remember what the doctors said, later, even if I took notes.

 

Your mom is scared.  It would be great if she could at least trust her husband?

 

Also, you can take films / reports to other doctors.  Again, has to be signed by her...usually...???

 

I know only a few neuros actually looked at her films and wanted to see them


MacyRose
Posted: Friday, January 13, 2012 1:12 PM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 3983


My mom will not share information with my dad or me.  She hides her medicine and we only learned she was not taking Namenda when she tried to give it to my dad as a cold medicine.  He took one and then the next day he saw the packet and realized it was not cold medicine at all but her Namenda.  I am scared that mom is getting mixed up about her medicines and am afraid that she might overdose herself accidentally or do that to my father.  These are things I intend to tell the nurse whenever she calls me.  Part of this is that my mom is a control freak and always has been.
Myriam
Posted: Friday, January 13, 2012 5:18 PM
Joined: 12/6/2011
Posts: 3326


Does she have a pill box with the days of the week and with a.m./p.m.?  Maybe you or your dad can fill it each week with Namenda and any other prescriptions she may be prescribed. It  can be proof of whether she is taking it or not.
rose_ro
Posted: Saturday, January 14, 2012 12:31 AM
Joined: 12/21/2011
Posts: 2431


MacyRose wrote:
My mom will not share information with my dad or me.  She hides her medicine and we only learned she was not taking Namenda when she tried to give it to my dad as a cold medicine.  He took one and then the next day he saw the packet and realized it was not cold medicine at all but her Namenda.  I am scared that mom is getting mixed up about her medicines and am afraid that she might overdose herself accidentally or do that to my father.  These are things I intend to tell the nurse whenever she calls me.  Part of this is that my mom is a control freak and always has been.

   I do understand, but if you keep going forward, pressing ahead and being persistent, things WILL get better!  Can he take all her medications of any kind and put them in an area where things will get more controlled - BY HIM?

 

if not, have you considered taking her to the hospital?  What would her doctor thiks is the best way to deal with this?  ?

 

I'm not sure of all the details of how this would be done, but if my mom did this, I'd consider taking her to the hospital.  I'm not sure if you can overdose on Namenda with one or two extras - but she's a danger to herself.

 

They just get so confused