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Moving, accepting the new place...
rose_ro
Posted: Saturday, January 14, 2012 1:02 AM
Joined: 12/21/2011
Posts: 2431


My mom has talked about going home often.  She packs a lot, too.  I have wondered if she hasn't wanted to eat at times, to let us know she didn't want to be there.

 

It would help if my father were there with her at night, it would be so reassuring to her.

 

Today, we had a real chance to talk before dinner.  I said some things, and my mom got probably more overwhelmed than I thought, as she said, can we talk more tomorrow?

 

but I went through a lot of the reasons this place is good for her / them.  I'm not trying to convince her, just talking, and she appreciated it, I know she did.

 

I said something which I think helped her.  I forget what she said, but I said to her, "We won't sell the house.'' I had talked to her about how large it is, for the bunch of us, that the stairs bother my legs and feet etc, how I'd like to get a job somewhere (Which she always encourages!)

 

First, it's not my house to sell.  But when I said those words, she visibly relaxed.

 

She said, ''you won't?"  I said ''no, it will always be there.  We can have parties there and have people visit.''

 

She just - relaxed.  It was so amazing to me to see.

 

I also realized something - it was a HUGE thing for people of my parents' generation to own a house.   To move out to the suburbs.

 

 


rose_ro
Posted: Saturday, January 14, 2012 1:07 AM
Joined: 12/21/2011
Posts: 2431


My parents had an amazing day.  My brother visited, my aunt visited.

 

My parents sang and danced.  They went to a prayer service.  they had dinner with me, and Mom and I talked for a while in her room as my father spoke to the p/t guy,

 

It was cold and windy and miserable out today.  Snow flurries.

 

My mom would not have gone anywhere today if she were home.  She'd be safe and warm and comfortable, hopefully!  and watch some TV and talk to some people on the phone.

 

But I also believe some grandkids are visiting tomorrow.  Their lives are SO much more interesting.  My mom talked to people in the different areas today, and met some kids who were cute.  Her night nurse is a sweetheart, and makes sure Mom is ok.

 

A few things could be improved, but really - this is the new normal, and it's better than the old normal that existed for some time!


Fluffy
Posted: Saturday, January 14, 2012 3:07 PM
Joined: 12/5/2011
Posts: 126


Hi Rose - I 'm glad to hear you were able to bring comfort to your Mother. It must give you a feeling of satisfaction. You did something that helped.

 

I guess my brain is too worn out to think of things anymore. No matter what I say or do mainly in the evening seems to help with husband wanting to go home. I give him his Xanax and hour later another one. But it doesn't seem to help. Maybe I should give him 2 at a time. It says 1 or 2 as needed. It almost gets to the point you feel like unlocking the door and saying go home. But I would never do that.

 

Siunce I got up this morning it has been non-stop calling me and wanting to go home. I just finally got him interested in playing solitaire. And foorball game coming on soon. But he doesn't seem to have the interest in them anymore/

 

Oh dear, he just put cards away and is calling me again. Better go. He wants to go home again. I need to go grocery shopping but aid is gone and have no one to stay with him.  


FloriKat
Posted: Saturday, January 14, 2012 3:40 PM
Joined: 12/20/2011
Posts: 78


My  uncle has been talking a lot about "going home."  I read somewhere, maybe here, that "home" is wherever they may been in the slow destruction of their memories and the years are fading away.  That reminded me of the Benjamin Buttons movie!.  So I asked him, "How old are you?"  He said he was 8.  I'm guessing the home he wants to go to is the home he lived in at age 8. I made up some story about the house we were in at the moment was a good, safe, warm house.  He seemed to agree with me and settle down.  Every story is different, but so many of the symptoms are identical.

Blessings,

Kat helping to care for Uncle 84 diagnosed with Alz 2004; LBD 2007. 


Angela65
Posted: Saturday, January 14, 2012 7:38 PM
Joined: 12/20/2011
Posts: 276


Rose ro glad to hear that you were able to give your mom some security and make her comfortable. Hope all continues to go well for all of you.

                                                                                                       

      Fluffy i know its so hard for you . hope it eases some


rose_ro
Posted: Saturday, January 14, 2012 10:23 PM
Joined: 12/21/2011
Posts: 2431


Fluffy wrote:

Hi Rose - I 'm glad to hear you were able to bring comfort to your Mother. It must give you a feeling of satisfaction. You did something that helped.

 

I guess my brain is too worn out to think of things anymore. No matter what I say or do mainly in the evening seems to help with husband wanting to go home. I give him his Xanax and hour later another one. But it doesn't seem to help. Maybe I should give him 2 at a time. It says 1 or 2 as needed. It almost gets to the point you feel like unlocking the door and saying go home. But I would never do that.

 

Siunce I got up this morning it has been non-stop calling me and wanting to go home. I just finally got him interested in playing solitaire. And foorball game coming on soon. But he doesn't seem to have the interest in them anymore/

 

Oh dear, he just put cards away and is calling me again. Better go. He wants to go home again. I need to go grocery shopping but aid is gone and have no one to stay with him.  


   I hate xanax.  Do you ''need'' to give it to him?

 

I'm so tired.  I took care of my mom, feel like I'm still caring for her, but it's almost even harder now.  The nature of the disease, the nature of my parents...I almost want to run away!

 

I'm also afraid that my mom thinks (secretly) that I've let her down.  I don't think she really comprehends her fall and broken hip, and thought things would be better in the sense that she would be home again.

 

I just feel like ripping my hair out, wringing my hands or crying.  I talked to my father about some things, but he always acts like I'm worrying about too much.

 

He'd rather tell me about the nationality of the aide or nurse at the desk, LIKE I CARE!  It's a different thing to talk about these things at dinner, another thing to care when Mom is back in her room and needs to be in bed.