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Posted: Friday, January 27, 2012 4:34 PM
Joined: 1/27/2012
Posts: 3

My mom was diagnosed w/ AD approx. 4 years ago. She was living alone at the time and has done so with help from my wife and I. The symptoms  have continued to get worse to the point where she can no longer be alone for many reasons that we all know.


I finally have talked her into moving in with us. She has been w/ us for about two months. After this short time I have come to the realization that she can no longer be left alone.


I live on a meager pension and work during the summer at a Marina to make ends meet. My wife works full time. I will be asked to start work again in April but will certainly not be able to leave her alone all day. I have limited funds and resources so I cannot pay for someone to come in to take care of her while I go to work, and forget about her insurance. My Mother also has very limited resources.


Is there  any programs out there that may help w/ financial burdens of families who want to take care of their relatives rather than place them in a care giving facility?


I refuse to send her to live out what time she may have left doped out of her mind in a nursing home. I know that there may be a time where we will not be able to care for her but that is down the road. This is the same woman that has taken care of me and  is the only person to have given me unconditional love. Only my Wife and my dog have ever done that.


Any help or advise would be appreciated! Thank you all and God Bless!


Posted: Friday, January 27, 2012 4:53 PM
Joined: 11/30/2011
Posts: 740

Hi, Itajk13, welcome to the forum.


Talk with your local chapter of the Alz Assoc:

and your Area Agency on Aging:

to find out what support programs and services are available where you live.

There may be a number of financial assistance programs you could tap into, to help pay for your mom's care.  There are some tools and helpful articles on how to find the programs for which she is eligible.

If she or husband ever served in the armed forces, be sure to look into VA benefits such as Aid & Attendance.

Your county should have a Veterans Service Office where you can find an advocate for help with VA.


I think your concept of nursing homes is a wee bit outdated.  Many of our caregivers have found that their loved ones thrived in a good nursing home.  These days, there are also residential facilities that offer a very homey environment, too.  You might want to talk with your local Alz Assoc chapter and Area Agency on the types of assisted living that are available, and start checking into them.  You may be pleasantly surprised.


This post has been edited by the ALZConnected Moderator on February 9th, 2012. 


dj okay
Posted: Friday, January 27, 2012 5:10 PM
Joined: 11/29/2011
Posts: 1840



JAB has given you some great information and places to start your search.


Unfortunately, it seems our society has placed more support for folks that place their loved ones with dementia than it has for those who choose to care for their loved ones at home.  I hope this is changing, but I don't know that it is.


I am one that has had success in placing my mother in a nursing home.  Trust me, this was the last thing I ever wanted to do.  But my mother has actually done very well there.  Part of that is that I got her in the best home I could find.  But I have spent a lot of time developing good rapport with all the staff there and it has paid big dividends in the care she receives and the feedback of information I get. 


The good thing about having them in a facility is that you are able to take breaks for whatever reason (your own illness, other family issues, work, or even vacation) without having to make special arrangements.  The care team is already in place.


But each person must make their own choices.  I'm hoping that you will be able to find some services to help you in your goal to keep your mom at home.


Also, download Coach Broyle's Playbook.  He kept his wife at home throughout her life and shares some of his tips for making that possible. 


Best wishes and God bless.

Posted: Friday, January 27, 2012 5:25 PM
Joined: 1/27/2012
Posts: 3



Thank you so much for your quick response to my question. I am looking forward to, and will immediately delve into all the resources you posted. It is a wonderful day and age where you can get this type of information instantly by someone that may have been in the same position, but may have had to do days of leg work.


Normally I would agree that my thoughts would be considered a little outdated, but have watched both my Grandmother and my Aunt treated in the same manner at two separate and well respected facilities.


Other than financial issues, I have no problem taking care of my Mother until it is absolutely necessary to be placed into a nursing home. What better environment could there be than to be w/ people that love you and want to take care of you.



Thanks again and God Bless!

Posted: Friday, January 27, 2012 5:36 PM
Joined: 1/27/2012
Posts: 3

Thanks Dj,


I am absolutely sure that there are great places that give wonderful care to our loved ones. I am so happy for you that your Mother is in a place where you both can be  comfortable with.


I pray for all that have to make such a personal, conflicting decision as to what is best for us and the ones we love. No person should have to be placed in such a position, but alas here we are.


Thank your for your encouragement.

Iris L.
Posted: Friday, January 27, 2012 9:57 PM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 16569

You might look into PACE (Program of All-Inclusive Care for the Elderly).  This is a program that provides care in the community for patients who otherwise would be placed in a nursing home.  Here is a link: 

Iris L.

Iris L.
Posted: Friday, January 27, 2012 9:58 PM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 16569

You might look into PACE (Program of All-Inclusive Care for the Elderly).  This is a program that provides care in the community for patients who otherwise would be placed in a nursing home.  Here is a link:  


Iris L. 

Posted: Saturday, January 28, 2012 2:20 PM
Joined: 11/29/2011
Posts: 799

Since your mother has very limited resources, is she on Medicaid.  You might be able to get some in home care for enough hours each week that you will be able to go out to work.  At some point you are going to need some help anyway because caring for someone 24/7 is HARD!  You will need a break and some help.