It's been four weeks now and it still does not seem real, although I know he is not in the next room now.

He was not able to walk (alz) so he was in a hospital bed at home, close to a sliding glass door where he could see the birds, wildlife, pool, trees, very sunny and bright, we were so lucky that the room was cheerfull. He was as happy as he could be with late stage alz.

How am I?  Well! I really don't know, feel best staying at home and doing the regular things, feel lost, I do talk to him alot I know that he is still taking care of me from heaven and so is God. Thats all I'v got now, and I am thankful. The two of them will guide me down this new path.

Thank's for listening.

One day at a time.  

I like your profile photo of you and your husband.  I can imagine him watching nature and enjoying sunshine through the glass door.  I pray that sunny days like the ones you and he spent together make you feel hugged.

I'm glad you're taking your time, and doing what feels right.  While nobody, and no experience, nothing, can substitute for having him beside you, I pray that the Lord mends your heart. Please post here as much as you feel like doing, so we can be there for each other.  

((((gentle hugs))))

Definitely keep talking to him. I do that with dad all the time. Sometimes I wonder if I should talk to him in spanish (our native language) or english. Dad spoke english very well, but we always talked to each other in spanish.

It's very hard at the beginning. You feel a sense of numbness all the time. I am sure it is more difficult with a partner.

Take care of yourself and enjoy his spirit being around you.

I think 'lost' is an appropriate adjective.  Nothing is the same.  I'm with you, learning this new life.  It's tuff to suddenly have time to focus on yourself.  Takes some getting used to   But we will.  They would want us to.

I can picture your window perfectly.  I hope the view brings you joy too -

Thank you all for your kind words

It's nice we have a thread to go to where you all understand how hard it is what we are going through.

Caring, loving, for a LO with Alz. is a whole different kind of illness. It not only changes our LO it changes the caregiver.(at least it did me) I became a different person, one I did not like at times. It was so hard, patience was hard, frusration was hard. I am trying to remember the person I was before this dreaded disease came into our home.

I am proud of the care I gave my husband, and I would not have had it any other way, I loved him and still do, but it was hard as the disease progressed. I did not reconize how exhausted I was at the time as I just did it and wanted to do it by myself.

They would say "you are a strong woman", NO , I was not strong, I cared for my husband because I loved him and I was still able to. Fortunate that I still have my health to be able to, some spouses are not well enough to.

I love you Ed, and miss you terribly.