Being with mom/ helping mom/ dealing with her medical professionals, taxes, etc, was a focus on my time.  Everything else seemed to fit in, and what didn't, didn't get done.  My mind was full of "should" s that always seemed to have a life-or-death urgency, like "I should make sure mom's ultrasound includes her back"  there were all kinds of shoulds.

Now that I don't have her anymore, my life is just as busy.  Some things still aren't getting done but those can wait.  I haven't even filled out her life insurance claim form yet - can't bring myself to concentrate that hard or something.  My kids are needing extra TLC, my energy level is at an all time low, and

honestly, the time I could be using better, I spend "processing"  ...pondering questions I'm never going to get answers to, and asking the questions I can answer. I'm going places I need to go to feel better.  Yesterday I went to the ALF where my mom spent the last year of her life.  They were so welcoming.  And one of the special people there spent a good deal of time with me, listening, and answering questions.  

What are you all up to lately?  What are you doing for yourselves?

By the way, thank you, each of your on this forum for caregivers who have lost their loved ones. 

I know what you mean. I feel as if I should have plenty of time to get things done since I am no longer spending hours on feeding washing laundry and companionship but my "should" list is still very long. Like you my energy is way down. I think it is partly the letdown after being in overdrive for years and partly the grief reaction,

As you said to me be gentle with yourself and take your time.

love

Nicole

Ladies- 

Today is 2 years since Mum's funeral.  The day after my Birthday, and I still find myself every so often when out, oh, I need to get back so I can... 

do whatever, for Mum.. 

It changes over time, and life presents you with the changes in simple ways for the most part.  The important thing, as you both have said is to be gentle with yourself.  Make a priority list if you are a list type person, I did that at first and it helped some..to have a small plan, or a series of small plans... 

I had the added weight of a major decision to make, which I put off, time  and time again partly because I didn't want to rush into it and mostly because I just couldn't make another decision..I had been responsible for so many for so long...I finally did at the end of the year.  It was when the weight of my grief seemed to lift.....it is still there  in the corners, but it no longer  pervades my thoughts. 

A year seems like a long time, I am sure, but what I have found, after caring for Mum and rebuilding my self, is that time means nothing ..it takes as long as it takes. That is the thing to try and remember. It is one step, many small deep breaths that get you moving along this branch of the path now.  The important thing is to keep yourself open to the changes that will come.   

So--step forward, carefully doing what you can, when you can.  As when we were caring for our loved ones, some things will get done, some won't at least not right way...and that is ok.but mostly know that time and your heart  will guide you.  Listen to your inner voice, and let your love guide you. 

May the universe shine its light on your path to help you find your way... 

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