From Alzheimer's Daily News:

Hi Myriam and Iris,

A good point for discussion.

"By and large, he remains optimistic about the future."

A good friend of mine is one of the big-wigs in the Aliz. Assoc. hierarchy, with whom I have discussed my perennial question of 'why me? Why am I having so much success holding this big monster at bay? He thinks it's my very positive attitude. I'm not sure he's entirely correct, but have conceded it's a big factor.

We have to get out in society for as long as we can. it's why I prefer to move to Assisted Living with a Dementia Unit when the time comes. I've visited my chosen place several times. The last time I spent most of it just sitting in the Dementia Unit. The programs that are available and used by the residents of the locked unit are amazing. There is no such thing as a row of wheel-chairs with dozing patients, propped around the nurses station. There is no nurses station!

In this particular place there is mingling between all levels. Thus if one is placed in the Assisted Living unit but is still able to go on certain field trips with the Independents, fine. 

And yes, sitting there will probably be like watching that movie this afternoon. She might be me, but not today nor tomorrow. Hopefully a long time down the road.

Everyone is not fortunate enough to have loving caring people in their lives.  When the going gets rough people you thought were your friends abandon you.  Then you are alone.  That's it in a nutshell. 

Iris L. 

bela,  I feel the same about my mom, sometimes I just want to cry when I see her because I don't know what to tell her, or how to explain things to her.

Mom also is happy when she sees me coming in the door to AL.

Blessings,

G.

From the patient's perspective: When one can no longer communicate what one wants to, it is very  frustrating. 

And you keep telling your loved one that you love them. You give them back rubs. You take them for walks, How about an art museum. Come summer, concerts in the park, so when they are tired you can leave.

Do bring their grandchildren and greats to see them. Teach the little ones ahead of time what to expect.

I agree and I am sorry  Iris and to all, my husband has not moved out YET  but emotionally he left a long time ago. he always had problems with illness  now   this dx and me. no, he cant handle it.  he is  in denial, or depressed.   he wont read about it- "it  is too depressing" wont go to support groups. etc.  and he dont know a computer.  he says things like :I have to realize you will never  do this.... and this... again. he has put me in a bubble. I have no family here, no friends  - and  I see him go further and further. now he goes in   his room, shuts the door and watches tv.   that is it.    he is tired or  has a headache if I try to talk.  the only people i have is  via  phone  or email- family and that is a   few.

it is a lonly place.  and thank God for this site and all of you.    

Mish, you have to have a live person to talk with.  Call the Helpline number and speak with the Early Stage Care Consultant.  I called the national Helpline # and was eventually directed to an organization for seniors in my area that helps people like me with no close family members. I now have a social worker who helps me individually. 

You can also ask if there is an Early Stage support group in your area.

In my area I attend a Women's Peer Support Group.  It is for women with any type of disability. 

The chat room is always available if you and another member want to chat.  There is a chat room just for patients.

Keep reaching out.  There are people around who understand your illness and how it affects you.  You are not alone.

Iris L.

Oh woe is HIM!  I'm sorry you are burdened with someone like that as a spouse.  Since he is going to move (I got that from your post), will there be a divorce coming?

Even if there is no divorce, have you seen an attorney regarding what your rights are since you are disabled and he is basically abandoning you?  Even if he's supporting you and/or providing insurance for you right now, nobody can predict the future or whether he'll eventually want a divorce (and you too compromised to request ongoing support).

I would also be very careful about putting him as a POA or a beneficiary of anything since this is his attitude toward the disease.  If he is living with you and won't help, he surely won't help after he moves out.

Mish, I'm so sorry you are dealing with this dx and your husbands selfish behavior.  Day2 and Iris have given you wonderful advice.  We are all happy 

you found us and this community can help give you sme of the support and friendship that you so desperately need!

Please call the helpline and ask for a care consultant.  Let them know your dx and lliving situation.  Ask them for any advice or guidance they can give you.  They are well qualified to give you knowledgeable direction and info.

Have you been in contact with your local chapter of  Alz. Assoc.?  They may be able to help you take the steps necessary to find a trustworthy atty. to handle your legal decisions.  Also, at the top of this page there is a "local resources" Selection.  Click on that for info in your area.

FTD Picks can be difficult to have and to care for.  The fact that your husband doesn't want to LEARN how to help you is such

 a detriment.  You definitely need someone to understand your behaviors and capacities.  

If you have a question or want personal replies, you can  start a new discussion by selecting it in this forum.

We are so glad you have joined us.  Please know you are not alone and we will help and be there for you...as much as we can.

(((((hugs))))).

thank you for your help.  I have a contact person  from the ass.   but there is only 1 group in the area  and it is   for alot older people in far  different stages than I. (no disrespect)   there are a few caregivers groups in my  area  but again he wont go.  also he neverr has been my poa or anything else. he   never could handle  illness like i said, or financial decisions and he  doesn't like to read or know how to work computers.  he is more of a hands fix it guy. so no never my poa.

things have just gotten worse and worse.  at the last  MD appt   the MD was  very upset that  I weent alone and he was not there. so  he is getting a sw to hook me up with a counselor , (soon I hope).

and that's it.

it s all she wrote

thank you for being so kind. you really are nice people.

Again, though, whether or not you will eventually become divorced, WHILE YOU ARE STILL HANDLING YOUR OWN AFFAIRS, you need to see an attorney about this situation and what your rights are.

You are unable to work and you cannot just make an income if he decides one day to leave and not support you.

Something needs to be in place right now legally obligating him to do this---later will do you no good.  And if it causes him to become angry and leave, OH WELL, you're really no worse off than you were before saddled with a husband who won't help you.

I'm gladd the association is getting you a social worker.  You need that too.

my md has a sw  that he  has  to help me but she only works  2x's a week- half days.  I called the assoc. the ass.  and we are meeting next  week.  but again no groups near me  and I dont drive far.   I do have a lawyer but now he is dating a famous celeb and is "out of the office now: lol alittle busy.  

he (husband) has been  out of the way. I  contacted a  counselor for him and she called him but no,   he doesnt need to air his issues out. (okay?)  

Iris- I trust my parents  (but they are out of the country)   and my aunt  and cuz (out of state). that is all.  the rest cant find the time for me.  so   life goes on.  I am trying the  best I can.    whether he physically leaves now or  not .  life goes on.  He has shown his  true colors and   that is   that.    I have to take care of me.   

thanks you  all again.  so much.

blessing to you all.

the sw called  from the md office  yesterday.  She asked me about my needs.  etc.      I  was explaining  that   sometimes   tasking  is hard for me because I get so distracted.   etc...  I  told her about  the need for  a support system,  counseling, , she gave  me a name and number, I asked about  health coverage  she was like  "I dont  know call".      very helpful.     lol. I put put it on my list.

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