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Am new here...lost my dad on jan 13
Posted: Saturday, April 7, 2012 11:06 AM
Joined: 4/6/2012
Posts: 4

i'm new here, don't know where else to turn hurts so much!! my story is so complicated no one would believe it....but i, nor my two daughters nor my grand daughter never got to see my dad, from aug 15, 2011 even up until he passed.  i didn't believe in telling him the truth he was going home in 30 days, i wouldn't lie to him, he knew he had a home, he knew his kids had homes and i couldn't see him sitting in a nursing home, in a wet soaked diaper, with my mom watching the clock till she could leave and go home....he knew he had a home, i wanted to take care of him, as he took care of me for 46 yrs, it got so ugly and my mother influenced by my older siblings, wouldn't allow me to see or talk to him, nor my kids, even when in hospice care and he died. i don't know how to deal with it. my daddy was even cremated, not his wish, instead of being buried in the mausoleum plots, my parents bought over 20 yrs ago, because i am the only one in family to visit cematary, where they were to be buried along side my mother's mother, and my godparents.  i couldn't see him in funeral home, or tell him i loved him.  it hurts so bad, i cry continuously, i feel so lost without my father.
Posted: Saturday, April 7, 2012 5:41 PM
Joined: 12/18/2011
Posts: 3097

I'll give you some advice that comes under "it's easy to say, hard to do" category.


All the strife and upset prior to his death and the strained relations with your relatives had to have been devastating for you.  Being in a facility and his cremation was also upsetting to you obviously.  I know you're probably re-hashing every episode in your mind, but truly none of what they did hurt his spirit. 


I personally do not believe that there needs to be a gravesite to bring focus on our loved ones.  I hear my mom in a bird's song in the morning, I see her in a child picking flowers for her mother.  I am glad my mom is free of that physical body she was trapped in, her soul is completely free.


What might help, given the family dynamics, is to get some grief counseling to deal with your dad's death and the death of your relationship with your family.  A counselor would be able to give you his or her thoughts on things to do or ways to think about the situation that will help you cope better with the loss.

Posted: Saturday, April 7, 2012 8:52 PM
Joined: 4/6/2012
Posts: 4

thank you for writing back, it definitely is easy to say, but way harder to do.  the loss of my father and especially in it's way, far overcomes the loss of my family.  i am not even mourning the loss of my family, i now know the truth on their feelings towards me & my family, i know i need counseling as its getting bad, having nightmares at night, but co-pay for counseling is a lot and i need more than one visit a week.  my kids worry about me, i hate to see that. but i am strong, just trying to stay that way.  ty for your words of encouragement!!!