Most of you know that I really loved my dad's care home and his caregivers there. I miss them alot. They were a huge part of my life for 4 years. I want to go see them and have this strong feeling that it will help with my grieving process. However, I just can't bring myself to do it. I went by there only once since dad has passed and I had a huge melt down in the car. Thank God my daughter was with me and she started praying for me. I mean just looking at the building brought this on. WTH?!

I sent cards last week to two of my favorite caregivers that I really bonded with. I just want to go up there and hug them and yet I don't see how I could walk through that door. They have been so generous in calling to check up on mom and I. 

I know Dayn2nite has been able to do this and I admire that so much. I guess I will just have to give myself more time. I even had a dream about going and hugging my favorite girls and crying with them. They were beyond good to my dad and they know I was his favorite. He told them every time I visited. ha.

I know how you feel, Cowboys.  i visited twice.  The first time, the hospice chaplain offered to meet me there and go in together, but I declined the help and went alone.  It was great.  It gave me strength to go again.  I brought a DVD of the tribute video we played at mom's service and they had me stop so they could go get more staff that loved my mom and start watching it from the beginning again.  We all cried together and hugged.

If you feel intuitively like you need to or want to go,I think that's important.  Only you will know when and how you're ready to go.  I'm glad your daughter was with you and she prayed with you....can you bring your daughter again for the moral support?  Also, maybe you could alert your favorite people there and they could meet you at the car and walk in together or if you couldn't go in, then at least you could see them and hug them.

How did your first attempt to go to the care facility affect you after that day?  Did it help you process the grief?  Did it affect your sleep for the better or worse?  Pay attention to thee clues as to whether you're ready to go again.  If you feel intuitively like you need to or want to go,I think that's important.  

We had a caregiver that came a couple of times a week to help my brother, sister and I.  she was so good with my mom and we really loved her.  In the end when my mom only had days to live she came and sat with us.  She came to the viewing and the funeral after mom passed.  She came and visited us at my mom's house several times since mom passed.  As a matter of fact we had a mass today for mom and she even came to that (it was at 7 a.m. and she lives an hour away).  It's been a year now since we lost my mom (July 10, 2011) and the fact that our caregiver is still in touch with us makes me feel like we truly picked the right person to help us in caring for our mom.  She is a very special person and I love seeing her. 

Maybe when you're ready you will feel some comfort in seeing  your dad's caregivers too.