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"My past is like a blanket"
Waiting for a cure
Posted: Thursday, July 12, 2012 5:33 PM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 295

My mom passed away of AD in January this year.  So often, my husband finds me fighting back tears, or suddenly very pensive, at a Starbucks or wherever.  My husband is a great, sensitive person, but I've been trying to put into words for him how certain songs or things I see have this effect...

 I'm kind of a visual or kinesthetic thinker... I find analogies in terms of visual things or textures.  


I feel like the past is like a big blanket that was knit for us, and in addition to covering us, it serves as something things hang from to add context.  My past includes all the experiences that shaped who I am, and from that web hangs things like songs that played then, memories of people that I was close to, and even "snapshots" of the weather or who I was with when certain things happened.  Those things are still hanging from the blanket of my past.  

There are songs that are "hanging" from a part of the blanket all about my mom, and there are many parts of the blanket about my mom because she was my best friend.    When I hear those songs, I am drawn to compare the context of where they hang to the context of hearing them now.  Is "Scarborough Fair" by Simon and Garfunkel still special to me now because it was special to my mom?  One of my mom's favorite songs was "Daniel" by Elton John.When I hear these songs, I remember being 4 or 5, sitting next to my mom on the piano bench as she played these and others like the theme from "The Way we Were",  "MASH" and songs by Streisand.  I've been playing songs in the car that remind me of when I was really little and things seemed perfect and safe.  How wrong is it that my 5 year old now knows all the words to "Operator" by Jim Croce ?!     

When I hear these songs, I wish that things were as perfect as they used to seem, that I have her back healthy and strong, and that my little boys can feel as safe and together invincible as I did at that age.....just for a while longer....





Jim Broede
Posted: Saturday, July 14, 2012 10:20 AM
Joined: 12/22/2011
Posts: 5462

You say your mom was your best friend. Sounds to me like she still is your best friend. Because you have captured her spirit. She is still with you. In spirit. Keep savoring her spirit. You can summom mom's spirit at any time. It is forever.  Reason to be joyful. --Jim