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My Mother
Beautiful Dreamer
Posted: Tuesday, January 22, 2013 4:50 PM
Joined: 12/10/2012
Posts: 27

     It was two months ago today that Mother passed. It's been a difficult two months.

Today I wanted to or maybe just needed to share a bit about this beautiful woman who was my Mother. We will always love her.

    She was perhaps the most selfless person that I've ever known.....always giving of herself to others. If you were the "under-dog" so to could count on her "being in your corner". A powerful prayer warrior, secret-keeper and confidant. She taught us early on the beauty of nature and all God's creation. She loved sunrises, sunsets and beautiful moons. Frequently thru the years we would get a phone call saying " Go outside and look at the beautiful moon tonight". She loved gardens, flowers, hummingbirds and red cardinals. She loved music and singing. She believed in the Golden Rule and the Ten Commandments. Her children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren were her life she always said.......helping us tend to the children was such a joy for her and for them.

   Mothers Day 2012 her life and ours turned upside down. Soon afterwards the dx of Vascular Dementia /Alzheimers was given. And so this journey began.........a most difficult we would have never hoped to be traveling on.......but she was.....and we were.......

   For six months we were blessed to have her in our home and my sister and I began being her caregivers. Spending time between both our homes we all got to share some precious times during that period. Yes, there were difficult days......very difficult days when we didn't know how we were going to do this. Feeling helpless at times......we dreaded the day that would someday come when she would need to go to a care facility. Life moved forward and the disease rapidly progressed.......I remember thinking and even saying that this disease is so "heartwrenching" "utterly painful". Mother was such a wonderful person it was so difficult seeing what the disease was doing to her. Thru it all though.....I will always feel honored and blessed that we were able to take care of her. She had been the one to kiss our bruised knees.......comforted our broken hearts.....taught us how to find something beautiful in even the most dreadful situations....... How truly blessed we were........

    Thanksgiving Day.......a day we give "thanks" Mother fell asleep and took a nap and woke up in Heaven........What a beautiful way to pass.......I will always be thankful......Our hearts ache......and once again I find myself saying this experience of losing her is "heartwrenching" "utterly painful"........but despite it all there are so many many.......Because of this horrible disease we were able to spend the last six months of her life every day with her......we were able to "give back of ourselves" to her just as she'd done for us so many years before. I'm forever grateful for that time. Her strong faith in God makes me confident that she was welcomed into Heaven by a host of angels and I can rejoice that she's happy, and healthy and whole. So many blessing despite this horrible disease.......

   The day my Mother passed a part of my heart went with her. She will be forever missed......

   My Mother...... I used to tell her several times a day " You're the Best Mom ever"..........and she was.................

   I'm sorry this is so long.....but I just needed to share today I guess........


Blessings to all,

Beautiful Dreamer


Posted: Wednesday, January 23, 2013 12:08 AM
Joined: 1/18/2013
Posts: 13

I am so glad you are able to focus on the blessings.  It helps me to do that too.  I am so glad I got three years to be close to my husband because of the diagnosis.  It was a blessing we had the warning and he could retire and that he was able to take the high road.  She sounds like a wonderful woman who made the world a better place, and that you will be passing that on.  God Bless Us All.
Posted: Wednesday, January 23, 2013 6:10 AM
Joined: 12/2/2011
Posts: 726

Beautiful Dreamer -- What a wonderful tribute to your mother.  Sometimes it helps to put your thoughts into words.  I find that people don't want to talk about my parents anymore, but sometimes I need to.  


It sounds like your mother had a life well lived.  You were so lucky to have her.  She lives on in your heart.  Hugs...

Posted: Wednesday, January 23, 2013 7:32 PM
Joined: 2/19/2012
Posts: 96

Beautiful dreamer, what a nice,touching tribute to your Mom. Mine also died in Nov. I used to call her "mama bear". She would always say, daily, what would I ever do without you and I would say it right back. Now I know what I would do, nothing!! I am totally lost, adrift at sea. I seem to have no purpose. For the past 2 1/2yrs she was my everything. When my husband walked out suddenly 6 years ago, she was the one who held me together. Now I find days are long and nights are longer.

I talk to her everyday. It keeps me sane. My siblings all have their lives and their families. They truly have closed the door on her death and moved on. They don't want to discuss it anymore. My sister says I am depressing her, so she doesn't call me. If I start to cry or get a catch in my speech she will disconnect almost immediately.

Sorry this is kind of off topic. But I just wanted to tell you that 2 months is still new, fresh and grief cannot and should not be rushed,





dj okay
Posted: Wednesday, January 23, 2013 7:36 PM
Joined: 11/29/2011
Posts: 1840

Beautiful Dreamer,

Your mom sounds a lot like my mother.  I wonder if they will meet in heaven....

The thought is comforting to me.  I hope it is to you.


Two months isn't long.  I was still hurting a lot at that point.  It gets better.


I'm sending a warm hug your way ... (((()))))

Posted: Friday, January 25, 2013 8:04 PM
Joined: 10/9/2012
Posts: 7

Your mother sounds a lot like mine.  I lost my precious mother two weeks ago today and I feel totally lost.  Even though she was in a NH the last 2 1\2 years of her life, my day to day was planned around my trips to see her,  At first to talk with her, watch TV or help her participate in the activities in the Alz unit where she lived until she was no longer ambulatory.  After that and as time progressed my visits were just to sit with her and hold her hand.  Now my days seem to be spent trying to figure out what to do with myself.   I keep thinking I'm fine and some random memory will trot thru my mind and I'll be crying. I thought I was prepared to let her go but I wasn't.   This horrible disease takes our LO from us more than once and nobody who has not been thru it can understand.  This forum has already helped me so much.  My thoughts are with you.
Posted: Saturday, January 26, 2013 10:28 AM
Joined: 12/2/2011
Posts: 726

@ Allyce -- It's only been two weeks.  At two weeks, I was still in a daze.  A memory could literally hit me like a ton of bricks. I felt like I had been physically punched in the stomach.


You said it so well when you said that this disease takes our loved ones more than once.  I thought I had done my grieving while they were still alive, but there was so much more to do.  You lose the people they were.  Then you lose the people they become.  If they were a part of your everyday life, you lose your purpose.  


It might be helpful to read some of the older threads in this forum.  Several of us have lost loved ones fairly recently.  It has made me feel better to know that I am not alone in what I am going through. I wish you all the best. Hugs.... 



Posted: Saturday, January 26, 2013 4:25 PM
Joined: 1/23/2012
Posts: 2270

I understand what everyone says here and can relate. My mother died one month ago at age 93, end stage Alz. She was in relatively good health and even hospice was shocked when she died suddenly, not the long, lingering process we all expected.


I miss her so much and went on vacation this week with my husband (who is ill and also on hospice). Coming home and realizing Mom will not be in the house was rough for me, I must admit.


So many times I saw or heard something and thought I must tell Mom about it - and then remembered. It was good to get away, to decompress, but there is an emptiness now.


I am glad to have the extra time for my husband, but he sleeps 18 hours a day anyway, so it is still lonely at home. Guess I am going to continuously adjust to the changes and steel myself for what is to come.


God bless, my friends.

Posted: Saturday, January 26, 2013 4:58 PM
Joined: 4/19/2012
Posts: 414

@ Nora it is a continuous adjustment in grief, we have all found. The paths are different for all of us. What I have come to be grateful for is the sharing on this board.


I am amazed at what 6 months down the road feels like. I remember the first few months of intense grief which have abated with only small waves here and there. I try not to relive the last moments, it does no good. Some are so Large it is hard to visit those memories again.Those intense moments do fade with time......


I am still finding my way. Today I found joy in the fact that a friend who has been going through moms large recipe collection, well my friend actually got to "know" mom, all her little notes on the recipes, the dates, when she tried them, old neighbors that gave mom recipes, recipes from mom's own mom and mom's mother-in-law teaching her how to cook and bake recipes dad liked. It made mom still "real" and appreciated by someone, that felt really good.