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Causes of death/ rant
Auds Girl
Posted: Thursday, July 25, 2013 2:53 AM
Joined: 1/8/2012
Posts: 74

Today is just one of those days that I feel guilty about how my great mom died.  She was a second generation alzheimer victim, her father and his brothers had the disease also.  I cared for her by myself with limited/ no help from my siblings but that is a whole other story.  In the last 2 months of her life she had the worst care at her assisted living facility.  It started with a fall at dinnertime that resulted in a laceration to the back of her head that needed 6 sutures inside and 8 staples to close.  Then two weeks later she fell and broke her hip, after surgery, hospitalization, and 4 weeks in rehab at another facility( with no falls) she goes back to her assisted living facility and then has another fall, they never ordered an xray to see if the hip was reinjuried.  The second week she again falls in the dinning room at meal time  resulting in a brain injury with blood clots  she was kept in the hospital for 2.5 days when she was returned to the hell hole to fall again within 12 hours of her return resulting in  a bruise over her eye that the undertaker couldn't"t cover up.  The guilt comes from I should have removed her from there when I still had control but because  of the facility, and family jealously pettiness I gave it up control when I should have fought to keep it ( but that is a whole another story).. Her cause of death complications from hip fracture, secondary causes  alzheimer, heart disease. No mention of wrong level of  care being provided.
dj okay
Posted: Thursday, July 25, 2013 1:21 PM
Joined: 11/29/2011
Posts: 1840

Bless your heart, that must be hard to come to grips with.  That's a lot of falls in a short period of time.


But you admit to yourself that it wasn't in your control.  If it had been, you would have made changes to make it better.


So often I think people believe their LO will be happier in assisted living and resist the idea of a nursing home, when in fact the level of care at assisted living is not sufficient for some residents at a certain point.  Facilities don't intend to do harm, they are just sometimes not staffed well enough to keep injuries from happening.


If you are so inclined, you might pursue a report with the state licensing agency.  That may help prevent this kind of thing from happening to other residents.  And it may bring you some peace.


Do try your best to find a way to work through this difficult phase of grief.  And let us know how you're doing.

Posted: Thursday, July 25, 2013 2:14 PM
Joined: 8/26/2012
Posts: 257

((Hugs))  You have to focus on the fact that you did the best you could under the circumstances that you were in.
one daughter
Posted: Saturday, August 3, 2013 10:33 AM
Joined: 1/30/2013
Posts: 1980

Yes, bless your heart. I always told my husband that when  i lost one of my parents I would have so much guilt. And when I lost my daddy in March of this year, the guilt is there. He wasn't in a facility, but just the times I lost my patience w/him, makes me feel guilty. Daddy had dementia. I think guilt is something we all deal with. We always say IF I would have done this or IF I would have done that. But I know we all do the very best we can. The stress of being a CG can be overwhelming. We all need to try & be kind to ourselves & that's another hard thing to do. May God ease your heart.
Daughter Of Grace
Posted: Saturday, August 17, 2013 11:46 PM
Joined: 8/17/2013
Posts: 163

Oh, gosh!


IF is the biggest word in any language...I know, first hand.


(HUGS) to you & prayers you find peace.


I agree with contacting the state regulators. MAYBE, you can help someone following in your mom's footsteps..