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Trying to find me
Lesley Jean
Posted: Sunday, January 3, 2016 12:10 AM
Joined: 2/13/2013
Posts: 2965

I got married young. 18. I married my high school sweetheart, the love of my life, my best friend. 

I became a mom of two boys and then we adopted two children. 

I was a student, going to nursing school ( 3 year RN), BA in Health science admin and a Mater's in Ed spec in school counseling. 

I have taken care of the house, yard, supporting my husband and his career, taking care of my children, our pets, my students, ...

Now, it is me. Yes, I am still a mom, my kids are grown and have their own family. I am a wife, no I am a widow. 

This is not my life. I have a new life that I don't want and I don't know how to act or what to do. Where do I start? How do I start? What should I do? Expect? How do I cope? 

Please give me you advise. I am scared of having to make a new life,but I have no choice.


Posted: Sunday, January 3, 2016 7:53 AM
Joined: 12/16/2013
Posts: 352

LJ, I wish I could help. I wish I had an answer. I'm asking myself the same questions. I'm just trying to stay positive and move forward. Is it working? I don't know. Some days yes some days no. I'll just keep putting one foot in front of the other and move forward. I hope the New Year brings all of us a little happiness, contentment, understanding and acceptance.
Lesley Jean
Posted: Tuesday, January 5, 2016 11:24 PM
Joined: 2/13/2013
Posts: 2965


Thanks. It helps to know I am not the only one feeling like this. Thank you, 


Mrs. Braxton
Posted: Friday, January 8, 2016 1:16 AM
Joined: 9/12/2012
Posts: 929

Hi Lesley,

   I understand where you are in this experience of life.  I dont much like it either.

 It is true that time does lessen the heartache.  Even I cry at knowing that it does.  Hospice sent me a newsletter and they are right on how most people feel or experience after 6 months.  So I was glad I was normal in this grieving process.     

I still do very little, I am kind to myself .   I hope you do the same, this is a new of being right now.  It takes time to process and let down,  we are tired and your body will need to heal from the stress of the past years of caregiving,  fighting a battle for them, it takes so much time.  So sleep, walk around, and take a nap.  Cry and cry and cry.

I will check in with you again.  I have not been on the site much this month.

love and hugs,


Posted: Friday, January 8, 2016 1:47 PM
Joined: 2/12/2012
Posts: 553

So well said Lesley Jeanie has been 2 years for me this past dec. I found the second year the hardest.. I take baby steps.fmost days are better but I do miss him . I have decided to replace his pictures with our happier times.. He wad my high school sweetheart also... No sard getting the disease was not fair ,leaving me at the age of 69 was not fair...   Yes my life is quite and mostly uneventful.. But the loneliness is very loud... So LJ you need time and lots of it to heal... I try to only think of our normal times because the time with dementia pulls me down.. He'll life is not fair !!! So my friend  hang in there. Try something new . Volunteer at your local hospital .surrond yourself with friends who do not judge and they get what you are going thru...I to. Am a retired nurse and we are our worst enemies. .  Pauline
Posted: Friday, January 22, 2016 3:01 PM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 4122

I think they refer to this new state "finding the new normal."  There is nothing normal about losing the person we love...I have been lucky to be able to put one foot in front of the other to get the basics accomplished...most days but not all
Posted: Friday, January 22, 2016 4:40 PM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 20118

Someone described it as being a new chapter in her life. It is a new chapter (s). I am not in a rush...guess it will begin to sort itself out at some point. Until then I just do pretty much what I want which includes watching mindless TV which includes divorce court in the afternoon, the real housewives of Beverly hill and lifetime movies on the weekends. I am not so able to think well.

I do watch the news a lot and 60 minutes and  meet the press.

I have been to all Drs and dentist and am now watching what I eat  and will begin some kind of exercise lite next week.

One thing I find interesting is that I am alone a choice.

His Daughter
Posted: Friday, January 22, 2016 9:12 PM
Joined: 6/25/2014
Posts: 2270

Lesley Jean,

How could you not feel this way?   This is a huge life style change.  A change that you didn't ask for or want.   

I don't have the experience that other do with losing a spouse, but I did go through a divorce.  That is also a difficult transition in life.  I signed up for till death-do-us-part,  and all I got was the house, mortgage, three kids and the do-us-part thing.  But I did adjust, and did very well for myself.  Some days it sure wasn't easy.  It takes time to recover from grief and build a new life.  I hope you will just keep putting one foot ahead of another.

Wish I could offer more, just know that hugs are coming your way.  

Posted: Saturday, January 23, 2016 6:08 PM
Joined: 2/15/2014
Posts: 168

I understand, it has been a little over a month, I feel like I am moving forward, but I feel like I am walking through knee deep mud.  My friend lost her husband in February and I see her dealing with three children, she still has a purpose.  I had a purpose, taking care of my husband. I am cleaning out closets, drawers, and cupboards, but not sure of the goals I am trying to reach.    I go to work, talk to my children, but they have their lives.  Have no desire to retire, I have no hobbies, what will I do.
Lesley Jean
Posted: Saturday, January 23, 2016 9:27 PM
Joined: 2/13/2013
Posts: 2965

Thank you my dear friends for your support. 

I have decided enough is enough. I am really cleaning out closets and feeling good. I can't believe the "junk" I accumulated. I threw out 3 big bags of trash today and have one more to go out. I had canned food in the panty, I didn't know I had. And food past it's expiration date. I have several bags to give to the Vietnam War Vets on Monday. It is great to look into a closet and everything is placed neatly in there. 

Plans? Well in March, I am going on a cruise with my friends-line dancing. In May, I am going with my sister and her hubby on another cruise. Then I will see my daughter in Hawaii in June. Her husband got laid off from work and is having a terrible time finding a new job. So, they may be moving back. stateside. If he comes back before her,  I told her I will go over to help and the kids move. We will make a mini-working vacation of it. 

I am starting self-defense class lessons this Tues. evening. Saturday, I am taking a class in basic pistol training. I plan on getting my concealed weapons class and learning how to fire Jerry's rifle and shot gun. I will be taking classes on safety for those to and defense inside and outside the home. 

I think I might go back to work as a school counselor. I really loved my job. (They don't pay school nurses on the teacher's salary scale. So, I won't work for 1/2 the money with a Master's). I need to talk to my cardiologist and see if she will let me.

So, I am going to make some life changes. I really have prayed about this and feel really good about these things. I have never been one to sit around and feel sorry for myself. Yes, I am still grieving, but when I do things like cleaning, I feel so much better.

And yes, I am on a special doctor's diet and I have lost 7 lbs so far! That makes me so happy. I gained so much wt and with my heart and diabetes in the family, the doctor really scared me. 

Hugs to all, 

Lesley Jean

Posted: Monday, January 25, 2016 12:08 AM
Joined: 7/9/2013
Posts: 3205

I lost that one.

LJ, I feel the same as you, I am cleaning out.  In October I went to a retreat, November a cruise with my sisters, and we will take a trip come June.  I am joining stitch groups, meeting new people and getting on with life.  I still have my moments where the tears flow, but I can't just sit and pine my life away.

It feels good to live again, and I know Bill would want me to.


Posted: Saturday, February 6, 2016 8:38 AM
Joined: 2/12/2012
Posts: 553

To Lesley and Bonnie ... Nice to read you are both getting involved again ... Joing the real world  again ... Just remember that I'df some of these activities were with your loved ones it may produce some emotional triggers.. However this too shall pass ... Baby steps !!! Girl friends you keep on moving !!!!! Pauline